
Reza did not loosen his grip in the slightest. We paused for a moment in the corner, he cupped my face and wiped my tears.
"Don't show these tears in front of people" he said. "Let the world know that you are the happiest and luckiest woman in the world."
Sebal, I glared. "Lucky what? Hm? You've made me cry so many times, that's what you said was lucky?"
"Please..hold your emotions, huh? We'll find a comfortable place to talk" he said as quietly as possible.
A moment later he wiped my tears completely and pulled me back to the parking lot.
"Tante..," cried Khiara. He ran towards me. "Aunty's crying, huh?"
Oh my God, I practically wiped my eyes. "crying? How does Khiara know?" I sat down in front of the little girl. I can't say no, I don't want to lie to children, let alone set an example for them.
"Aunty's eyes melah," he said.
"Yes aunty admitted, Auntie was crying."
"What is Auntie? Oom Leza, huh? Oom Leza diabolin Aunty?"
Hmm. This little girl, I'm speechless. Reza even grinned fun, as if watching a sitcom of his favorite.
"No," I said, shaking.
"I asked for a bike to Auntie, didn't I?"
"Not because of Khiara. Anyway about the bike later Auntie persuaded Oom Reza. But Auntie has to go home first. Okay?"
Back in joy, Khiara smiled. "OK, Aunt. Oom Leza don't even have a aunt again, huh? Oom Leza don't be naughty. Promise?"
"Yes, Oom promised," Reza said.
I also watched the two of them link pinkies to each other. A moment later Reza told him to come in and Khiara immediately complied.
"Am I missed something?" His eyebrows shot up along with a wave of folds appearing on his forehead.
I'm nodding. "Kids want to have bikes" I said. "especially Khiara. You...."
"OK," he said quickly without asking or waiting for me to finish my words. I know, he already understands what I mean. "Let's buy them a bike, yeah. But now that you're coming with me, we're looking for a place to talk."
We got into the car too. Reza was ready behind the wheel and started to start his car.
"There's no need to go far and there's no need for a good place. Even we can chat in the car, the most important thing is the quality of the chat - the solution of our problems," I said with a sharp look in both eyes.
Reza nodded his head. "Sometimes you're creepy" he said.
"O yeah? Which is worse than your past that always haunts me?"
Fortunately, he just smiled and didn't say anything. Otherwise, I would have been even more annoyed.
Reza parked the car in front of a minimarket. He offered me to come to the minimarket, but I refused. "Okay, you wait here, don't go anywhere. And, yes, your phone is still on me, stay here if you still want it."
"I don't like being threatened" I said. I didn't say yes or okay, but I didn't want to argue either.
Reza went down alone and went into the minimarket. When he came out, he was carrying only two large cups of chocolate-flavored ice cream. He gave one to me.
"Mas, about bicycles for children, maybe you can sell jewelry that you bought yesterday for Mom. I'd be happy if you made the kids happy at the parlor. But it's up to you, it's just my opinion." I said as carefully as possible.
Reza. "We don't have to sell the jewelry" he said. "For sure, I promise I'll buy them a bike."
"Oh, okay." I nodded, then turned my gaze to the ice cream in my hand.
A moment later, Reza smeared my face with her ice cream, the ice cream hitting the tip of my lips. I know what it means to do that, I know what he wants to do, he wants to make out with me like that day.
"I miss you so much" he said.
But I kept quiet, didn't comment at all, I let Reza do what she wanted, I let her clean the ice cream with her mouth, until she kissed and kissed my lips gently. Maybe she hoped that I would react the same way I did back then, giving her a kiss - giving her the same pleasure. Don't dream.
"Don't act like you don't feel the same way. I know you're a miss, too" he said softly in my ear, with his forehead resting on the side of my head and his hands clinging to my neck.
I miss too. My naked heart wanted to scream, but my ego held me back. I didn't move my head, not one bit. "We broke up" I said.
Reza took me off, he sat back in the driver's seat and threw his face away. "That's what you think."
"Well, then you finish it all. Be firm with Salsya, and then we get married. It's up to him to kill himself. Easy, right?"
Reza took a deep breath, then looked at me. "Honey, it's not as simple as you think, '" he said. "I don't want anyone to die because of me."
"It wasn't you who killed him."
"Stay, I'm the reason."
"Then we break up."
"Darling...."
"I'm backing away."
"But I don't want to."
"Please, don't sacrifice our relationship."
"You're the one who sacrificed our relationship, not me."
"I don't want to break up. Never will" he said, his voice weakening.
Reza grabbed my hand and then looked down - begging with a kiss on my hand. If we weren't in the car, maybe he'd be prostrating at my feet. I would love to touch and caress her, I want to say she doesn't need to be like that - there's no need to beg until it's like that, like worshiping me.
"Is there a solution?" my question, by lowering my ego a little.
Reza raised his face. His eyes are red and teary. "Would you like to hear me?"
"You hear me, not necessarily I'll agree."
He took a deep breath again, then smiled faintly, but I could still see him. "I've spoken to Salsya, and I've negotiated two things. First, I managed to make her sure that I would actually marry her after she gave birth. Second, I told her, if I'm going to keep marrying you, you'll still be first for me."
I looked at him, shaking my head with disgust. "I don't want to be combined and don't want you to be together."
"No, not" he said. "Because of that, I took her to the baby room. I hope her maternal instinct is called, so she can love her baby. I hope that way he'll think long, and won't think of killing himself again."
God, I'm not a bad person to think. But I have my own point of view towards Salsya, the point of view of my fellow lunatics. "What if he's still threatening suicide?"
"We try to remind him of his son." That was the answer Reza gave. Really naive.
I looked back at her with disgust, how naive she was back then. "You're worried about him, but I'm worried about you. This cool attitude of yours allows people to easily take advantage of you."
I shut up for a moment, quieting my emotions. I saw that the ice cream that had not been eaten had melted.
"What would you do if Salsya had brought a ruler, while one hand held a sharp knife ready to stab her in the stomach?"
Reza looked at me without a sound, her eyes soft. I knew the question made him go awry, he was at a loss as to what to answer. He is unlikely to answer A, while answer B will obviously add to the wound in my heart.
"I know you won't be able to answer. You're a coward" I said.
"Maybe Salsya won't think that far" he replied. The answer seems to be to deceive himself.
"Crazy people can act out of bounds" I said. "I know, you'll shake the ruler's hand and say kabul ijab, won't you?"
"OKAY. Although I did, but the marriage was not legal. Marriage under threat is not legal. You know that."
Oh, my God, I'm out of patience. "Crazy people won't care if it's legitimate or not. The most important thing for him is that he can have you. You understand? He'll ask you to sleep with him. You can even fuck with him if you're always this coward. He can threaten you by putting a bomb on his body. He will say that he will press the remote button if you are not willing to give him an inner living. And, and you will obey. Ye know? Just imagining it makes me depressed. What if I had to watch - you and him go into the room, close the door, and then."
Wrestling great, that's what I want to say. While I would just freeze outside the room, listen to his every sigh, hear his groan when they*****, and in the end their sighs clashed, unpretentious, each other, and on Salsya's face would be a happy smile - how great Reza was to satisfy her in bed. That's what I imagined about my mother's past, when my father was "happy" with his favorite brothels*-racursors*, while my mother was in a state of confusion over her home and her two toddlers.
"You understand, don't you, I mean? It doesn't lie with what weapon he threatens you or how he threatens you."
Reza nodded. "I have to how? Let her die?"
"Send him to a mental institution, he'll be considered insane for his suicidal tendencies. If the doctor says he's sane, in other words he's just threatening you, just send him to jail."
Reza shook her head at my answer. Obviously he disagrees with me. "What about his son if he's locked up?"
Fix it! I'm furious. "OK, fine! Be her husband and be a father to her child. We broke up!"
I snatched my phone out of Reza's pocket at the speed of a demon. When I managed to open the door, Reza pulled my arm.
"Deliver! I'm going!" I said fiercely.
He asked me where I was going, but I pretended not to hear him. "Please don't go, honey. Justjust please. I need you by my side." He begged like a cute boy who was whining, as if I was his mother who was about to run away and leave him alone.
"What do you care?" I said. "You don't care, do you, how do I feel? You only care about Salsya. You hurt me many times. Goddamn it!"
Oh, I jerked her hand and made her hurt. But really, I didn't mean to hurt her at all, let alone aggravate her injuries. For God's sake, I didn't intentionally.
With an ego I ignored Reza who grimaced in pain. I just kept running to leave him. On the other hand I was also angry that he did not follow me. I want her to run after me, grab my sleeve, then embrace and grab me. I want him to apologize and promise not to care about Salsya anymore. I'll let Reza pull me and she won't let me go. I wanted...
Stopit! Please stop hoping, Nara. Reza has hurt you too often.
Nurturing this feeling is like waiting for a bomb to explode, in slow motion. It was just a matter of time before the fragments of the bomb began to tear myself into small pieces.
I keep running and I think I'm far enough. As I stopped to catch my breath, my phone rang - a phone call from Reza.
I chose reject option. Don't expect me to answer the phone.
A few seconds later, a whatsapp message came to my phone - a voice note from Reza. "Help me" he said in a voice as if in pain. Although I couldn't see his expression, I knew he was in pain.
What the hell happened to him? Don't-don't.. or is he just pranking me? But what if...what if something happens to her?
I decided to call back, but there was no answer. I'm worried, I'm worried. I have to see and see for myself how things are going. I let go of my wedges so I could run faster.
When I got there - where I left it - Reza was not there, not even in the car. I tried to call his phone, and - I vaguely heard the ringtone of the phone - not far from where I was standing.
"Mas..," I cried hysterically to see him lying covered in blood in an empty building, not far from the minimarket location. There was a puncture wound on his waist. At the same time an ambulance came. Reza called the ambulance before he called and sent me a voice note.
He's hurt bad.