Starting From Grey

It's Takes Time

There is no light as soft as the sun.

There is no love from the heart.

And there is no joy without a smile

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Smiling is the first thing I want. I sat on the bench. I'm doing some chemistry in my silence. I don't care about the crowded class.

"Mut," call Irvan sitting next to me occupying Shinta's seat.

"What's wrong?" my question is still moving my pen on my count paper.

"Lo why the hell is closed very," said Irvan while taking my diktat book.

"What the hell is Van, don't bother me," I said disregarding his whereabouts. Not because they do not like or are uncomfortable but more reluctant to respond.

I don't know the first year of my ashes seems to give me a scary goal in hanging out. I may seem ordinary, but I always limit myself to excessive interaction. Even I began to rarely meet people around me, even if I knew my new classmate it all started from those who approached me.

"Mut, one person with another is different don't be hit flat." Irvan said again, looking forward blankly even though in front of the teacher's desk there were hordes of other children joking together.

"I'm not that selfish, Van." I replied after a long moment of silence, then Irvan immediately looked at me with a faint smile.

"Lo who doesn't feel. Sorry Mut was actually the time of the exam I accidentally horrified your quarrel."

"I know what," I answered casually and I saw that he was surprised.

"So you see me, sorry I don't mean nguping really," said Irvan felt bad. I just smiled and shook my head.

"I don't care," I answered casually and then counted back on my scribble.

"So we're friends, right?" asked Irvan expectantly.

"We haven't been friends since?" ask me while stopping my activities and looking towards him.

"But you never do the usual thing a friend does," said Irvan casually and went from sitting to a group of would-be sausages in the corner.

I exhale, I admit that I am still reluctant to establish any close relationship with anyone at this time, but that does not mean I will keep this heart closed.

I'm sure one day I'll do the right thing to do but not now, I need time to adjust.

I was silent for a moment, I started to dig up the memory in my brain, until without me realizing my brain had thought of the incident at the beginning of the second semester.

That morning I came up with a pretty calm face, I had already convinced myself that I would be fine with all of this.

After that incident, I told my best friend everything, but I still saw the reluctance I got from the look of Madina and Mira's eyes.

"Loh lo kok sitting on my bench anyway Mir?" asked Erly who just came, I also know since Mira was sitting on the bench Erly and I think as usual he will return later if you have entered but it was not proven from his words, "I'm the boss sitting in front, so tukeran ya Er. You don't papa, do you Mut?"

I smiled and nodded, though grumbling Erly still took a seat beside me.

I looked to the left but I saw Irfan sitting on the bench Mirxa and Mirza was sitting with Idris in the back.

"Everything changes this is how it is" Erly said as she stroked my arm. I nodded and without tears coming from my eyes.

I smiled blandly and I believed one thing that everything was different would never be the same. Like a punctuated pencil the length will always decrease as well as all this, all will not return to the way it was.

Today there is still no lesson, I took out three different colored paperbags from inside my bag, there is yellow for Mira, there is brown for Madina and green for Erly.

I gave it to him, though,

"This is a gift from me" I said as I thrust the paperbag, but Madina and Mira just kept quiet and put it in the bag and plopped from her seat.

When she got to the front, Madina looked at Erly,

"Lo want to sit there or come with me?" ask Madina flat. Erly smiled then stood up while tidying up her clothes.

"Yuk Mut," he asked me but he immediately misbehaved when he saw the plot from Madina and Mira.

And with Erly's unkindness to step away from me, I just kept quiet while smiling soothingly.

It didn't happen a day or two, it raised a lot of questions from other friends, sometimes Tiara came to me because she might feel sorry for me, sometimes others start to take me to the canteen or pray together.

And now I'm losing everything, scaring me to start it all.

"Mut" called Ana who was already sitting in front of me.

"What's wrong?" I stammered because I just realized that I was nostalgic for too long with the past.

Ana pointed with her chin towards the door, I saw Zahwa and Erly there. Then I smiled and walked up to him.

"Sorry Mut, I'm going back to the book." Erly handed me the book.

"No papa, this is also an empty hour" I replied casually, I looked at Zahwa, he used to dislike me so much because he was close to the chairman of OSIS. But since the second semester he's been getting close to me.

"Mut, what's the matter with Mirza?" erly asked softly feeling unwell, I frowned at my puzzled forehead.

"I don't have a problem, why?"

"No, just–––"

"Gini Mut, it was fitting that we record the resum have lo, Mirza follow it so it continues to fit and half he asked who it was, who it was, and when it was answered that this book had you he immediately shut up and did not continue to write it and sit back," Zahwa cut because he felt he had to explain because maybe he thought that Erly would have difficulty speaking.

"Ow, I don't know about that. Because my relationship is a bit tenuous since the second semester yesterday, right, also since he became the same Fahma."

"He's like Lo" said Erly after being quiet.

"Don't bother Er, we're close but limited enough," I replied casually. Ah, I'm pretty tired of all don't add to my burden anymore.

"Lo is insensitive, I know him very well Mut."

"So I beg Er, you know I can no longer think of any of this. I want to go to school and focus on school without adding another thought." Erly nodded while breathing heavily.

"But if Mirza likes Mutia, then why is she the same Fahma?" asked Zahwa in a detective tone. I shook my head while holding both shoulders.

"Maybe my thinking was wrong" Erly said later.

After I saw her entering her class I was about to step towards my class but from the IPA1 corridor I saw Mirza and Idris walking towards me. I've given my intention to enter, I'd like to have a little talk with Mirza.

Idris and Mirza stopped in front of me, I saw Idris poking Mirza's stomach with his elbow. I came to the conclusion that it was a code.

"Where from?" manyu friendly.

"From the cafeteria," Idris answered, and Mirza had already shaken her face.

"I think you need to have a conversation together" Idris said.

"Don't Dris, you're here." I prevented Idris from leaving because I was sure it would also prevent Mirza from stepping in.

"Actually I want to talk to Mirza, but you don't have to go" I explained because I saw a frown on her forehead.

"Za, I'm sorry if I have the same fault as you and thank you for this year" I said sincerely, I didn't need an answer from Mirza so I decided to say goodbye to Idris and get into my class.

I heard Idris scolding Mirza who just kept quiet, but I didn't care that I put my ass back on the chair, before I returned to struggling with chemistry I looked at Irvan and his gang who were looking at me, then I saw Shinta who got up from her seat and sat down next to me again.

"Lo not papa?" ask Shinta slowly.

"What looks?" I try to smile.

He muttered and nodded, so I smiled. Does that look like my desperation? I was really tired, as if my body was already unable to hold my head, I put my head on Shinta's shoulder.

"Lo still has me, you know sometimes we have to let go of the curb and hurt," Shinta told me.

"You know Shin, I sat them on a high throne in the corner of my heart, but they didn't understand me, they just looked at it from their perspective."

"Let them get off that high chair, and let someone else occupy it. I know you need time to be civilized with a new one the most important thing is that you want to open your heart. Isn't it when we walk forward that we always encounter something different, so that casual friend is nothing new."

We were silent in each other's thoughts, I confirmed Shinta's words and I was grateful to have them.

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Taking off a handle to learn to move forward, that's what I'm currently trying to do.

I sat in my chair, I opened my window. I let the wind blow my face. My memory goes back to that time, where the beginning of this estrangement began.

Monday is the most unpleasant day for any student. But unlike me today, I have been very waiting for him because I want to immediately meet my friend and explain everything.

I went inside the gate, there seemed quiet because from today it was a free day so there were not many SMEs (school security guards) standing near the gate.

I stepped up quickly, hoping to get to class quickly and finish everything. But fate can not be refused, when I was about to turn towards the first-class corridor I hit one of the seniors whose face is familiar but I forgot his name.

He was indignantly vague when I apologized, but his reply was stifling. "I'm sorry you can make my body not hurt."

After the senior left, I immediately tidied up my clothes and stepped forward, and in the front there was five meters away I saw two people standing looking at me with intense gazes. Like deveju with this incident, I who did not want to reminisce immediately rushed past the two people I knew in silence as if they were invisible.

I went into class, but I didn't see anyone I was looking for. Where'd they?

"Shin, look at Mira, Madin's with Erly?" I asked when I met Shinta.

"They're gathering in the hall, LDK's preparations."

"Morning gini?" many reassuring. Shinta returned to playing her phone while nodding.

I sat in my chair, in silence. A lot of kids come in and out, they just say hello.

I took out my novel, then I was engrossed in my own world, unaware that I had been waiting for a long time.

"Lo has returned the book of perpus yet?'' asked Feby who was sitting in Mira's chair.

"Not yet, why?"

"Perpus yuk," he asked, I pondered for a moment to think. As if I knew what I was thinking Feby said. "They've turned the book around."

I just smiled and then agreed to Feby. Feby and I walked to the library. In the corridor of class X-2 I passed Madina and Erly.

"Where are you going?" asked Erly, Madina was already throwing her face away.

"You're going to the turnaround of the loan book."

"There's a new theme, lo." Madina said in a cute and cynical manner.

"Ati-ati with plain mask. It could be just dimandayafatin." Madina said facing Feby while patting her shoulder then passed. Erly followed Madina but she looked over with a face full of regret. I pull my lips together, I know they're mad at me.

"You don't have to be scared, they're just emotions." Feby pulled my hand in the other direction with them, we continued walking towards the library.

After following the various processions of requirements for the return of books, I sat down in one of the reading chairs in the library while waiting for Feby to finish. He still went to the cooperative to buy the book cover, because there were some of his books did not enter the return selection.

Actually I was about to come, but Feby forbade me he said he was afraid I was exhausted, excessive. And so I got stranded here watching some children busy with their activities and also some children who were waiting in line.

I looked blankly ahead, I didn't know if I should explain everything to them or I just kept quiet so they would know for themselves.

I exhaled heavily, I was worried and more confused.

"Air can spit abis if lo ngirupnya as rough as that," said a man with short hair. From her class bed I saw her as old as me. I didn't answer just a snort I didn't like, I didn't know him, but he was as good as taking care of my business.

"Why are you loamy-wild?" tanyanya is cynical, but still busy covering her dictate book. I rolled my eyeballs off guard, then threw away my face. I heard him giggle, and when I turned my head again, there was Brother Alpha standing.

"Why is your expression so butek?" ask Alfa.

"Lo know him Al?" asked the fat-haired guy, I don't know his name because he didn't put a name bed in his uniform.

"Know, she is the girl sitting next to me" replied Alfa cuek. Then back to me.

"Lo why?" asked Brother Alfa again, I just shook my head then shrugged my shoulders indifferently.

''Sometimes the problem does not need to be found a solution, just faced alone." Brother Alfa walked out of the library and the big-haired guy was gone too.

I exhaled heavily, why is everyone so enigmatic and pesky.

And without a second thought, I decided to tell Mira, Madina and Erly everything. Somehow their reaction was after, the most important thing was that the burden of my mind was slightly moved.

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