RANIA 'God's Destiny Makes Me Cry In Pelaminan'
Homesick Smile
August 2010
My mom and dad visited me to Yogya, when my dad told me they wanted to come, there was a sense of joy and sadness that I felt together.
I'm happy because maybe I can introduce Farhan mas to you, but I'm also sad, I'm afraid you still refuse him.
"Mbak, take a walk, I want to go to Bringharjo Market, I want to look for batik" said the mother.
"Can, when?"
"What on earth?" ask mother.
"Yaudah, Rania find a car first yes, we just huddle, so we can go around." I said.
"It was for 3 days at all, let the wholesale, mothers all want to go to the temples" said the mother.
"Ngerental napawn? Bima has a car, bima has offered to father kok yesterday just before here."
"Huh? Dad ngabarin Bima if you want to come here?"
"Yes, is that the mother brought gifts that have not been opened for whom? Yes to Bima." said father relaxed.
"Dad, how many times must Rania say, Rania can not be the same Bima again, okay if you want to keep in touch with Bima please, but Rania asked not to involve Rania yes, yes, Rania has absolutely no relationship with Bima." I said disappointed with father's attitude.
"Sir, want to be a bad boy huh? Want to fuck dad, huh?" ask me seriously.
"Dad, that's not what he meant, but whether you can not take into account the feelings of Rania, just a little, Rania was confused about how else to explain to the father. Dad, mummy dad in Yogya, Rania knows Farhan mas yes, Rania told him to find dad yes, let dad see Farhan onceiiiii aja well." I begged dad.
"No need, if you tell him to come here, I won't see him, if you say no, yes."
"Astagfirullah father, I really have the same heart as Rania, did not give Rania a chance at all." I said I had started to feel like crying.
"Mom, please explain to me mom, give Rania a chance to introduce Farhan mas just once." I begged mom.
"Mom, I'm sorry, I tried to talk to you, but that's how you are, if it's A yes A. And mbak, mbak must be legowo yes, mbak must be sincere yes, father has been woro-woro to our big family, to the big family of mother, if graduation runs out, the plan mbak will marry Bima." said mother while holding my hand.
"Huh? Whahuh? Ayaaaaahh, why did you take a unilateral decision, why didn't you just like Rania? Why don't you ask for Rania's opinion first, why is this old man the same as Rania well." I said as gently as possible, so as not to be impressed against father.
"Trust me, one day you will thank me for asking you to marry Bima, Bima will be successful, and all your life will be guaranteed, hold the father's words."
"Dad, Rania knows what a good father means, but believe me Rania, Rania can live a simple life, Rania is not a matre daddy, want as well established as Bima, if Rania is not comfortable how?" my many.
"Definitely comfortable, I'm sure, Bima is like a father, able to do anything for loved ones, so later you will also love him."
I was silent, I was already very confused, it felt like all my sayings on the same father, as if the father was already 1000% sure of the same Bima. I could only sit in the doldrums, I didn't know how to get my dad to feel what I felt, he always made himself the benchmark.
"Father same mother used to be able to, masa' mbak no, if the Javanese say witing tresno jalaran soko kulino, later also mbak long love again same Bima, Bima, people used to deket too." said father without stopping.
All of my words made me more pessimistic.
The next day we went for a walk, followed all his mother, shopping, traveling around Malioboro, and Bima participated.
During the walk I was silent, I felt uncomfortable, I wanted the day to end, and as long as I was silent, I didn't seem to care, but I wished I could feel sorry for me a little, no father is worried to see his son behaving unusual, which I usually cheer up and excited, especially when invited to go for a walk and shopping, but this time I am not happy at all. And it was like you just let me.
At lunch I had absolutely no appetite, Bima offered me this it, I did not answer at all, I just shook my head in refusal.
"Mas Bima, do you want if we stay married, but you seem to marry a statue, do not be a good wife, even see you I am reluctant" I said in my heart.
"Mom, isn't that a laper?" ask mother.
I just shook without a sound.
"Later if he is hungry he eats alone, already mother eats only, Bima also monggo in eating."
I really didn't expect Dad to be this stone, this hard, even I felt like a stepdaughter, why could you be that hard on me.
Coming home from the streets I immediately entered the room, without saying anything. Even I don't care at all Bima wants to say goodbye or do anything, I don't care at all. When mom and dad came into the room, I went to the bathroom, I broke my cry there.
A week has been father and mother in Yogya, and during that time I persuaded the father to meet mas Farhan, even if only for a moment. But I really didn't want to, even a few times Via was shocked because my dad yelled at me and said 'Dad will never want to meet him. If you say no yes no!'
And I felt ashamed that Via and the other fellow boarding houses had to hear my father scolding me.
On the last day of father and mother in Yogya, Bima also came to bring souvenirs for father and mother. I was forced by my father to meet Bima.
As Bima and I sat on the porch, mom and dad let us both. I know you intentionally, because as long as you and your mom are here and Bima come a few times, I don't want to talk to her at all.
"Are you okay?" tanya bima opened the chat.
"You think?" tanyaku brief.
"I've tried my best, can't make you give me another chance?"
"How many times do I have to say it? I no longer have any feelings for you. Still unclear?" my many.
Suddenly there was a motor stop in front of the cost. And I was very surprised, it turned out to be Farhan mas, but I told him not to come here as long as father had not come home and was not willing to meet him.
"Why are you here?" my many.
"I can't let you try on your own, I'll try to see your father, who knows if I'm already here he wants to see me" he said.
"Mas, you don't know how my father is, it's better not now" I said.
"No papa's deck, I'm ready whatever your father's response is" he said.
Bima just stood up and looked towards us. He didn't say anything. And suddenly father and mother came out the door, I was sure that father and mother heard no other sound than my voice and Bima's.
"Go in" said Dad.
"Huh? Seriously dad?" my many.
"Yes, here come in, it's not nice for guests to be told in front of the gate" said the mother.
Honestly, I was nervous, I was afraid of the attitude and response that I was going to show.
And we also sat together on the terrace of the boarding house, because if inside I was afraid of other boarding children disturbed. And there was me, mother, father, and Farhan and Bima.
"Is this what Farhan's called?" ask dad.
"Yes sir." replied Farhan, nodding.
"What was your purpose in coming here?" ask me seriously.
"Want to explain about my relationship with Rania sir's deck" he replied.
"I already know, Rania has already told me about you, but I'm sorry about Farhan, although now I finally know that you are quite gentle by meeting me here, though I'm sure Rania must have said that I would never want to see you, but I salute your persistence, you are quite determined as it turns out. I praise that. But my decision to marry Rania to Bima was over. You also must have known that, I just want the best for my son, not that you are not good, but as a father, I want my son's life is guaranteed in every way. You have parents too, right? And I'm also sure your parents are the same, want the best for their children." explained the father at length.
"Rania, don't be presumptuous with dad, anyway dad stick to the decision of dad, someday you will know why the decision of father like this, if later you become a parent, if you become a parent, you will be able to feel it for yourself, please continue your conversation. I go in first." said Dad as he passed. And mother accompanied him from behind.
Me, Mas Farhan, and Bima were just silent, not that I did not want to defend Farhan in front of dad, but I know very well, the father is most abstinent if there is a child who dares to answer or oppose his words, especially in front of others. I'm afraid you're going to act out of control. And I don't want that to happen.
"I go home first yes deck, later when I get home I tell you" said Mas Farhan pamit.
I couldn't say anything, I endured the overwhelming claustrophobicity, I could feel the disappointment of Farhan. And I let him go.
"Ran, I also want to say goodbye.." Bima's speech was cut off.
Because I left him inside and closed the boarding door.
I couldn't cry in my room, because there was a father and a mother. I held him as hard as I could. Tomorrow when they come home, maybe I can just blow it off.
The next day I was packing from the morning. Because their plane leaves during the day.
"Rania, remember my message, your marriage will be held next year, you will be graduating December, the father's plan of marriage will be carried out mid next year. Bima has agreed, and early in the year after your graduation, he will bring his parents to Sumatra. To propose officially." said the father at length.
"Dad, Rania never expected this father-tega, the father could see his son sad, for the sake of the desire of the father who until this moment Rania did not understand, what the father really saw from Bima." I said while looking down.
"RANIA, how sassy is your mouth!" snapped dad.
"Dad, Rania never knew what exactly I wanted from Rania's marriage as Bima, even my heart as hard as a rock, as if I could not feel how sad, confused, confused, and the fear of Rania for having to be forced to marry a person that Rania does not love, and sorry Rania feels a father is realistic, because according to the father, Rania has to be married, Rania will definitely be happy because Bima is successful and has her own business, while Mas Farhan is just an ordinary employee" I said while crying.
"PLAQUE!" dad's hand landed on my left cheek.
23 Years I became a father's son, this is the first time my father slapped me, from small to this big my father never hurt me physically, as hard as my father, as angry as my father, as he was, usually I just speak, speak, or if I am very angry, I will silence me. But that day, dad slapped me, right in front of mom. Mom cried and hugged me. I was angry with my father because my attitude was out of control.
But this time I didn't cry at all, I was silent, just silent, my cheek was hot, but it didn't hurt, which hurt here, inside. At heart.
My mom and dad returned to Sumatra.
Returning home from the airport after dropping off my father and mother, I was no longer able to hold everything back. I screamed in my room, I covered my face with a pillow, so that my voice would be muffled.
"Lord, Rania is dead-end, I can't help, because I'm very obedient to my father, Bima? It was completely unexpected, it was possible that this was what she had hoped for, Rania had to how else, Rania had to ask who else, You are the only place Rania complained to at this time, Rania, really just waiting for Your approval, and if this is indeed her destiny, Rania hope You give Rania a strong heart to accept everything." I said with a really stifling cry.
Since the incident when Farhan met his father, I and Farhan lost contact. I wasn't ready to call her through anything, I was afraid to hear her voice on the phone, I was afraid to read her SMS. Maybe even with him, there was absolutely no SMS or phone for me from him.
Until finally ten days after the incident, the night around 21:00 I slept in the room while listening to the radio.
"Who else niihhh who would like to send greetings, may make a boyfriend, friend, friend, even lecturer may also haha." the voice of meli the centil announcer echoed in my room.
Not long after that he read out some of the messages that had come in, and suddenly there was one message that surprised me.
"To Rania of Farhan, greetings: I can only pray, may you always be well there, if it is not destined to be together, at least we are destined to meet, I hope you will always be fine, and I'm grateful for that. Ooooowww, so sweeet, but I'm sad yaaa, okay the song love does not have to have ST12 well, baiiikk this abis we puter okeeey, next." said meli read out the incoming SMS.
Not long after that the song was played.
"Love can't be beautiful forever.
Love can also become ill.
That's how I feel now
My heart is still broken.
Never imagined
And never thought of
Your love and mine will be separated
But I have to let go of it
For your life to be better
Forgive me for being as sincere as your heart
My departure was not my wish.
Just accept the other choices from your parents.
Don't be sad about this situation
If you cry, I cry too.
Just accept all this 'I did for you.
I also felt like running. Run as fast as I can until I'm tired, and run as far as possible. But I can't, all I can do is cry and hug my pillow. These eyes are actually feeling very tired.
"Rania, cry, cry until you are tired, until you get used to the tightness and pain, until you are immune, until you are satisfied" I said in my heart.
I felt like calling Farhan, I wanted to see him, but I was afraid, I was afraid to see him, I was afraid that I would be unable to part.
"Why should I be reunited with her if I were to be separated? Why should I be allowed to feel so happy when I'm with him and finally separated and feel endless sadness. I don't know, but right now I still don't understand why there should be a storyline like this." I cried in my heart.
Three days after that I started my activities as usual. And that afternoon when I just got home from college. And I'm resting my head that feels full. Suddenly the door of my room was knocked, it was Via and mas Iwan.
"Men, tomorrow follow me as Iwan to semarang yuk" said Via who was still standing at the door.
"Why what?" my many.
"Jalan-ajah, you're also late, right? Sad to continue, your eyes until they become as bad as Ran, I know you cry every day" said Via.
"Ho oh Ran, don't continue, will be sick again, whatever your problem, if the weight is very heavy, deleh to, on taro, do not lift continuously, you may be depressed you see." said mas Iwan.
"Who do you want to be, Vi, Mas, who do I want to be?" my many.
"Just like me." suddenly Farhan appeared from behind Iwan.
I didn't see him from earlier, because I was standing behind a wall next to the door.
"Mas Farhan." That's all it can get out of my lips.
"I once promised to take you to the grand mosque of central Java, it's one of the icons of central Java, you once said you really want to go there. And I haven't been able to do that yet, so while I can, let's go there" said Mas Farhan with a smile.
I could only nod, for some reason I was afraid to say much, for seeing Farhan standing, and smiling in front of me I wanted to cry.
If I always wait for that smile, it makes me want to jump around, makes me cheerful and makes me miss. Now that smile makes me want to cry, it makes my heart cramped, for fear that it will disappear.
And that smile is still in my memory to this day.
Seriate..
