I'm Sure He's My Match

Anxiety Brother, Mama, and Father About My Soul

On semester break, I went home because I happened to have a wedding invitation for Clara, my high school friend. Kaka drove me to the station. I asked Mama Kaka's permission before, if I wanted to go home in the village.

"Assalamu'alaikum mom, Ivi wants to leave. Ivi wants to go back to the village." I went to Mama Kaka.

"Wa'alaikumussalam Vi, Kaka anterin you right?"

"Iya ma Kaka anterin Ivi kok to the station." Kaka.

"Why go to the station? Why not go to Ivi's house?"

"Ivi just want me to go to the station ma." Kaka.

"Why Vi? Mom is worried about you on the road. Kaka anterin you get home huh?"

"Hmmm... Yes, I can do it."

"It's good, let me not worry. Be careful, you guys."

"Yes ma, please first ma assalamu'alaikum." I'm pampering.

"Wa'alaikumussalam."

Arriving at home. Me and Kaka salaman with the people at home. It just so happens that there is my brother from Bandung.

"Eh Ivi's home?" Ask brother.

"Yes Brother. Assalamu'alaikum."

"Wa'alaikumussalam."

"This who's Vi? Ivi's boyfriend?"

"It's not Ivi's friend, it's Gufron."

"Oh friend, kirain your girlfriend's sister. Come on in first de."

"Yes, brother." Gufron.

"Please sit down de Gufron, brother get me a drink."

"Good, Brother."

"I'll go to the room for a minute." I said to Gufron.

I went into my room to store the things I had brought from the boarding house. Before long, my brother came to me.

"Eh Vi.. You're just the same guy?" He asked a question at the beginning of our conversation

"Yes, brother, why is that?"

"Yes tumben you just bring a boy friend to the house. That was the first man you brought home."

"Yes my brother, so what if he's the first guy I brought home?"

"Yes papa, brother likes the same man, it seems suitable for you too. It was also said that the man's mother who was close to you in the boarding house and on campus, he said he always drove you wherever you went, right? Gufron's mom is close to you, too?"

"So, why?"

"Thou shhh, indeed brother, indeed brother continues. Be sensitive."

"What about sister?"

"He's always there for you, right?"

"Yes, brother."

"What feeling?"

"Ya Allaah this kid, so innocent. That guy likes you, right?"

"Who said brother? He's just my friend. I don't have the same heart as him either."

"Yes Allaah Ivi, what if she likes you?"

"Yes just like it, brother, can dong if you like it, everyone has the right to like anyone, don't you think?"

"If she loves you and wants to date you how?"

"Can't be brother. I won't take it either. Because he's just my friend."

"Related you?"

"Sure sister."

"You like men, don't you?" My sister asked while thinking.

"Oh my God, my brother, I am normal. I like men too."

"Yes, why don't you ever tell your sister about one man?"

"That's my story, brother."

"Yes the story because of her sister."

"You've grown up Vi, don't you like or keep one male name in your heart?"

"Yes not yet, brother. Hehej .. Brother kepo deh." I lied to my sister when in my heart there was already someone's name.

"It's not Vi, in the village is the child your age deserves to get married, some of your friends in the village are also married, right? You don't feel like that?"

"Where do you mean brother? I'm used to it, later also if the soul mate comes alone sis."

"Yes Vi, but it will also not come by itself if we have no effort at all. Sister Saranin is with you, if she expresses your same feelings, you should not waste people like her. Brother see a lot of matches from you guys, even though brother is only a little while even a new glimpse today met him, it feels like brother value he is the one who is suitable for you."

"He won't have the same feeling as me brother. We're just friends."

"Who knows in the future he's changed his mind."

"Yes I don't know brother, Ivi went outside first brother, kasian Gufron waiting."

"Yaudah yes..."

"Inget sister's advice ya."

"Hmmm yes-yes.."

My brother was worried about me because I felt I didn't like men. I never told what I felt about men to my sister, mother, or other family. Telling about Gufron was only to mama because I think Gufron my friend is so good and his mother is always there for me, I tell my mama so that mama does not worry about my situation in Cimahi, I worry that I don't have any friends, that's all. So, I can't wait to tell her to mama.

Before my brother met Gufron actually he always betrothed me to his acquaintances. I don't want that to happen. All the men my brother introduced I couldn't accept. Even though they're all good. This heart could not accept it because it still kept his name.

My brother wanted me to get married soon, because the condition of my old mother and father made my brother worry about me. Mom and Dad wanted that to happen sometimes. Because they think with the situation of Mama and Father who is old afraid he can not attend my wedding later. Plus also because the situation in the village makes mama and father behave like that. Seeing that the neighbors' children were already married, they were worried about my soul mate. Actually it's not just my brother, mother and father, my extended family and neighbors who want the marriage in my life to be realized soon. It was as if my marriage was something they had been waiting for. I don't understand any of that.

I'm not ready to get married, I still feel the same way as I used to. Waiting for him he might not want me to wait. Kiki's? Right yeah.

I don't know what I want from Kiki, it feels like she's my soul mate. But, after a few incidents in High School, do I still believe that he is my soul mate? I don't know, my little heart said that. The name Kiki I always slip in every prayer to my Lord. I never felt happiness from him not even being able to get genuine affection from him. He always wanted me to be a friend forever.

My brain was poisoned by her name. I realize but I can't just stop this feeling.