I REPLY TO MY HUSBAND'S AFFAIR

Chapter 48. Andini

Early Part

Passing through the entrance gate of the tall building, a security guard stopped me and politely asked me to first fill out the guest book inside the post. I got out of the car after pulling my car over the edge of the gate, in front of the post. In the post, I quickly wrote down my name and agenda.

Accidentally, my eyes were pounded on a woman in her twilight who was sitting on the sidewalk next to the security guard post. His old face frowned to withstand the heat of the sun that began to sting, it seemed like he was a homeless person who hitched a rest there. The tired face of the shabby-clothed woman made me feel pity.

At once my heart was moved to get closer, but did not know how to give him a little money because the woman did not raise her hand to ask. He just sat leaning against the post wall as if he wanted to unwind.

"It's to buy some food, ma'am," I said as I inserted a sheet of money in his hand.

"For me? But I ..."

"Yes. I'm hustling. Excuse me, Mom."

The black-hooded twilight woman, glared at her shady eyes but harbored sorrow. He looked at me gently and looked at the money in his hand in confusion, as if he had not expected to get the red sheet from me.

"I'm a scavenger, Ma'am. But thank you for the money. Moga Mbaknya healthy continue, thanks to his provision, bejo the world afterlife, endowed with the blessing of God." He immediately said again in tears before I stepped in front of him. The prayer from his speech sounded very sincere making my heart tremble and footsteps not be swayed.

My body is shaken for some reason. I nodded, smiled and thanked him for his sincere prayer. I pray a similar kindness to the twilight woman until her smile blooms.

"I'm sorry" I said before it passed.

Suddenly it felt like I wanted to be able to disappear from this world alone, feeling so despicable in front of that old lady. Which may be a row of good prayers from him will be granted by God while my actions are full of reproach and sin until my destiny . Ah yes, maybe God gave me a fate this bad because of the magnitude of my sin.

My steps slowed down, feeling almost unsteady .. I needed a shoulder to lean on, needed an ear to hear the tightness of my heart, but in reality I was alone. Which one is said behind the difficulties there will be ease? The proof I feel behind my difficulties actually appears again other difficulties. Argh, I hate this fate.

Until in front of my car back, my hunting breath held back my inner shock. I was in the car again. I turned the steering wheel from the front of the security guard post, wanted to immediately go to the parking lot of the tall building and meet the person who had made an appointment to meet me this afternoon.

Passing through the courtyard of the building that was quite spacious, I could see and then passing people dressed neatly like me. The difference is, their faces are excited to live the day, unlike me who is slumped in the midst of the complexity of life. Maybe I look fine from the outside, but deep inside me are bad plans. What is it with my soul? I know I'm going the wrong way, but I don't know how to start the right way.

Andini, woi early! Is it not afraid to go to hell if you continue to be despicable? Where are you going to go again? If the ugliness you pile up again, you just walk in place, swimming continuously in the pit of sin. Want to get to when? The more chaotic, complicated, and dizzying you are, Dini! Good rebukes began to flash through my empty mind. I stepped on the car's brakes until the steering wheel stopped in the middle of the building yard. My head bowed, deepened and wept as much as I could behind the palms I had cupped to my face.

The tissue on the dashboard of the car, slowly I think I'm starting to make peace with myself. Very sorry, my body and soul. I forgot to thank this body, this soul that has lived the weight of my dark life for so long.

That twilight woman, her pure prayer as if slapping me, was not worth a prayer as well as it was for someone like me. He was presented in my vision certainly not without purpose. Could it be that God rebuked me who began to stray far from his path? Who knows this is my toughest point but just one step away from being happy. But really?

It's hard to change my mindset, Laraku to Bayu still gaping. Envy of me to Hani who is considered better than me is still burning. Until the good advice from my mother before could not knock my consciousness. It's hard, it's hard to accept my reality.

Shaking my phone, maybe talking to my mom can make me calmer. The woman who gave birth to me, only she can always understand me with genuine affection.

"Ma, how are you. Mama's healthy?" my sap's stuck.

"Healthy, Din. Ye? Healthy too, right? Mama misses, my mother's feelings are always restless every time she remembers you. When's home?"

"It's also kangen. I'd like to ask your mother's prayer, pray for my household sakinah."

"Yes, Din, yes. My mother has prayed for me before. Be sincere with the situation including great worship, be sincere, do not force your destiny, Din. Only you can advise yourself." Mama's voice was hoarse, maybe her heart was tired of me who was hard-hearted every time she heard her advice.

It felt like I wanted to rush into my mother's arms, go home to my city and end this hassle, but I couldn't accept defeat yet and my dream hadn't come true.

The sound of the car horn behind me in a row rang, apparently my position was blocking other vehicles that were about to pass. I pulled over, put my phone down and rubbed my face rough. Overthinking my cries, why am I still in front of this building? Meet Salsabila? Remember my mother's advice, Dini! Only I can advise myself. Get out of here, go ...

The ringing of the incoming message from earlier was heard on my phone lying on the seat beside the steering wheel, shortly after following the ringing of the incoming call. Call and order it from Salsabila. I'm not excited anymore, I let it go. He must have been waiting for me, very much waiting.

If Hani alone can struggle when hurt because of the actions of me and Bayu, I also can certainly endure heartache due to the freezing attitude of Bayu. Don't I want to look better at that brown-eyed woman?

What I need now is to be alone first. Yes, I need to be lonely, reflect flawlessly, and be a winning version of myself. Everyone does well according to his version, why should I be like everyone else's version.

(Not yet, I'm waiting in the first floor lobby of the building.)

Message from Salsabila I read without replying to the message. Hurry up, restart the engine before my mind changes. Turning direction, I went down the courtyard of the building to leave immediately. However, the phone call from Salsabila kept ringing making me unable to drive quietly.