I'm Santri?

Recollecting

My hair is still wet. I just finished taking a shower. It's Mom's turn.

Looking from the window when it was dark the night started to get crowded. The sky is a typical yellow twilight, gradually fade and disappear. Suddenly, my mind went four months ago. When I was not self-conscious doing something I shouldn't have done. Just for sad and lonely reasons, I must put my Faith to sleep.

I put my faith to sleep when the sun was giving its greetings to the earth, may I sleep, leaving the voice of the dzuhr adhan to meet dreams. I woke up when the air was cool, the twilight rays glistened thinly in yellow gold, I did not hear the sound of the ashar adhan. Maybe the ashar time is gone. It felt so boring, I sat down for a while, turning on my red gadget. There was a lot of news I received. I open one by one. I smiled, I was happy and I was hurt. The voice of adzan maghrib. In my heart, I asked my brain to be happy for a few minutes. Time stopped, but I was still walking. Until the adzan isya reverberated, I replied ah maghribku I have not visited. I regret.

As time went on, I continued with my nightlife, with my liquor, with music and jogetan women entertainers. I drink again, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm sleepy, I'm asleep, I don't feel upset. Wake up in the morning heat. I shouted, what time is this. I forgot, I intentionally. I remember, I forgot my dawn was gone.

Continually, I forgot my faith. The commandment of God is lost in my days. There is only self-dirt with actions that are not clear at all benefits to the self.

From that incident all, there is something I must say at this time, maybe, my thanks to God. The reason why I have to say that sentence is so much. One of them, when I saw many of the young men around me one by one began to fall into the valley of modern life as I once did.

I thank God for this rebuke. I never thought God would rebuke my heart in a way that I did not like. God made my life full of loneliness and sadness. In the end, I was stuck, and that's when God greeted me. Once again, I thank You, O Owner of my body, You have patted my heart until I came to my senses.

However, I do not deny the humanity of young men of my age that perhaps, God has not greeted them. I know that their modernity is not a yardstick for judging that they are bad people, bad people, heretics, infidels, bad people, and other words that have a dropping meaning.

I know that stopping me from living like them does not mean that I have become a super perfect human being, good, devoutly religious, sholihah, and other words that have an exalting meaning.

From this incident, I realized, they were human and I was human. God could have given them a reprimand in the next minute until they finally realized. God can mislead me in the next hour. It would be foolish if I dared to claim them with as good a tongue to speak. I know nothing about myself, when I am good and when I am bad.

I remembered Sasha's remark, that life will not be separated from three times. The past, the present, and the time to come.

The past, it cannot be repeated, it can only be used as a mirror and a yardstick of life. Taking the essentials where events, actions, mistakes, kindness, and experiences can only be used as material for self-improvement and a benchmark for the next life.

As for the present is the time to implement the results of self-improvement based on benchmarks that have been done in the past. In a sense, the present time is the only thing that needs to be emphasized or prioritized with improvement. Where the present can also be said to be the basic key of the past and the future.

While the future is the end result, whether good, or vice versa is not clear. The previous two times, the past and the present, determine the future. It is undeniable that these two times are the most important things of life. The good news is that the end result is determined by the past and the present.

Therefore, I have to know consciously what Sasha told me, and I have to consciously know what I am going to do.

It's so sad my life. Just hold hands with a friend whose existence is not with me.

The glow of the twilight had changed black. I'm still staring.

"rek! Brug!" I heard the bathroom door. Maybe Mom cleaned her body.

"Aleya is praying?" Ask Mom to me.

"Well, why, when the maghrib's time runs out?"

"Yes Ma'am, Aleya was thinking about Aleya's life. Why did Aleya have to choose the wrong path to cover up Aleya's harsh reality?"

"Darling, I admit, it was Mom's fault. If Mom hadn't been so focused on your grandfather's company, it might not have been like this. I'm just afraid your grandfather's company was taken by Saeful, so I have to take care of it."

"Is that important, Mom? Don't you think this one's kid needs Mom more?"

"Darling, this is also for you. I want to keep your grandfather's company for your future."

"But, it was precisely Mother that ruined Aleya's future." My tears couldn't stand coming out to hear Mom's answer.

Mother approached me, then her embrace enveloped my body.

"Sorry Mom, from now on, I will always be there for you. I promise."

Her crying followed my crying. Just because of the scenario God created, I feel like this should all be unnecessary.

"Anyways, from now on, Aleya should get even better. I'm so happy, Aleya is ready to go. Though, it's the ideals of Mother and Father Hababi, but you only realize now."

"Aleya was very grateful Mom, God is still good with Aleya, God is still greeting Aleya, God is still rebuking Aleya."

"Jaudah, now, we pray Maghrib first yes. We confide in God, we share God's love for what God has given us now."

"Yes Mom, Aleya misses him."

After my mother and I prayed, my mother had to go home. Although my race still wants to always be accompanied, but this is the path that I must take. After that, I will meet my new friend here. I can't wait to meet them. Will they be God's answer to complete my solitude? I didn't know before I went through it.

Mom is ready to go home. Even though I know, the look on Mom's face still has no heart to release her child. But, I think you used to be used to my absence.

"Darling, Mom's home. Remember the purpose of Aleya came here for what, do not be lazy, must obey the teacher, otherwise the obstacle to prayer should not be left behind. Anyway, I believe, Aleya could be a better person like what Mother and Father Hababi wanted."

A kiss from Mom, indicating my story here has already begun. Hopefully, what I hope will be something beautiful for me later.