RANIA 'God's Destiny Makes Me Cry In Pelaminan'

Toughest Experiment

June 2010

Even 1 year has my introduction to Farhan mas. It felt like time passed so quickly, even though we did not meet every day, but for me since that introduction, Farhan actually filled every hour of my life.

Throughout the process of introductions, meetings, and the emergence of feelings, to the stage of feeling each other have a heart of each other, this relationship did not interfere with my study at all, I actually felt a new spirit. And my thesis is almost done.

I never absent asking God, for this relationship to be fine, I always hope it will all be beautiful in time.

But man may plan, may hope, be obliged to pray, but God is the determinant of all things.

That afternoon in mid-June I got a call from my dad. My mother is sick and needs to be taken care of, so I want to go back to Sumatra.

And I went home too.

After I say goodbye to Farhan mas, he asked me to always take care of myself and quickly return.

After arriving home, ten days I focused on taking care of my mother, and finally she recovered. Yes, I have a little problem with her heart, but it's still in its natural stages.

When I fully recovered, I planned to go back to Yogya. And continued my studies that stayed a little more. InshaAllah if there is no December barrier I can graduate.

"Mom, two more days Rania back to Yogya well, mother has really recovered right?" ask my mother.

"Udah mbak alhamdulillah, it's okay if you want to go back to Yogya again." Answer mother.

"Where's Bima?" ask the father who was sitting next to the mother.

"It seems fine, Rania rarely communicates with him" I replied.

"Why?" ask dad.

"Yes because Rania has not been related anymore with Bima, we are just ordinary friends."

"Dad likes the child, persistent, diligent, his ambition in a good direction" said the father praising Bima.

I just looked down when I heard my father say that, I was lazy to actually talk about Bima again.

"Rania has someone else, right?" ask mother.

I didn't answer him right away, I looked at my father who was looking at me and seemed curious.

"Jawab mbak" said the father.

"Yes." I replied.

"Who? College where? Or is it work?" ask dad.

"The name is Mas Farhan, his technician work at one of the electronic goods procurement companies for hotels and offices" I replied honestly.

"How long have you known him?" ask mother.

"One year." I replied.

"About a better future where the same Bima?" ask dad.

"Huh? Dad, how is that? The effect compares." I said somewhat annoyed.

"Sir, marriage is not enough to eat love, but it takes a lot of other things, which can guarantee your happiness, not just love."

"So what did you mean? Where's father's talk?" ask me in a soft tone of speech as possible while holding back a little emotion that flashed across my chest.

"Finish your relationship with what was her name?"

"Farhan." answered the mother.

"Yes, that Farhan, I have plans later on graduation, you are married to Bima" said the father as he looked at me.

"Huh? Daddy's? Mean what? How come suddenly discussing marriage, with Bima again, I never said anything to Rania before, how come there's such a plan?" I asked while trembling a little.

"Yes this is why now I say, I want her to mbak Rania same nak Bima, I know more about what is best for mbak, mbak can help her manage her new business later" said the father firmly.

"When Rania wants to study art, said dad no, no future, management aja, Rania nurut, when Rania wants to study in Jakarta while living at aunty yani's house, dad said don't, in Yogya aja, be independent, okay Rania nurut, all things in Rania's life to this day, it's all obeying what dad wants, now even about the heart, now, about marriage too, Rania SHOULD come with me?" I couldn't stand my crying. And finally the cry broke.

"Since when have you dared to fight Dad? Since when do you dare to ANSWER? since you met that FARHAN guy?" My father also yelled at me.

"No, Mr. Farhan is a good father, his prayers are diligent, patient, he never taught Rania a bad thing, this is all absolute from the heart of Rania." I said as I lowered my head withstanding the pain in my chest because of my crying.

"Just if your father says you are married to Bima yes with Bima, I will never give my blessing if it is not with Bima . POINT!" said the father in a high tone and immediately passed away.

"Astagfirullah, astagfirullah, the pain of my chest, O Allah, what is all this? Why must there be such a thing." My heart was crying.

Mother approached me, sat down next to me, and stroked my head which was still down.

"Mother, help Rania mom" I said while crying and hugging my mom.

"Sabar mbak yes, later I try to talk to your father. It has been a long time since I planned to unite you with Bima, that time when Bima called my father, and said he was busy pioneering a business even though it was just a small and just the beginning, I was very happy to hear it, I was happy to hear it, and I became more and more convinced to unite you with Bima" said the mother.

"Mom, the heart cannot be forced, right? Rania's heart is not for Bima mas, please Rania ma'am" I said begging mother.

"Yes, I'll try to talk to dad, yeah, don't cry. Get to the room, get some rest."

I also stepped my feet into the room, for some reason it felt like I was limp, my feet were very weak.

In my room I was constantly crying, I felt like I wanted Farhan to be in front of me at the time, I wanted to hug him, ask him to take me away.

All this time I was thinking too much about Mother Mas Farhan which I thought would be our relationship ordeal, then Zahra, then Sekar. And I'm sure I can handle it all slowly. But I didn't realize that this was his toughest ordeal. DADDY'S!!

I haven't told Farhan about this at all, I don't think I can tell him.

"O Allah, I beg of YOU, soften your heart, at least so that you will know Farhan before judging him." My prayer before going to bed that night.

Finally the time I left for Yogya arrived, from the morning I was packing, and since that night, when my father asked me to break up with Farhan mas, I and my father did not talk much, he said, I tried to avoid it, so that dad wouldn't talk about it again, I couldn't hear it.

"Mother, Rania said goodbye, I take care of my health, don't get sick anymore" I said, with my mother's condolences.

"Dear, be careful on the road. Take care of health as well, the main thing is not to stay in prayer" said mother advised me.

"Dad, Rania went back to Yogya first, I also take care of my health" I said while also sitting down to my father.

"Originally, I want to hear what my father said, InshaaAllah my father will always be healthy and happy, remember my father's words, the blessing will never come down, if it is not related to Bima." said dad while stroking my hair.

"Dad, his son wants to go back, this will be on the way even stress if the father says so" said the mother.

Dad was silent. And I held back my tears until my chest felt so tight.

On the plane I could no longer hold back my cries. It feels like it's really tightening the chest. In my head there is only Farhan mas, I would like to see him soon.

I really never thought there would be an episode like this in my life, I never could oppose my father, whatever the father said all his children must obey, must obey.

"Oh Allah, please Rania."

That afternoon I arrived in Yogya, when I arrived at the boarding house I did not immediately rest. I immediately told everything to Via my best friend.

Via could only fall silent and stroke my shoulder, strengthening me.

"Sabar yo Ran, I don't know what to say, this is his business with the blessing of parents" he said.

"No papa Vi, I just want to tell you, at least I can share my burden with you, because I can't yet say this to Farhan, I'm not strong Via." I said while crying.

Via hugged me, I cried all the time, only Via could strengthen me.

The night I couldn't sleep at all, I always remembered my father's words,

'There will be no blessing if not with Bima'.

"Dad, why do you have to be with Rania. Dad, can't give Rania a chance to bring Farhan mas to dad first, can't you see him even if only once, can't you see his sincerity towards Rania, just once father, can't, just once." I said in my heart while crying.

The next morning my head was heavy, dizzy, and I was taking headache medication. I still went to the college to hand over my last chapter to the supervising lecturer. Even with only half the energy, and the body that feels a little trembling. Because in addition to not sleeping, I also do not eat anything at all, just drink water only.

Mas Farhan knew that when I returned to Yogya, I told him this morning.

That afternoon I came home from college straight to the boarding house, I really felt weak, even all day there was absolutely no food that I swallowed. My mind feels chaotic, especially at dawn was not unusual - usually father SMS, and the contents of the father SMS is the same thing as he said when I wanted to leave yesterday.

"Ran, what's the shoot?" tanya mas Iwan who was sitting on the terrace with Via.

"Ho oh Ran, your eyes are rodo sembab, mbok uwes Ran, ojo in thought of the sharks, even loro kanko" said Via worried about me.

"I'm not papa, I go in first." I said as I left them.

I went into my room and lay down, and it felt like my vision was twitching. But I still couldn't fall asleep, my eyes were closed, just my mind was everywhere.

Maghrib arrived, I still heard the voice of Iwan again chatting with Via in front.

I soon heard Via knocking on my bedroom door. I tried to walk and open it.

"What's Vi?" I asked while looking at him listlessly.

"There's Farhan mas ahead" said Via.

"Oh yes, I wash my face first." I replied as I walked to the bathroom.

When I came out of Farhan, Via and Mas Iwan looked at me.

"Dec, what are the shoots?" ask me Farhan.

"Occasionally, again the arrival of monthly guests." replied Via giving an excuse so that mas Farhan was not worried.

But it was a coincidence that day that I was a hitch.

"Iki loh in maem, Farhan brought martabak" said mas Iwan.

"Yes monggo mas, in maem aja." I replied lethargic.

"You want to see a doctor on the deck?" ask me Farhan.

I could feel her voice sounding worried about my situation.

"No need, no papa, tomorrow is good." I replied.

"But your eyes are swollen, your face is pale, I first squirm you gini" he said.

"Ho oh to doctor wae Ran." interrupted mas Iwan.

"No need, I don't take eucalyptus oil for a minute" I said as I stood up.

And my defense collapsed, I fell, I fell, but I didn't faint.

I was still conscious, I could still hear Farhan calling me when my body collapsed.

I could feel my body in the lift of Farhan and Iwan mas.

"Drink Ran first" said Via giving a drink while propping up half of my body lying on the living room boarding chair.

I also drank, I could feel Via applying eucalyptus oil to my temple.

"To the hospital, yes, deck" said Farhan, holding my hand.

"No, I want to sleep in my room" I replied softly.

They also led me into my room. And put me in bed.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the doctor?" said Mas Farhan while still holding my hand.

"Mas Farhan." I said as I held back tears.

"Yes, what do you need? Try saying that." he said as his left hand brushed my hair.

"Mas." That's all I can say, and I feel my tears flowing. I can't hold it anymore.

I can't say anything at all, can only be as hiccuped, and privileged in my heart.

"Rania why Vi? Try to tell me the same story." said Mas Farhan

Via did not immediately reply, he looked at me, and I shook my head slowly coding him to tell me nothing.

"Besok aja mas ask Rania himself, nek Rania has recovered yes, now let him rest first yes" said Via.

Mas Farhan looked at me, clasped my hand, stroked my hair, I'm sure he knew something unusual was happening to me.

And finally Farhan mas and Iwan mas also pay back.

"I go home first, tomorrow I come back, I'm fine, don't cry anymore, there's me" he said, kissing my forehead.

My tears were getting broken, my chest was getting claustrophobic, I was sure they could see me as hard as I could, because I could feel my body shaking from the cries that were so stifling my chest.

"Jaudah mas Farhan, mas Iwan, come out first yuk, let Rania rest." take Via.

They went out and closed my door.

"Mas Farhan, I'm sorry, I've worried you, sorry to make you look at me like this, I'm sorry." I said softly as my door closed.

Seriate...