Love Without But

Drunken

***

Today Mas Agung invited me to come to where he works. I was a little surprised to hear that. As if not believing the man who is now my husband dare to show me as a wife in front of all his coworkers.

"Make what Brother, Adek must come to work Brother. What's the show?" many ensure.

"There is no event, anyway .. just friends of work Sister on nanyain Adek.  He said to be invited and introduced. Let them know."

"Come on, Deck, get ready first."

 "Yes, sister, change clothes for a while," I replied in a hurry to enter the room.

I chose a navy-colored top batik shirt with a subordinate matching color long skirt, as well as a quadrangular Parisian hijab covering the head. When he was about to get out of the door Mas Agung suddenly stunned to see me.

"Why Brother, is there something wrong with Adek's appearance?" I asked to feel uncomfortable with her gaze that seemed to doubt me.

"Seriously wear a veil like that?"

"Lha, what's the matter, brother? Adek is normal, really, wear a rectangular hijab like this," I explained.

"But this material is very thin, Dek, transparent like gini, similar to rice filter cloth in the kitchen," she said as her hand swiped one end of the hijab I wore.

I chuckled at the words of the tall man who was now standing face to face, while commenting on the veil likened to the white rice filter cloth.

"No, my brother, is there a time when the hijab is equated with a rice filter?" I still argue with a small laugh.

"Yes, what a difference, wong is equally thin like that, really. See, Adek's hair can be seen from the outside," he said later.

I saw the glare of his sharp eyes illustrating the seriousness. It was as if he was telling me to remind me. To appreciate the reprimand I also asked permission to return to the room to replace the veil with an instant hijab made from a bit thick and loose even though the length is not up to cover the back.

"Naah .. This is the new wife Brother, if the hood is neat and wide like this." Mas Agung said as I approached him who was waiting in the courtyard of the house.

"Yes, Allah .. grateful that the servant has been met with a creature like this, besides being handsome he also does not hesitate to direct his wife in a better direction. Though previously I was ok, with the appearance of me wearing a thin hijab like that.

***

We began to enter the school parking lot where Mas Agung taught. Seeing that there are many people who are huddling and passing by in front of the two-story building that makes my nyaliku feel shrill again. There are no teaching activities there today. There was only a gathering of fellow co-workers Mas Agung before entering the early semester break.

After being invited and seduced by Mas Agung I also began to walk hand in hand next to him. His palm held my shoulder without hesitation even in front of many people, as if to convince the doubts that always disturbed my heart.

I was invited by Mas Agung to mingle with all his co-workers without exception. One by one they took hands and made small talk.

"Mbak, you know not, it used to be, Mr. Agung before marriage with Mbak Dihinil had wanted to be betrothed to Bu Mega by the Headmaster here, you know .... " chirp one of the middle-aged mothers while talking to me.

I just smiled in response. Because before it already knows, because Mas Agung himself has told it. Even Mas Agung once said, he intends to ask for help through branch studies to find a prospective wife if the proposal some time ago I refused.

After almost an hour I had a conversation with Mas Agung's co-worker. Unconsciously he had long since disappeared from sight. I also took the initiative to look for it.

It was clear that a woman with menor makeup because of her bright red lipstick color was facing the figure of a man who was now behind me.

"Patience, dear ..it is not yet time for Dihinil to know everything about all this. Later if the time is possible, Mas will tell him and tell him that in fact Mas already has a wife, which is you."

Like being struck by lightning in broad daylight. My heart is beating fast. It feels like there is an invisible object that slices the inside of the chest cavity. My body was limp as boneless, when I heard the talk of a familiar voice in the ear. For a moment I was silent. As if the breath is gone from half of the body. 

Trying to gather the remaining energy I ran towards the musala who was beside the school gate. Tears are unbearable again. I cried hugging my knees alone.

"I'm sorry Brother Dhin." The familiar shrill voice in the ears sounded from the side.

"Your staff did all this to me! What's my fault, brother?" I punched and banged his field in the chest expressing a feeling of being crushed to the ground at this moment.

"What does all this mean?" My hysterical shrill voice filled the musala room. Blending with sobs that are increasingly becoming. No longer caring about the people around me who might hear and see me. Self-awareness is lost in my soul.

Instead of giving the answer to the man I had admired was just silently staring without saying a word. It makes my emotions feel ignored.

"Say, Brother! Let's answer! What's all this mean?" I still roared high without stopping to bash the front of his body that stood towering in front. 

"Why didn't you tell me from the beginning that you were married and had a wife other than me, Sister .... ? Answer!" I shouted in front of the man. His sturdy body still remained unmoved without any response.

It is beyond reason that the man who I consider to be angelic and obedient to perform the service has the power to be petty towards me. Not only to me, but to my mother, Abah, and my family. 

"Evil, you, brother! What do I have to say to my parents, family, and everyone in the village if I'm married to a married man?" hysterical scream.

Inexhaustible, why does this all have to happen to me? Stuck in an unexpected marriage. All of the Great Mas families no one was open-mouthed about the true circumstances. They seemed to cover up the lies committed by his son.

Imagining a husband that I've been proud of sharing love and warmth with other women makes me confused. Between pain and disgust converges in the heart. Which woman can be put in a situation like this?

A thousand questions raged in the chest. When they got married. Either before or after Mas Agung Married me. If before marrying me, why was he not honest when he was married? And if the marriage happened after I became Mas Agung's wife, why did I never know it?

"We were married many years before Mas Agung married you, Dek Dhinil. But we were not given any descendants. So I let him remarry his chosen girl, you."

The voice of the woman I had seen in the room with Mas Agung was now beside me. As if to answer the question of my heart.

'What kind of marriage is this, Yes Robb .. ' my screams are in my heart. 

Just imagining it, I was not able to. Especially having to live it. The world is collapsing. Hope to build a household that is extinct already. Replacing with pain at the base of the heart.

"That you destroyed is not just me, brother. But Mum and Abah will also be sick and disappointed if they find out all about your cipher!" I'm back to being confused. Imagining soon my world crumbling along with my race.

However, the sturdy man still shook his head silently in silence. Stand sculpting. Although the chest of the field was not stopping I hit it earlier.

***

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