Love Without But

Talk Both

***

I don't know why after I found out about my pregnancy. His attitude changed a little. His attitude that was always warm and caring, now turned cold and indifferent. Or maybe just my feelings.

Yesterday afternoon we came back from Madam Mila's house. I am now at my mother's house. Tomorrow Mas Agung will return to his own hometown without me. Sad and heavy it feels in a young pregnant state should stay far away from him.

Moreover, lately the feeling of nausea and dizziness has become more intense. This may be called morning sickness in the first trimester of pregnancy. It should be when in this condition there is always a husband figure who is always ready to be on standby.

However, because it has been a mutual agreement for a while this must undergo LDR-an. I have to be strong and get through it.

Status that has entered category 2 in my place of dedication dear if it should be left alone. Moreover, in the next four months there is information that there will be a simultaneous CPNS test opening specifically for those who have entered K2. I also have to be patient at least until waiting to take the test first. After that, I made a choice. If later until not pass the test I have to follow Mas Agung and settle together in his hometown. Whereas if good luck sided then he would be willing

to live here living together.

It's been almost ten in the night, Mas Agung has not yet had any signs of entering the room. He still sounded fun chatting on the front porch with some people still hanging out outside the house.

I was waiting for him to almost fall asleep on my own. The sound of the door creaking began to sound as someone opened from the outside. I saw that the clock on the wall of the room had already shown the number eleven past fifteen minutes. It had been almost half twelve nights that he had just moved to bed. Tomorrow morning he will leave me. I was hoping that tonight we could make the most of this last time by filling the time together like a husband and wife who will be separated even if only for a while. Instead, he chose to spend time chatting with others. Without caring about my feelings that were waiting for him.

I pretended to be asleep after I found out he had started to enter the room and lay his body on the side of the bed. His tall body was stretched out with his hands supporting the back of his head. While the next hand is attached to the top of the forehead. It was as if he was sleeping alone in this room. Without caring about my being beside her.

'Why Great Mas so changed his attitude one hundred and eighty degrees to be stiff, cold and insensitive like this.' I can only hold it in my heart. Where is his attitude that was romantic and always aggressive when alone with me.

***

Dawn. As usual, I always woke up earlier than me. After she finished cleaning herself from the bathroom. It was just about to pat me slowly waking me up from deep sleep.

After the dawn prayer I began to prepare all the clothes and items that will be brought home by Mas Agung. As long as they pack their clothes into the bag to be carried. My eyes began to condense and I slowly began to sob. Feeling heavy when he was about to let go as if he would be separated for good. I know this is only for a while.

There was no sign of a memorable farewell at all that he gave me as his wife. I could only endure the inner turmoil in my heart without being able to say a word.

"Mom, sir, for a while I put Dihinil, first yes, here," he said greeting Mother and Abah.

"Yes, Son, Great. Hopefully there is the best way so that you can quickly stay together again," replied Mother turned her head towards me.

"Be careful on the road, yes, greetings to all his extended family there." Abba added.

Yes, Bah, Mak, come .... !"

Slowly he began to turn on the engine of the two-wheeled vehicle then drove after previously nodding his head towards Mother and Abah who was still standing peg to release the departure of his daughter-in-law. After I made sure his figure was no longer visible. Half-run I ran towards the room. After being in it on my knees I was stunned behind the door all by myself. Holding back the crying sound so as not to break and heard by Mother and Abah.

I don't want them to know that this morning before Mas Agung's departure. He and I had a conversation and fought with each other. I tried to keep him from leaving today. But Mas Agung himself insisted he had to leave at this time as well. Luckily, both my parents were not home. Not knowing the quarrel of his son and daughter-in-law. My mom and dad are fine.

'Yes, Robb .. new married servant for corn. Just two months have been given a household exam like this.' In my heart I can only complain to the Giver of Destiny.

***

Although there is a sense of reluctance and prestige to start asking for news. For nearly fourteen hours, I disabled my phone. Avoid not communicating with him. Especially if you have to start first. But my instincts as a wife cannot linger with selfishness. Eventually, the heart also melted. There is a feeling of worry and wonder in the heart. How is he doing at the moment. It has reached its destination, is it still on its way. Or ... Ah, why do these bad thoughts sometimes like to come by themselves. This high worry finally rattled me to reach for the flat object that had been stored on the nightstand.

I started typing chat asking for his whereabouts.

[Assynoltomodel. How are you saying, Sis, have you reached home yet?] 

After a nearly mature consideration. I finally sent that short message. It's okay to start asking him first. Instead of waiting and continuing to hope that he first contacted me. Because I think it's impossible. It was evident that almost fifteen hours after his departure there was not a single message he sent to my number.

I've sent a message to Mas Agung for almost two hours. But there was no reply from him either. My heart is back.

Seriate.