My love is my first love

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Although only 2 days in Jogja but I'm quite happy we can spend time together like before.

" I'm coming home, my flight's in 30 minutes. Praying congratulations until your destination "

I really wanted to take Giandra to Adi Sujipto Airport, but it was not possible because Giandra went home with his boss.

3 Months of our relationship is still all right, until the 4th month of Giandra began to reply to the old message.

At first I thought it might be because Giandra was busy, but the longer things we used to do were never done again.

Usually in the morning he greeted me with a sweet message, but now he no longer does.

Usually he always told me about his daily life, but now it's not.

And every night we always pillow talk, but now we've never done that. Every time I call never lift Giandra and always give an unclear reason.

We also often quarrel because of small things, even when I want to play to Jakarta he forbid me on the grounds of being busy with his work.

We have rarely called, even when there is a chance to call Giandra like lazy laziness.

I've asked him if he's in trouble or if I'm wrong but he said nothing.

For months it lasted, until one day in the time of heavy rain jogja, a new message from Giandra came.

In his message he apologized for not being able to continue our relationship. For Giandra this LDR relationship tortured him greatly.

And Giandra wants us to break up. Of course I don't want to break up with her, in a few months I should be asking for her.

Even Giandra forgot all his promise to hold on well in Jakarta and patiently waited for me until I proposed to him.

I replied to the message but it turns out my number is in the block, I call my phone can not even call home he does not want to talk to me.

In just our 8 months of LDR, what we built up over the years just crumbled away.

There was no way to contact him, it seemed like Giandra only wanted me to accept his decision without any resistance.

Almost 5 years I tried to be a man who deserves him, even the mistakes he made in the past I forgive.

Now I didn't make any mistakes but he left me for no apparent reason.

If the problem is only because of our relationship LDR seems to be looking for a middle ground.

I only asked for 1 year and now only a few months left until my savings are enough.

It's been 1 month since I broke up with Giandra and my life has been ruined.

I never worked again, all the effort I put into my employees.

Other than buying food I almost never went out.

My room was so messy, I rarely took a shower, so I was active smoking and I never drank liquor for life, now I drink liquor every day.

You will not stop drinking if you are conscious. I realize now that I'm destroying my own life.

I don't care about anyone anymore.

When my life was ruined, I saw whatsapp stories from Giandra's friends. When walking to Magelang I had time to save the number.

In the whatsapp story, he said goodbye to a woman who is none other than Giandra.

In the story whatsapp, Giandra and her husband wear white sunda custom clothing. Giandra wore a white kebaya complete with a siger on his head.

There are some photos that Giandra's friends share in his story, how his marriage, the atmosphere, how happy they were that day.

The more I looked at the story the more it felt like it was getting destroyed.

My body immediately limp, cold and slow. There hasn't been 1 month of us breaking up but Giandra is already married to someone else.

Or maybe when we were still dating Giandra was already in touch with her husband.

Because it is impossible to prepare a wedding in just 1 month.

From the bouquets in the story, it looks like her husband has a PNS where he works.

It's just right before our relationship ended Giandra was difficult to contact, all this answered all my questions at that time.

Maybe because I was too shocked to accept this fact, or maybe also because of the influence of alcohol that accompanied me this 1 month.

I ran out of sense trying to think about ending my life.

With shaky steps I headed towards the bath kamae, took the poison attack and returned to the room.

I looked at the insect venom that was in front of me, with a limp and shivering body I was still weighing whether I should end my life and end this pain.

After a moment of thought, I unscrewed the bottle of insect venom.

First I felt my mouth and throat hot and long time like burning, my stomach was long time hot and like burning.

In that condition I thought that even to end my life I had to feel a lot of pain.

I curled up my throat, floundered a few times and due to the excruciating pain I was finally unconscious.

If that day my first brother did not come to me who could not be contacted, and because he needed to buy books for his college assignments so he had to meet me.

Maybe I've escaped the pain in the world.

But as the saying goes, man can only plan but God determines.

My sister arrived in time by entering my room which I did not lock.

Found me lying on the floor with foam in my mouth.

The sight that made me apologize to my sister for having to see her brother who was so weak and cowardly that he had to end his life.

My sister immediately asked for help, with a rented neighbor taking me to the nearest hospital.

I went straight into the ER to get help.

I fainted all night. As soon as I opened my eyes I was alive and was already in the treatment room.

There was my family there, my mother who was crying and looking at my hand. And it was my father who calmed my mother, and my sister who looked at me.

After I realized, I cursed myself for doing something stupid. How foolish I am to think only of myself and not of my family.

I am the backbone of the family. What if I wasn't around, what my sister who is still in school would be like.

Why can't I take all the pain of Giandra's betrayal and let time heal my wounds.

I cried and apologized to my parents.

That day I realized, the most loving, caring and sincere person to us is just family.