Love Without But

On one condition

***

After the dawn prayer, Maria and I began to go to the town square of Menes. The distance that must be taken there approximately takes two hours using a Jakarta-Labuan bus or other cars that are in the direction of there. We deliberately left early because the event would start at nine in the morning. Hope to follow the lesson from the beginning.

Menes city square and its surroundings have been crowded by pilgrims who come from various regions. Starting from the nearest to the farthest areas like me and Maria. The sea of humans can be seen tiled almost filled the streets and markets Menes not far from the square. Maria and I chose a place that was a bit loose from the crowd so as not to feel too claustrophobic because it had to jostle.

It has been almost three hours listening to the tausiyah from speakers who are familiar because they often appear to fill the morning lecture at one of the private television stations. After the Akbar event was closed we headed to the nearest mosque to perform Zuhur prayer.

After the prayer, Maria asked me to wait for her in the mosque area because she had a need with someone who she said was still a coworker where she taught.

"Yes, it's okay to wait here. But, don't be long, Mar," I said before Maria left the courtyard of the mosque.

Filling the time while waiting for Maria I sat on the terrace of the mosque while reading a favorite novel by Asma Nadia.

"Dhinil ... what else is there?" The question of someone who was no stranger to the ears surprised me. My reflexes raised my head towards the source of the sound.

A second of my net didn't blink when our two eyeballs met. Heart rate is pounding. Because I never thought I would meet and meet him face to face at this time.

"Sister Iwan ... ," I muttered.

Iwan stepped closer towards me. Staring at me from head to toe. I tried to cover the part of the stomach that had begun to look bloated with some of the wide hijab I was wearing. Somehow my confidence instantly disappeared during an unexpected encounter with the man who had once given me hope, when my condition was like this.

"How's it going? What else is there?" he repeated the question earlier.

"Dhinil's good news. Owh, emh .. anu, Kak, Dhinil are waiting for a friend," I replied stammeringly unable to cover up the nervousness.

"Where's husband? How about, wait for a friend?" Iwan turned his head around as if searching for the whereabouts of someone he was looking for.

"Mas Agung again in Java."

"Kok, can you stay far away from each other instead of living there?"

"Dhinil again wants to stay here first." I answered that whole.

"What's Mom and Abah's news, to everyone's health, right?"

'Yes Allah .. How painful is this man towards my family? It has been almost a year since my marriage he still had time to ask news of Mother and Abah. While Mas Agung during yesterday we underwent LDR-an let alone ask the news of my parents. Asking the news of his own wife as if he was reluctant to say it, 'my mind in heart.

"Hey ... asked, kok, even bengong," his reprimand broke my daydream.

"Owh, yes, Brother, Mom and Abah are healthy, really."

The sound of a cell phone ringing from inside the bag. I grabbed that flat object immediately to see who called. My little heart wishes it were from Mas Agung. Because ever since I left her there has been no chat or phone call from her even if just asking for my whereabouts.

"Call from whom? Great man, huh?" ask Iwan so, you know.

"No. From my friend" I replied short.

"Friends, friends, right from there."

"In fact, from friends, how else."

"Sir Iwan himself here again what is it? Same who?" I was curious because suddenly he was in front of me.

"What is clear here is no longer the soul mate, although until now it is still destined to menggejomblo," he replied half joking.

"Have lunch yet? If not, guys!" enthusiastically bring.

"But, Brother ... ," I hesitated.

"Don't be afraid, it's a crowded place. A lot of people, except just the two of us," he assured.

I started to follow behind him. After all, my stomach has felt wrapped around me ever since. Because only had breakfast in the morning before leaving here with Maria.

Iwan set his foot towards the seafood restaurant. My appetite is increasing when I see a variety of processed seafood displayed in a transparent glass shelf. Remembering the incident some time ago when I asked to buy seafood to Mas Agung but he did not mind making this heart again sore.

Once the stomach is filled we do not immediately move from the seat. Without asking for it I told all this heartbreak to the man in front of me. Iwan just listened to every word that came out of my lips. The mind was deadlocked until without a doubt I made a request that might have been beyond normal limits or could also be called crazy.

"Sister, Dhinil can't stand it anymore if it has to continue like this. If only Kak Iwan still expected Dhinil to be a wife. Insha Allah Dhinil is ready to ask for divorce from Mas Agung and we can get married after giving birth later," I said expectantly without hesitation.

"Istighfar, Dhin .. don't make marriage a game. After all, women who are pregnant can ask for divorce or divorce.

"But, brother, I can be stressed if I have to feel this pressure. If indeed Kak Iwan pity the same Dhinil should be able to accept the state of Dhinil even though his status later became a widow!" I still insist on selfishness.

"It's not that easy to make decisions that will only hurt yourself and others. In the past, Dhinil decided to accept the man's proposal and leave Kak Iwan, where are you going? Then after feeling failed by easily asking Kak Iwan to be able to receive back. It's not just about Kak Iwan's own feelings. But it concerns the feelings of all families, especially Ifa and also Mother. Mom used to get sick when she first heard that Dhinil was married to another man. The man who turned out to be his own son-in-law's candidate."

Just this once witnessed a man speaking with tears in his eyes so as not to fall before me. This heart is getting broken. Guilt and regret instantly enveloped the feeling.

'What kind of woman am I who has zolimi hearts that are not only one person, but it turns out that one family at a time they have been devastated by my attitude and decisions that were only concerned with happiness itself.' I can only curse myself.

"If for example only a matter of lack of material or others Kak Iwan can still try to be able to help. But when it comes to feelings, it seems like it can't. After three months Dhinil married Agung Kak Iwan already betrothed by pak kiyai with one of his nephews. It is now undergoing the introduction stage and is soon heading towards preparations for the wedding" she said without caring about my feelings.

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