Love Without But

Not me

***

My heart is getting worse. There was no one else I could hope to give and lift me out of a slump. It all seems to blame and blame me. I already do not care maybe even have forgotten that at this time in my womb there is a developing fetus expecting his right to be noticed by his future mother.

Sunlight has begun to lean towards the west. The day's signs are starting to turn up in the afternoon. Azan Ashar was heard from a nearby mosque. Sister Iwan invited me to get out of our seats after he had previously paid for all the food I ordered earlier.

Walk to the mosque which is located across the road. Maybe because the mind is chaotic so I do not pay attention to the surrounding situation when trying to cross the highway that is crowded with two-wheeled vehicles and four-wheeled vehicles that cross each other.

Just a few steps across the street, I was startled by the yelling of someone from behind. "Dhiniiil .. watch out for the motor!" Not lost the shock of my body was grabbed and then brought rolling towards the shoulder of the road. I sat down weak. It feels like there is no more energy left even just lifting the wrist I can not afford.

"Dhinil! you why? deliberately want to harm yourself and the baby in your womb?" Kak Iwan's question made me sobber.

"Why did Brother Iwan even help me? Isn't it that Big Brother doesn't care about my whereabouts and feelings?" teriaku. Though in my own heart shuddered in horror if Kak Iwan had not run fast and pulled me to the side of the road. Somehow my fate.

I am in addition to feeling indebted to also owe my life to the man I used to waste his existence in order to choose a man who actually even disappointed and worse like now.

The man took a deep breath and slowly breathed it out. Shaking his head he said, "But, you shouldn't be doing something as silly and dangerous as that, Dhin. Remember in your womb there is an innocent baby. It's too bad to have to go through something bad because of her mother."

My heart screamed again. Why even other men should pay attention and worry about my content. As for Mas Agung, my husband from the beginning of pregnancy until now my stomach bulged him as if he did not care. Let alone stroke the stomach that is being inhabited by this prospective child, even just asking about the development of her pregnancy was never given at all.

Kak Iwan invited me to immediately enter the mosque area, following the Ashar prayer congregation which will soon begin.

"It's still strong to walk on its own, right?" he asked after he had previously poured mineral water to drink so that I would slightly lose my sense of shock because of a terrible tragedy that almost took two lives.

Trained even with knees shaking weakly, I tried to force myself to stand and drag my feet towards the toilet for women to clean themselves while taking the water there. After that join the female worshipers who have filled the mosque room.

"Who's home?" asked Kak Iwan who was already beside me after coming out of the mosque.

"Self," I replied shortly.

"Sorry, yes, instead of Kak Iwan not want to send, worry later even arise slander for us," he said later.

"Yes, Brother, Dhinil knows.

'Stop, brother, don't keep showing this kind of attitude towards me! I could be crazy for him. Because what has been expected by a wife is genuine attention and worry from the figure of her own husband not even from another man who clearly there is no bond whatsoever.' My mind screamed without speaking.

***

Mother and Abah looked surprised when they saw their daughter back home alone without the Great Mas with me. But, after I explained everything was fine, even by covering up the actual incident, they were finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. All the worries about the bad things that happened to his son instantly evaporated. I was also relieved to see it and could again enjoy this heartache alone. At least do not burden the minds of the two very dear ones.

Being in a relationship with LDR is hard. True to what others often say that long distance relationships are vulnerable often misunderstandings and pressures when they feel they are no longer noticed.

There is always pain in the heart when the messages I send to Mas Agung are not touched at all.

Lately I just found out that it turns out that Mas Agung's original attitude is like that.

I think with LDR, Mas Agung will be more able to show his attention and concern for me by replying to my messages or just calling to ask news. But everything didn't go according to what I had hoped for all along.

Even when I told the incident this afternoon that almost made me harm the husband through a chat message. None of which he responded. Makes my mind drift everywhere.

"Life should not be made too dramatic, Dhin, just walk like the water flows where it goes, yes, follow!" lyra suggested as I went to her house and told her all the burdens of thought I felt. Including about my meeting with Kak Iwan in Menes square a few days ago. Because only to my best friend this one I can be open and a place to share the feeling that I often do both when I was a girl and after having a partner like this now.

"Lo can just Ra, talk like that to me. Because Lo himself has never been in my kayak position like now, right?" I'm afraid I'm upset as if Lyra's been cornered and blaming my attitude and decisions.

"That's not it, I mean, man .... ! But, we should still think positively even in a state of stress anyway." Lyra's speech is almost exactly the same as what Kak Iwan said the other day. Making my feelings go down as if everyone wasn't on my side.

"Lo himself has managed to prove it with his own eyes yet, if Mas Agung was really there to play with female friends at work?" The question from Lyra made me slightly stunned.

I just shook my head weakly in response to his question.

"Well, right, you shouldn't like to deduce yourself before there's accurate evidence" Lyra said later.

Connect ....