Lutfi Gilang's

1. Stigmatising

Class I Central Jakarta State Prisoner House.

Time passed by without giving me a pause, rolling with my life in this cold dark place. Surrounded by a wall with one exit and a latrine without a toilet cover, making me have to hold the level until the work term arrives. It was the right tempo for the sake of getting a chance to wear the attendant bathroom. Although I must admit, it smells as disgusting as WC Elementary School.

The day I spent alone in my living room with thousands of blasphemous howls about acts of corruption and infidelity became food for my ears at all times, every time they went through my prison, and every time they see me.

Now, despite being used to being bullied and alienating from many people, and ignoring various insults, I am still myself, an ordinary human being, in need of dialogue other than my alter ego. Indeed, in the last 7 years, chatting with Lutfi became a routine that I lived while in High School or campus, outside school time, and when at home. So, now, with Lutfi gone after I proposed to her on December 8, 2018 last year, it really makes me feel 'lonely'. More than that, delivering 'depression' to me that I hope does not end in 'sickness of soul'.

Living life with criminals, along with citizens who are oppressed with rank or property, in a rutan with a capacity of 1,450 people is not easy. Apart from being ostracized, accused, and bullying, living alone in a living room makes me like the most dangerous person in Central Jakarta State Prisoner House, he said, like the most savage animal that no other animal should live with, like a patient who is exposed to the most deadly and contagious virus.

I don't understand why people who are charged with an uncertain problem the truth is that it's my fault have to go through the routine with other prisoners. Even if you consider an artist or government who is exposed to similar demands like me or even greater problems, it can actually live their days in prison like they live daily, he said, without the need to eat inmates' food or work without pay.

And good for those who are with them, who have a lot of money, will be privileged in the rutans by the officers rather than other prisoners. And if their money is enough, they can be free from the entanglement of the law. Indeed the song If I So Gaius Tambunan from Bona Paputungan about 'punishment can be bought' is true. This country really is the funniest stage.

Fights often occur here, the seizure of the throne as a prison ruler among the captives. The fights that often affected me. Fists that fly without cause always cause trouble without knowing the time. If only if not to weigh my reputation as a writer and fiance Lutfi—anak from a religious family of course I will enter into their group. Replying to the fists and kicks that hit my body, stuffing the mouths of those who spy on me with foul shoes, subjugating prisoners, becoming the master of everything in prison. And that's what my thoughts have been all the time, other than my thoughts about Lutfi and my work as a writer.

Problems work, for the past week I have made a framework to write until the end of the story and 25% of the story I managed to hope. So, there is a high possibility that the manuscript will be completed at the end of February. Then the question of Lutfi, my fiancee who disappeared without a trace, because of my current condition I had to entrust her search to the police despite many doubts that I could not avoid.

Not only did I write a novel that was 90% based on my true story, I also wrote about what I was doing every day in prison. I'll write everything down, all the things I've experienced here without exaggerating or mitigating the event. And hopefully, with the series of phrases I made, it will give me the strength and motivation to keep going through the days with the prisoners before I can finally go back to finding Lutfi, the woman I love, which disappeared without me knowing why, which suddenly conveyed a message with great care.

The message was in the form of a letter that accidentally fell when I opened the book sheet that the Director gave me when he visited me early I was imprisoned here.

Did the Director meet Lutfi and finally visit me, asking me to go back to writing? Did the Director purposely visit me to deliver a message from Lutfi? If so, how did they meet? More than that, how did Lutfi know that I was in prison? Was he here all along, around here, watching me? But where is he? And for what?

The questions repeat endlessly and do not lead to a definite answer. So, in order to make a conclusion, I will ask him directly to the Director when he comes here, again. Although I can't be patient waiting for his second visit.

'Life in prison is so heavy I feel, my body is thin, because of the burden of the mind.' The lyrics of Bona Paputungan's song really realize what I'm doing right now. There was no way I could stay at home with the inmates who continued to discriminate against me every day, every moment. There's no way I can relax waiting for news from the Director about the misunderstanding that got me in jail. And there's no way I can calm down after getting the help of the police to find my fiancee, which in fact until this moment there's no information whatsoever.

Therefore I think where the earth is in the sky is held up, so others will not think of me as a frog in a shell. I hope it doesn't affect my career as a writer when I get out of jail, and hopefully Lutfi will understand my decision. Hope so....

🚶🚶🚶

I also imitated what Iko Uwais did when she was imprisoned in The Raid 2 but it was different from Panji in Comic 8, of course because it was just a comedy. I didn't expect what I saw in a movie to be real, so I'm grateful to Gareth Evans and the entire crew involved in filming The Raid 2, because it helps me so much now, it gives the right image to practice fighting skills while in the living room alone.

Don't get me wrong and assume I'm just joking about it. Of course not! In the past, when Junior High for almost 3 years I really pursued pencak silat extracurricular. I spent an entire week studying martial arts in different places, with different teachers, but still in one college. For 1 month of non-stop practice, and adding physical exercise by jogging 5 km each morning after the morning prayers, I did sparing with the senior who was one class with me, class A, I did, and or two levels above me.

In pencak silat sports, the class division for the fight category is based on weight and classified according to age and gender. Teenagers for boys and girls aged 14 to 17 years, starting from class A with a weight range of 39 - 42 kg to class I with a weight range of 63 - 67 kg. Then the adult group for sons and daughters aged 17 to 35 years, starting from class A with a weight range of 45 - 50 kg to class J with a weight range of 90 - 95 kg.

There are also free matches, which do not care about age and weight. But it is difficult to do in Indonesia because it is considered too dangerous. This is caused by fighters who do not wear body protector and a longer standing period than usual. More than that, a fighter would be considered a loser only if he was overwhelmed against or gave up. Some even allow attacking vital areas.

In the next week, I followed various matches until then luck peaked for me, so it did not feel I won the champion 2 pencak silat teenage class A in Central Java Province. I have to accept that result because of my habit of eating chicken noodles with sambal a lot, I had to have diarrhea and was disqualified from the match because after the first round I asked permission for the BAB and did not return until the deadline for the match ended.

Furthermore, I underwent training as usual, and had to accept the absence of an official match held by IPSI—Ikatan Pencak Silat Indonesia as before until I passed SMP. Just sparing or ordinary games made college. Sometimes the match is not class-appropriate, but the match is free, so coaches and teachers can participate, and few members want to sign up even seniors also prefer to be spectators or judges rather than fighters.

But unlike me, I who was very engaged in pencak silat— sport even arguably fanatic— became the youngest and most fortified participant. As a result, due to the physical condition, energy, and experience that only wanted 3 months, I had to accept defeat after advancing to the quarter-finals.

Only at the beginning of the 8th grade semester, I attended a free class pencak silat match at the Kawedanan level which was attended by five universities: HMS, White Pigeon, Pagar Nusa, White Dragon, and Sacred Site; coincidentally I managed to win the general champion twice in a row— that time free matches are held 2 times a year. So the following year, I was banned from being a participant at once because I had already entered the third grade, had to focus on the national exam.

After the 3rd grade of the gas semester, I still practice pencak silat on Saturday and Sunday with the reason of overcoming fatigue facing the test. And fortunately if there is a sparing I am still allowed to come even though my opponent is my own teacher.

But, after meeting with Lutfi in the Try Out event held at one of the High Schools in Banyumas I decided to stop being a fighter and focus more on authorship, novels. And very hyper write up to publish 2 books within 90 working days.

Actually, many regret my decision, but I myself as a person who lived it feel proud to be a writer. That I work without the need to hurt others with the cry of those who get louder as I beat up my opponents. More than that, my writing can fill the boredom of readers, give them insight, and will continue to exist for many even though I am dead, as well as being the right livelihood for a student like me.

But during High School and after becoming a student, I was still the old me, who had expressed the ambition of becoming a swordsman during Junior High School, I was still the old me, so when the time comes for me to show myself beating up other people I can do it without getting hurt. Hence, the people closest to me told me: "The Two Blade Swords", can fight with both physical and written. Really, I'm really burdened by that.

From my experience practicing martial arts makes me sure that I can at least compensate for the way people fight here with the intention of making them hunchback— no longer bothers me. And I must advise you not to follow my example after this unless you are equipped with qualified expertise.

Now, with my decision to fight once again is my effort to no longer be blasphemed and bullied by other prisoners, so that I can live my life in prison quietly and avoid the burden of piled up thoughts, so that I don't feel like time is running slower in this place. Yes, everything is for me, for my selfishness. May Lutfi understand me, and may the Lord forgive me of my actions, may....