Lutfi Gilang's

5. My regrets

i

The second break bell rang forcing the teacher to finish the lesson at that time. All the students looked excited and rushed out. On the look on their faces, I can guess, surely their stomachs have been rumbling. Moreover, the history lesson just now was very frustrating, in my opinion.

Wh why? Of course because it's boring.

Kelvin came up to me and took me to the cafeteria. I said first. But he forced a wait.

I'm letting. And start cleaning school supplies so that when the last lesson later, it is neat. So I can watch carefully.

Finally, because they waited too long. Kelvin got up from his seat and apologized but I didn't respond.

Soon I saw from the corner of my eye Gilang wake up from his sleep. Tidying up the uniform and looking at me sharply. I was immediately convinced that he would take me both away, because it was me and him in class.

Actuallyno. I had prepared various excuses to reject his invitation.

“You want to go home?”

 

I was shocked. Then laughed a little because I realized my behavior was clearly seen packing.

A few seconds later I said: “Ga.”

“Oh, so want to go to the cafeteria?”

I answered him with a nod of the head which to me was very judgmental, especially since I did not look at him. That should be enough to let him know that I don't want to be disturbed.

Surprisingly, I usually still act normal if asked by others. Especially by him. More precisely, that was the second time he asked me something. But, for some reason that day, I felt like I was changing in judging it.

“I'm coming,” he said then got up and flipped. Very impressed waiting for me.

I pulled the zipper bag and got out of my seat. “Cute what?”

“Ke canteen.”

“Ga wired.” Stepping through the tables.

“Kan canteen for anyone.” he said by stepping by my side.

Right too. But I'm not going to the cafeteria with you know! People will think we are dating. Yeah, right?

I stopped at the front door of the class. Looking in the other direction. “Usually also you sleep on.”

Without waiting for the answer, I moved my legs again.

“See you be laper.”

“I'm not food!” I said without looking at him.

“But similar bakpao.”

No response, because it's not important.

But he whispered, his voice I heard very slowly calling me: “Fi,”

I'm silent. Unresponsible.

“Someone wants me to talk about,”

Hearing him talk like that, I think I want to tell him straight away: “From yesterday also talked. No, no need to talk. What the hell are you talking about?”

But, the words that came out instead: “Iya,”

“But ga now.”

The deg! I feel like the situation changed instantly. Is this the time? Is this a good time for him to shoot me? Well, I'm really nervous. Do not know what to answer other than reject him, or maybe it will be diem, because it is not yet known. Maybe I couldn't wait to get shot by him.

“Terus?”

“Ga know later malem, what tomorrow, or still long.”

“Eh?”

I'm really confused how to respond. Hearing that I felt angry, upset, and laughing. Funny but hell, you know!

And I continued walking without being able to stop Gilang who was by my side.

When it was almost until I stopped because I saw the booming crowd of students in the canteen. I felt like I had to force my stomach to hold my hunger until I got home from school.

“You want to eat out?”

I was shocked to make me look at him.

“There's a nice place to eat across the street, but it's kind of in the alley kikit.”

I quickly snarled and left him. I rushed to the mosque, hoping to forget my hunger.

But, Gilang still stepped on my right side and again said: “Later also you want. Wait aja.”

Unresponsible. However, I had intended to stay away from Gilang. And of course, I don't want to get closer to lazy people like him. Don't wanna. Especially eating together. Sorry are!

“You know, all the students here are arrogant?”

“Why?” my many. I felt she was insinuating my attitude towards her that day.

“Who wants nyamperin security guard to keep eating together?”

“Who?”

“Acuse me.”

“Oh.”

I smile but a little.

🌹🌹🌹

ii

When we got in front of the mosque. Gilang suddenly left and nyamperin security guard who was stepping here.

Curious, I tried to eavesdrop.

“Iya Mas Gilang, why?”

“Have eaten?”

“It's morning, but it's not noon yet. He he he.”

“You eat together?”

Hearing him say that, for God's sake, I was very, very shocked and unexpected. What he told me before was really done.

At first I only thought Gilang was just looking for sensation, but after hearing the response of the security guard all the prejudices disappeared instantly.

“Loh, how to eat again? This is the tenth time, Mas Gilang ngajak eat together, payin again. It's bad Mamang.”

“Ga papa Mang's. Today is my birthday celebration.”

Huh uh?! Is today your birthday celebration? You're a birthday?

It felt like there was a bit of regret in rejecting his invitation. And it all got bigger after hearing Gilang say again.

“But at the chicken noodle shop opposite ya Mang?”

Chicken noodles! My heart exclaims. It was one of my favorite foods. Well, I'm fucking mrs.

“Siap Mas, anyway if paid mah, Mamang nurut. But don't be long, Mamang again work. Later can be fired if later ngilang.”

“Beres.”

“It's also Mas.”

“Iya,”

“Do not spicy-spicy well, Mamang ga strong spicy because.”

“Siap.”

“Ga Kayak Mas Gilang. Huh! Naruh sambal really much.”

“If it's not spicy, it's steady Mang.”

Does Gilang really like spicy? What isit? Must be my level bike. Ouch, I'm getting drooling.

All the exclamations only reached my heart without me being able to reveal them until now, ten years into the future.

At that time I could only endure hunger while waiting for the time of Dzuhur prayer. And unknowingly, I made an appointment: “From now on, I will not refuse when invited by Gilang.”

Upon awakening, I only dumbstruck in wonder and then smiled to myself.

🌹🌹🌹

iii

After school, I stepped into the boarding house. Walk down the sidewalk alone. From behind, I heard the bicycle. Her voice was slow, but I knew it was coming from the pedal of my grandmother's pedal.

When the bike was on par with me, the road slowed down. Like intentionally equating to my walking speed. And it looks like he's coming again.

 

Wh who? Yes Gilang!

“You want to go home?”

I answered with a nod of my head and without looking at him.

 

“I'm coming.”

“Ga wired.”

“Well, if the lesson is finished it means you can go home, right?”

Ih keel! Yes you are right. But that means you can't come with me home.

Quiescent. Me, him, shut up. This is better for me. Although over time it feels awkward.

 

Actually I wanted to ask where he ate the chicken noodles as well as the rest security guard earlier. But the time I was the nanya, later calculated ngarep.

Won't!

“It's the first day we go home with.”

I didn't respond because it wasn't important. Honestly, I was also feeling very hungry and uncomfortable being bothered. Moreover, I want to eat spicy noodles. Ouch.

Shortly afterwards Gilang again said: “There is a letter.”

“Make who?” ask judes.

“Lutfi.”

“From whom?”

Gilang gave me a letter.

I grabbed him without facing him.

By the way, I was worried that he would follow me to the boarding house. If it were, I would try my best to ban it. Anyway don't let it happen!

Thank goodness not. Turn away, and turn in the opposite direction.

When he left, there was a feeling of guilt because he had acted judes to him. Moreover, that day, for the first time he spoke more to me than in the days before. I really remember, he just said: “Absen.”

Two other sentences are quite long: “Picket teacher tell you to enter.”; and “Basic Queen Absent, want to be late until when?”.

I'm sure he must be sad. Surely he's upset. I would feel the same way if I treated people like me to him.

“Sorry Gilang.”