I'm Santri?

Niat

God has knocked my heart. That's enough for me to think. Event after event is impossible all is meaningless. God may have his own scenario.

Grandfather left, and make the atmosphere of the house to be quiet, Sasha who suddenly left for the land of people, Ferry died of brawl, Farhan whose character changed to make my world black, he said, Saeful my stepfather who died from falling down the stairs, and I who was broken and wanted to try to repair.

All of that may have been arranged neatly by God for me. But what is special about me in His eyes, am I not just an ordinary man who does not know himself?

God really confused me. How weak is this brain to think of His paradoxical will. Or perhaps, the events that run through my life are a rebuke to this self?

If so, Sasha said, looking at the past is the only way to remind us that we are not holy human beings. We need a lot of self-improvement. Especially covering the holes of sin that we have done, and it is difficult if we still do it. Although you have to use powerful sentences to seduce God even once.

Lord, I have given up on Your will which is too unreasonable according to men like me. I would love to know you more deeply. But, where?

I kept myself locked up in my room for a long time. Dialogue with my thoughts about God. Finally, I was amazed to feel what if I learned more about Him. Isn't that a good idea?

I also want to be like Sasha. A strong woman of her standing, her knowledge is broad, and her hands are still holy. Unlike me, dirty, by the grip of men I shouldn't have done.

Oiya, I remember, Mom said that she had studied at the boarding school. I know the pesantren cottage was built to deepen God's law. What if I follow in Mom's footsteps? But, looking around, my mother was mediocre in religion. He was not too close to God. He was not even able to guide me to get to know Him. Just a few things that sometimes Mother often gets angry if I don't do it.

Saeful my stepfather was upside down. He always scolded Bi Ina if I did not perform the Fajr prayer. In reality he was the one who fell into the black valley. And foolishly, without Saeful teaching me, I had followed in his footsteps.

Strange, actually where I have to learn to know the law of God, if what I see every day just turned around.

My stepfather may have been in the ranks of the depraved in general. Even if he doesn't deserve to be said to be a good person. But when not many people know, his soul becomes good, even he often reminds me to do good. And Mother, a clearly kind-hearted person. But what he did not see from others was very inappropriate for a good person to say. He couldn't guide me, all he could do was tell stories and buy me a doll.

I was confused, what does God really want? Which is better than both? For I cannot justify good to something I do not yet know. I give up God, You are too sophisticated to rebuke the pride of my brain.

Finally, my intention was to get to know God even more deeply. I'm gonna ask Mom to let me stay in the boarding house right away. I hope with that, I will always be with Him.

After a long time I lay in my room. Dialogue with my own thoughts. I finally decided, I'll know God.

"Tuuuut!" The phone sounds.

"Assalamu'alaikum Ma'am?"

"Vaalaikumussalam. What's up, honey?"

"Mother, Aleya wants to live in a boarding house like Mom?"

"Huh!? You serious? Didn't you ever offer? But Aleya doesn't want to."

"Aleya forgot Mom. Anyway now Aleya wants to be in the boarding house. After all, Aleya had already been expelled from school. Instead of at home there are no activities. Can you please, Mom?"

"It's precisely Mother wants Aleya to go into bed. Aleya knew for herself that the company out there was no longer natural. Even Aleya herself had already sensed it. Well, actually I don't want Aleya why-why. That's why I once told Aleya to go for a mole. At that time, you would like to ask Saeful for a state school. Even Aleya was affected."

"Aleya forgot Mom, right that time Aleya had fallen down the school stairs, so Aleya did not want to. Anyway Aleya now wants to be in the boarding house."

"Jude, then, I'll list Aleya to Subulussalam's cabin. The cottage was Mother, your father, and Sasha's father studied. But I want to know, why does Aleya suddenly want to go for a ride?"

"It's a long story, ma'am, which Aleya would have liked to know God more deeply."

"Well, thank God, if that's the case, tomorrow Mom comes home, we continue to register directly."

"Yes Ma'am, Aleya wait a minute. Assalamu'alaikum."

"Vaalaikumussalam. Don't forget to eat."

Until here, what I think about Mom and Saeful is still wrong. From that I am sure, God is great, making me know nothing about life. Lord, wait for me, I will know You.