Hot Couple: Inara's Love Story

My Sunshine

Reza took me to the musala for the magrib prayer. Of course I can't refuse because of shame. Honestly I admit, because of shame - I'm ashamed if I refuse. I suddenly keep the image in front of the man who has become my best friend.

After we finished the prayer, I sat down next to him as he tied the shoelaces, about a meter and a half away from him. I watched him, my head resting on one hand I clenched.

A warm smile immediately rose to adorn his handsome face. "Why? I know I'm as handsome as Reza Rahadian. You said it, "he said with confidence.

"Not."

"Certainly? Why?"

"I just didn't think you were being diligent in prayer" I said.

She blushed. "Salat is mandatory. I'm not a religious ass, yeah. I am just doing my duty as a Muslim. The rest is like this, I'm just an ordinary guy trying to recognize you. Need you to underline, I'm just a regular guy."

Looking at him at that moment I felt like I was looking at the priest figure I had missed for a dozen years. I have never been prayed, except for the Eid prayers and Eid prayers in the mosque on Eid, or by my sister - that was and only a few times when I came home. Reza was like the sunlight that started to illuminate my life which always felt cloudy.

I was pensive after hearing his descendant regained consciousness when he called and invited me to continue enjoying the rides of the game in Surabaya Carnival Park, though my intention was just to look around the beauty presented in the recreation place. At that time he took me on a rooftop, only to find out if I was afraid of heights or not. Obviously I'd be brave if it was just the ringing and the height. But, up there, Reza took my hand and asked me to tell her what was going on in my mind.

"Do you know the term Product Broken Home?" my many. "That's what people call kids like me. A term consisting of only three words. Yep, three words, but the effect was so painful, slicing, slashing my heart and my feelings. Sounds lebay, yeah. Overharvesting. But that's the truth, sick. Maybe it doesn't affect you, but for me it's outrageous. They didn't realize that those three words were scratching my heart and my feelings."

Remembering the past makes me feel sad. It hurts so much. Scratches on the body can be easily healed, especially with sophistication in the modern era like today. But what about the scratches on the heart and the feelings? What technology can cure my wounds? What medicine can cure my pain? Which medical expert or scientist can solve the problem in my soul? There aren't.

"If my father loved me and loved me, if he were present in my growth, maybe I would love him, even I would love him. But the reality is bitter. So, no one can blame me for this hate. But I'm happy enough, really. Because what? Because in this real world I still have a mother who loves me. And I have Reza Rahadian, though only in my imaginary world." I smiled bitterly.

Reza looked at me -- very deeply. I knew it meant he was going to advise me. "Inara, whatever you're going through, whatever you're feeling, don't let it eat away at you."

I know he said the right thing, but it's too late. And I guess, even if the advice was given to Inara twelve years ago, it wouldn't have meant anything, to no avail. I also felt tired. "The problem is that it's been gnawing at me, Za. It felt as if -- I had lost something all my life, but I didn't know about the loss. I mean, I've known a long time ago that I lost a father figure, but what that loss really looks like, I don't know. Because the stronger taste is hate." I'm silent for a moment. "A father is part of our history. Part of ourselves. It is through our fathers that we find our place in this world, from what was before us, and ultimately, what we leave behind after death. Without it, how do we know? We're empty" I said. "I'm empty."

"The emptiness is what you have to fill. Fill it with love, love for God, love for yourself, and love for those around you, including love for the person who will be your true love."

He's correct. That emptiness, that emptiness that is always present in the soul, where God should be. But my faith is not strong enough to always remember God. "I know, but it's not as easy as the way you say it, Za."

Reza strengthened his hand. "There I am, I will help you fill that void."

I'm just smiling. That was the only response I gave him, because at that time I still did not want me to put my hope in him.

"You don't remember exactly your childhood. How do you know about your father?" tanyanya.

I was silent for a moment, breathing hard, because what I'm telling you is a bitter story.

"Not only that, before - when Mother was hospitalized after a cesarean section during the birth of my sister, my father always left, the night she just returned to the hospital. At that time there was only my aunt who took care of Mother. My dad says he works. But, after the separation, Mommy only found out that my father was busy with his affair, they were busy taking care of their sick family in another hospital. Not to take care of his wife or take care of his newborn baby. Superficial, right? Therefore, Mother feels stupid because they succeed. From that moment on, Mother never again thought about her household with my father. Mother accepts defeat, Mother accepts her fate which must be a widow because her husband is captured by another widow. Mother status was finally a widow of two children. Always viewed cynically by neighbors, embarrassed in front of all families, and so gossip material. But, Mother can what? Just can stop he said. And it wasn't my father's first affair. Before, I had not even been a year old. Even the woman confessed that she was my father's wife. I can't imagine what it's like to be a mother. And I was astonished, when the women were also widows. They should have compassion for their fellow women. Wonderful, yes, already know it's not good to be a widow, why even make others feel the same? How can you like someone's husband? That is what makes the image of the widow so ugly in the eyes of the community. Not all widows are like that. For example, Mother, she is not like that. Your mother didn't, did she? If I were a widow, I wouldn't be like that either."

"Hush!" grunting, he suddenly interrupted my speech. "Don't talk like that! Amit-amit is a baby, ." he said, knocking three times on the chair we were sitting in.

I laugh. "What's a three-tap? Hm? Some kind of antidote? Is potent?"

"Eitherway. Might as well. Probably not either. Habits," he. "But you don't talk like that, words are prayer."

I'm nodding. "Yes, I'm sorry, I mispronounced. Sorry, huh?" I said. "But what makes me wonder, why did my father play widow once? Is that the figure of a widow in the eyes of a man?" I stared hard at him. "Don't you.. Are you like that too? Hmm?"

"Baseng bae you!" he said, speaking in Palembang fluently while ruffling my hair.

Huh! Funnier. I also chuckled. "Cieee."

Reza smiled sweetly, I mean her smile was always sweet, but this time a smile that was sweeter than usual. Swear, that's so sweet. Making local earthquakes all over my body.

"Next, please?"

I nodded my head again. "Since childhood I lost the man who should have been the guide in my life, who should have clasped my hand every time I fell, but he was the main cause of the chaos in my life. Ever since I found out the truth, I've been having a hard time believing in men, which is what makes me never date. I have a hard time believing in men."

I turned to Reza, hinting that that was the answer to her question last night, and she understood that. I suppose.

"Boro-boro, never been in love. But even though I've never been in love, even though I find it hard to trust a man, and even though I have fear and trauma for my father's actions, it's hard to believe, I still hope that one day my imaginary Reza figure will be found in my real world, clutching my hand tightly in joy and sorrow, promising me loyalty, he said, and being able to erode the fear is also my trauma of bitter memories in the past. Deep in my heart, I wish I had recovered from my trauma. I want a normal life, to be able to love the opposite sex, to be able to bond in a holy marriage, to be a bride and a wife for a good man, who can keep his loyalty only to me. I want to get married on the beach, make love like a rabbit, give birth to cute kids, be a full-fledged woman. I want to have a full family, a husband and children. I'm sure there will be someone who removes the black cloud from my life, there will be someone who brings a beautiful rainbow that colors the darkness."

I closed my eyes and cupped my palms together, hoping that all my hopes would come true.

"Aamiin..," exclaimed Reza, who suddenly agreed with my expectations.

I immediately wiped my tears. "I don't want to tell you anymore. The last time I cried was when I was twelve. Now I have to do this again, and that's because of you." I said as I touched and slightly pressed the index finger against his shoulder.

Reza touched my shoulder, twisted me until we faced each other. "You don't feel sad anymore. Now you have me too. Me, Reza Dinata, I'm in your real world." He hugged me, leaned me into his arms. I started to find comfort there.

Hmm... Why is this?