Starting From Grey

Collapse of Self-Esteem

Verily happy is he who purifies his soul, and woe to him who defiles his soul (9:10)

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This afternoon looks so bright, as if removing the traces of rain that flushed since dawn. I swung my bike around the house. This afternoon I plan to go for a walk so I can meet with Brother Dilan. But it's been more than an hour I've been spinning, but the face of Dilan's feet does not look as long as I've had.

With determination, I finally turned the handlebar of my bike towards the blog of Dilan's brother's house, I stopped in front of Dilan's house. I was confused as to what reason I would use, though,

Am I being honest with my purpose?

Or

I have to mince words and then slightly hanker my purpose?

But I can't talk because it's so useless.

What am I supposed to do?

"Well, you're dumb in front of my house?" ask Kak Dilan with his tone.

Ah, I should have been more patient so I didn't have to face this weird attitude.

I laughed blandly, then got off the bike and joined Brother Dilan who was sitting in the gazebo in front of his house, the gate was indeed open so it was clear enough to see me who was hanging in front of his house.

"What wind are you in here?" ask Brother Dilan after I sit down.

"There was no passing by just pausing for a moment" I said slightly stuttering, I saw him squinting his eyes at me. It was a serious sign, it seemed like he did not believe my words.

"The cooking stopped in front of the gate, not for a moment. Someone must want to know, right?" the two said with a suspicious tone, I nodded then shook my head. I'm confused myself, ah this is really an unpleasant thing. I confirmed the position of my black hijab, then I heard her chuckle.

"She's fine, just her hanphonen's gone." I turned to him enthusiastically, this is what I like even though he was a rancid but he could tell what I could not reveal.

"So yes until it doesn't connect with his mother" I said as moments of silence and silence enveloped us. Actually I still want to hear the others again but it seems he does not want to explain further.

"The name is also still an adaptation, so it's natural, right," said brother Dilan defended, the basic man is just as insensitive.

"Yes kan–––" I said cut off with the words of Dilan's sister, "lo find out about her?" I shook my head.

"Well, how do you know?" he asked with suspicious eyes, and I did not like that kind of eye.

"There is a story, because it's the same mother so I want to find out here," I said slowly.

"So I guess actually dong lo here want to find information about Abi," he said triumphantly, damn I got a badman trap.

After laughing, he stood still and faced me,

"Don't look for it and don't expect it" said Brother Dilan facing straight ahead.

"I didn't try to find him" I said, standing up.

"Gue said stay away from him not from the beginning," said brother Dilan again, I turned to him and smiled.

I said my greetings and hurried to leave the house in silence.

I know, I was wrong. I shouldn't have done this, what Brother Dilan said was true, I can't do this anymore. What I did was enough to make me drop my pride as a woman. I remember dad's message.

"The woman is pursued not to pursue."

Although in this context it is not a matter of pursuit or pursuit but I feel ashamed of myself with all my attitude today.

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This morning seems brighter than usual, understand this time of the rainy season so often the sky looks cloudy.

I entered the class that seemed quiet, understandably the day can still be spelled out in the morning and the time to go to school is still about thirty minutes away. I greeted some of the friends in the class, after which I took a seat.

"Mut, where are you going to study tour?" marta asked while sitting at Shinta's place.

"Already, why?" I put out a textbook for the first hour.

"No, I'm just still confused, most of my friends take a tour yqng to Jakarta, while I ordered to take that to Malang." He sighed in annoyance, it seemed like he was afraid of none.

"Me and Shinta agreed to take to Malang ko, no need to worry about no money, right" I said won.

"Lo take it to Malang, Mut?" marta did not believe.

"Yes" I replied briefly.

"For what?" marta exclaimed excessively. I just frowned confused. There was something wrong with my decision, not a feeling.

"For the sake of my love for you" exclaimed Danang who entered the classroom. Danang is one of Irvan's soulmates. He has a big, tall body. According to the story, the Danang likes Marta but unfortunately Marta mah has put the heart of the head of OSIS. Yep is right, Ryan. However, Ryan Mah is still the only plates facing the code given by Marta and Vima.

"Najong really lo," said Marta ketus to Danang.

"Okaya neng, early in the morning already sewot aja," said Danang got bald "ciye-ciye" from the others make the white face of Danang reddened. I could only shake my head looking at Danang's embarrassed face.

"Bodo, it's not an elo affair" said Marta cuek while facing me.

Danang took a seat in Lana's place and it meant that it was in front of Danang, the guy seemed to be indifferent to the other temptations.

"Ati-ati Mar, lo if dipepet si Danang entar lo," exclaimed Dwi who was in the westernmost row. I don't know what he's doing.

"Diiem lo bacot" cried Danang did not accept. Dwi just sneered then she grumbled indistinctly.

"Mut, you are more beautiful anyway," said the Danang facing me, I almost laughed but I immediately smothered my mouth. While Marta, she was already acting like she was vomiting.

"Lo dime's a big deal anyway, where any girl would want to," Marta said, making me chuckle.

"Why do you know anyway, I'll talk to Mutia," said Danang can't be told the chatter that he came out dimeh. Honestly, I also feel that way, not really creative gombalin chick just that.

"Woe, you two move away don't make a fuss here," said Ana who just came, making Danang move from his seat and grumbled indistinctly. I don't know because of what the Danang was so afraid of Ana, once I was a prankster asked Danang, he just said, "It's my US card." Hearing that answer I was just boooh' ria, I don't mean it either. I don't know what the exact reason is either. But one thing is certain, Danang never denied Ana's words.

After Danang moved closer to the group of Dwi, I still heard the temptation coming from their lips.

"Whether's the kid traveling to our class?" asked Ana to change her seat facing back.

"Where do I know," answered Marta cuek. I don't know if I feel like something's wrong with Marta.

"Ye, answer me carefully not to rent," said Ana slowly.

"Who is the sewer, too" said Marta, rising from her seat and walking away.

"Dla, that kid why the hell?" I saw Ana's confused face.

"Don't know, you're not wrong with him?"

"I don't know either" I said confused as well.

"She was angry the same time you," Shinta said as she sat down. I frowned and looked in wonder and curiosity towards Shinta, as well as ana––.

"What am I wrong?" ask Ana slowly.

"Lo doesn't know what? Yesterday when you returned to the piggy bank Ryan was a clay child," said Shinta casually.

"What????" ana exclaimed in a loud enough voice, so the children immediately shut up and turned to us, while Ana was grimacing unclear.

Marta is angry because Ana came home with Ryan?

Is it weird to like that?

How not, even though between Ryan and Marta there is no relationship that requires Marta to be angry with Ana, but, but because of the love that darkens the eyes and locks the heart to accept the thought of otah so that the relationship that was originally fine becomes damaged for trivial reasons. Luckily Ana understood the reason, otherwise she would have guessed wrong what she did to make Marta angry.

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"This school is weird huh," said Erly sitting next to me.

"Why?" tanyaku and Zahwa together, we were sitting in a cafe near the school. And Shinta and Erly just came because there's an OSIS meeting.

"Anything, cook the third-grade release event to be accompanied by our study tour."

"Yes, yes, so the rumors are true, yes" said Zahwa. I looked towards Shinta who was just silent.

"You why Shin?" I looked at him suspiciously.

"No papa, I just can't come out because aunt Nana will marry in two days, yes there is a little busy that," said Shinta not feeling good, he said, because he who took out to buy some necessities for study tour.

"No papa, there's still a week left so there's still time to shop." I calmed Shinta down and was approved by Zahwa and Erly.

Then after paying us out together, I still had to wait for an invitation. Yes, since I was sick I was not allowed to take the bus again and every morning my father delivered if the afternoon is usually picked up by dad or picked up just like Sum took his motorbike maticnya. My father was a person who obeyed the rules of religion and also the rules of terrorism, so I was forbidden to use a car as long as I did not have a SIM (driving license).

"Aren't you waiting by yourself?" ask Zahwa for the umpteenth time.

"No papa, you go first. My father is already on the way," I replied convincingly. Then they decided to resign and I went back to the cafe, I will wait for my father there because he was still quite long until he arrived. You still remember that the distance from the campus where my father taught was very far, because my school was different from my father's campus. So it takes a long time, not to mention if the streets are crowded and jammed.

I sat back in the chair and pulled out my book. I read continuing the limit I had given earlier.

I was too cool with reading, to forget about. I felt like something was pulling my book, I looked up my book was already in Dilan's hands. Yes, that Dilan, how could he be here? The answer is easy alumni of one that is studying in this city so often nongol not class at various school events.

"Muslims who have lost their pride, '' said Brother Dilan read the title of the book I read, and casually he sat on the bench in front of me and read my book, looking up at me with my forehead wrinkled.

"Balikin napa sis," I said, sipping my juice.

"Borrow a moment of napa," he said with indifference still struggling with my book. I silently looked around, I saw some of my old friends whispering and occasionally turning towards my desk, ah our table together. It made me uncomfortable, to be honest, I was better alone than sitting alone with a guy, even if I knew him well. I don't know why I'm like this again.

I remember Irvan, a few days ago she asked me why I started to keep a little distance from her, she was afraid she was making a mistake. But I immediately replied that I was trying to improve myself by keeping the association.

But strangely since then Irvan began to be a lot silent and no longer approached me. There's a speck of bad taste, but I'm determined to change. And why am I stuck here with Brother Dilan.

As I was busy with my thoughts, the chair beside Brother Dilan shifted marked as occupying. I looked up and found Bagas's face.

"It's my book behind me" said Brother Dilan while proffering my book.

"Thank you" I said a little.

"Did you tell me to come here?'' ask Brother Dilan to Bagas' brother,

"The intention is to nitip something, but not be. An invitation to aunt Nana's wedding." Brother Bagas held out an invitation and looked unwell at me, I frowned in surprise at the attitude of the two guys in front of me.

"Why?" I can't help but be affected by their gaze. And you know what readers answer. With his compote just shaking his head. And nonchalantly chatted back as if I was this intangible.

"When do we come back?" ask brother Bagas. And I'm sure that's the sound. I try to be indifferent this time, I do not want to hear the discussion of this matter.

"A day before H." I just heard that, because then I was washed away with the book that I dive into every word, it is a lie if I do not hear. But it was only faint and unable to be digested by my brain.

Ting

The sound of my postel, marked with a message coming in, I immediately put down my book and snatched the postel I put on the table.

From: my best father

I wait in the cafe

I smilingly directed my gaze at the door of the cafe, before long the figure I was waiting for appeared with a startled smile. Maybe you thought I was waiting in the school district so he was surprised to see me.

I stood up to greet dad regardless of what the two guys who had suddenly come were doing.

"Assalamualaikum," said my father.

"Waalaikumsalam Warohmatullahi Jabarrokatuh," I replied while shaking hands.

"Dad thought inside the school, dad's son was hanging out here" said the father in a teasing tone. I just grinned, then I saw Dad take a look behind me.

"Assalamualaikum, Um." Brother Dilan greeted my father politely and followed by Brother Bagas.

"Dlo, there's Dilan" said my father, turning to me with a casual look. Ah, my dad's fashion on.

"Dlo said that Mutia did not say that I made a deal with Om," said Brother Dilan with his PD.

"Okay, who made the same agreement with Dilan the man was brother Dilan the Nyolong sitting down," I said not to accept while Dilan's father and brother chuckled.

"Yes already I believe, do not insist that ah Mutia's forehead is wrinkled, so his old rival is the same father.'' I glared in disbelief as Brother Dilan and brother Bagas do not ask them to laugh happily over the shame that attacked me.

"Dad, ma'am" I said as I sat down and tidied up my stuff, avoiding my face that must have turned red.

"You were the one at the time, right?" my father pointed to Bagas. I saw him astonished while Brother Bagas showed off his happy smile while confirming my father's question.

Have you ever met Bagas?

When's?

Over where?

How could?

The question filled my brain cavity, so it felt like my memory was almost full and unable to hold the contents anymore.

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