Starting From Grey

My Grey White

I started my steps with certainty. Give black color black and give white to white color.

And I never thought I'd get into this one unexpected 'grey' color that suddenly pops up in our relationship.

I dyed you gray from the beginning. Never take you to black or label you white. You're the only gray for me.

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A bright morning, as bright as the hope of a morning with a shining sun.

I deliberately left early today, besides because today is the first start of entry I also have my own reasons.

I stepped into the corridor of the hall, to see the new class plan.

"Assalamualaikum," said the one who equaled his steps with me, I was a little surprised to hear his voice.

"Waalaikumsalam, long time no see," I said with a smile as it was.

"Ye, you're arrogant, I stopped stepping and turned to him.

"meaning?"

"And we're gathering, you're the one who didn't come" Mirza said with a stinging face. Yes, the one who greeted me first this morning was Mirza. My first best friend at the beginning of this school.

"Sorry," I said guiltlessly continuing walking back.

"Lo changed a lot," Mirza commented, I just shrugged indifferently.

"It's getting cocky and untouchable" Mirza said again, I stopped as well as her. We looked at each other, but I looked in his pocket.

"I'm trying to fix Za, is my way wrong?" I said it slowly. Yeah, I've established myself to improve the way I get along with the opposite sex. And try to act according to the shari'a as I can.

"Sorry, I don't mean what you do, just think about what I know," he said with a grin. I know he said that from the bottom of his heart, but I'm not mad at him.

Isn't that how we can fix ourselves?

"Lo's not angry, is he, Mut?'' tanyanya is not sure. I smiled and nodded.

"Not really, I'm even grinning. Signed that you were paying attention to me," I said cheerfully while he immediately feigned muteness, like the same thing we always do when he starts to get muddy.

"Garing lo" he said with a laugh. I am grateful to know him and grateful that he is back.

"Udah yuk to the hall." We walked in silence, not a word came out. As if we do not have a problem, sometimes it may be just like this a simple solution to the problem openly and accept each other.

"Woe," cried Adi temen Mirza classmate.

"Class randomized?" ask Mirza.

"So, the class is also good. Down down." Adi glanced at me at a glance then took Mirza to the canteen. A few moments later he told me. I just want to say what else I can do, even if it seems like I have no rights. This is how friendship between us must have its own distance because it seems that it should not be friendship between men and women.

"Mut" called Erly from behind me.

"Assalamualaikum Erly, '' my bro, she grinned while tidying her hair.

"That greeting was answered instead of grinning," said the veiled figure beside Erly whom I had just seen.

"Eh yes, the beautiful waalaikumsalam Mutia," Erly said with a chuckle.

Then he stepped in to hug me,

"Gue kangen lo, how are you? Where do you keep it?"

"One-on-one Er," said the veiled figure again.

"I'm good, what about you guys?"

"We are good" Mira said with a smile. Yes, the figure of the veiled girl is Mira. I really got an unexpected surprise today. Oh yes, the name is also an unexpected surprise.

Then we talked like old friends who didn't meet. We talked to each other about holidays and many things. Yes, although I have heard much more than I have spoken, I am quite happy for the favors that God has given me all this time.

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Don't get me wrong. What we see does not necessarily correspond to reality. Don't speculate yourself, but prove it. (Kru Kepo)

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I walked towards class after getting tired of talking a lot with Erly and Mira. Not only with them, but with others who are mostly children of language. I stepped up while thinking of something, something that really bothered my mind.

Riska, that name sounds so real, I thought about a lot of things just by hearing that name.

Riska did not follow the study tour on the grounds that there is a family need, then suddenly there was news again that she was out of school, need to be underlined out instead of moving. If he moved it might still be understandable but this is him coming out. The risk of the family being financially able, then what is behind him out of school? That's what I've become the thing that's stuck in my mind.

All this time, I knew Riska as a child who never had a problem even he was in the row of 10 outstanding children. I'm still confused by all this.

I went in and sat down next to Shinta, I knew she must be astonished by my attitude. What else should I have entered the class from earlier but only entered at this time.

"Lo why?" shinta asked, aki turned towards her.

"I think there's something going on about Riska." I said seriously. He squinted his eyes. He must be guessing what I was thinking.

"Today's not wrong to eat, is it?" shinta asked in surprise, now my thoughts are squinting and looking at her suspiciously.

Why why anyway? I wanted to ask that question but I answered it.

But Shinta is still Shinta, my silent friend, she seems to know what will come out of my lips that are not able, she explained first.

"Lo doesn't usually want to think about other people to the extent," said Shinta calmly, but it made me grimace to realize one thing, I'm a child who doesn't have a high and insensitive social spirit.

If you ask me, do I not realize it? I answered honestly, I realized it but to change it was very difficult.

Then, how should I?

"I don't mean that, it's just that you don't usually take a headache for a news story," Shinta said. I smiled while nodding.

What Shinta said is not wrong, I am indeed the type of person who no reken you, so you want to behave like anything I do not care as long as it does not concern me or disturb my comfort.

"He told me that he was interested in Islam" I said still looking out the window, as I glanced at Shinta from the corner of my eye I saw him do the same.

"She ran away from her house and lived with her aunt in Magetan" Shinta said, making me turn my head.

"You know where it came from?" many wonder. Shinta smiled and said, "from Siska's mom."

I let out a heavy sigh, what am I afraid will happen?

I remembered the stories of some of the converts, it made me shudder in horror but I simply shuddered his thumbs up.

I thought, can I be in their position?

I once discussed this with my father, commenting that it was the invisible power of God. Allah's Law is absolute and Allah will give it to the one whom he has chosen and the one whom he has chosen must have been given a strong provision by God to face all the trials.

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The women's association contains a chat that is becoming obralan. (Kru Kepo)

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The day goes hand in hand with every event that the maker of life has destined. There was no feeling a semester had passed, many unexpected events had occurred.

Like that time, when the class held a photo together.

My relationship with Irvan is getting stretched, I don't know why. We only occasionally came face to face with him but often he threw his face first.

Ever since this XII class, he's not been sitting behind me. He chose to sit in the back on the bench away from me.

Once upon a time Ana asked me. Am I having a problem with Irvan?

"Son, I don't have a problem. I don't know why he's staying away." I answered that way.

H-10 before national exam. Irvan was suddenly sitting next to me as I was reading a novel. While the other friends are in a group watching Korean movies. I don't know this year k-pop is booming.

"Learning times Mut. Read the novel." Irvan said while carrying the Physics module.

"Said Shinta, if you've got a test time then don't study. Refreshing." I replied without looking back at him, I don't know if that awkwardness controlled my situation.

"Yes, but it's important for deepening." Irvan began to argue. I looked towards him.

"Thank ya, Van." I said sincerely then I looked towards the blackboard. Exactly the H-10 writing in the corner. I began to think about what really happened between us, almost a year we never rebuked even in the same scope. I told Shinta that Irvan was away from me. He even commented that he and I were like his ex-partner. At first I didn't think like that but somehow sometimes I feel that way too.

Confused, that's the word I have.

"Actually all this time I'm not comfortable deket lo." Irvan closed the book, I still saw him from the corner of my eye.

I didn't give a response, I just hope he continues. I know he's trying to straighten out what happened when he walked away from me.

"Gue's not good when kids say you like me. Because I know very well you just think I'm a friend." He looked towards me. I still try not to make a sound or look at him.

"From the fact that you feel uncomfortable maybe I think by staying away from you, children do not think like that." I smiled faintly, I remember the incident at the beginning of the second semester in the eleventh grade. It was the first day of entry after the initial semester break. I was acting normal, but I felt something strange about the other view. Moreover, Ryan and Dwi often tease me and always try to match me with Irvan on several occasions.

I was furious too, because I was uncomfortable. I am Sharifa Mutia. The number one person is insensitive and does not care about the environment. So over time their behavior returned to normal.

Once upon a time, when we photographed a class with the homeroom teacher when I was accidentally on the edge and next to me there was Iqbal and Irvan was boasting one class. Given that, I realized what drove Irvan away.

Maybe, he's illfeel.

"I never thought I'd get that far." I smiled at him, though I didn't look into his eyes trying to convince him. I don't know who I'm convinced of. Irvan or myself?

"Yes, I'm just looking at Mut." He said with a cry.

"But you changed. So many." He said it seriously.

"Yes the name is human, the more the day has to change for the better and the better. As the Prophet said, today must be better than yesterday."

"Feel feeling out of KRI. How are you more religious than ever."

"And used to take all the illmu, well that's just the application." I said in a joking tone, he chuckled, actually in demanding knowledge once we find out the truth according to the sharia then we apply.

Do not eat something that we receive raw. But also do not be too fanatical by clarifying a practice or science that we get.

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The most important thing is to graduate first, the value problem is later. Getting good value is a plus. (Kru Kepo)

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As the national exam drew nearer, many of my classmates began to get busy preparing themselves as well as myself. Dad put me into a fairly well-known educational institution, it's an educational institution with the symbol of another name elephant.

But since a month before the national exam, my father had prevented me from taking tutoring. Dad just asked me to learn as necessary, sometimes even dad invite me to play or visit somewhere I have not been. We often spend time together trying culinary or shopping.

I know, dad did this so I wouldn't get too tense in the national exam, he tried to calm my fretful heart.

Today the national exam will be held simultaneously, there is a tense look on my face. I can't deny that I feel tense and anxious.

Since the completion of the morning prayer I have prepared all my needs, starting pencils, erasers, test sheet pads and not forgetting participant cards.

Participant card, my memory goes to the events of three years ago. Where destiny leads me into an estuary that has no certainty.

"Are you ready, honey?" ask Dhimas Santosa.

"Here you are," I answered, carrying my bag out of the room.

"Because it's so tense?" asked my father when we met face to face at the door.

"Strain well" I replied slowly.

"Taken casually, I'm sure your hero can," said the father encouraged me, there was a wisp of wind as it began to creep into my chest.

"Bismillah, you can." I encouraged myself. Then we set out to go to the battlefield.

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