Hot Couple: Inara's Love Story

Distrusting

The day after I messed up the proposal because I saw my father, Reza's mother, Ratna Dinata, drop by all of a sudden. They did not return to Bogor, but stayed at a mes restaurant in North Jakarta.

"Son, you're coming with me. We'll have lunch together" he said. "Only the two of us. Reza wasn't invited."

He took me to a restaurant that provides typical Palembang cuisine, not far from the house of Ihsan. On his desks were bottles filled with ships. I used to see him in Palembang. While drinking jasmine-flavored tea, and eating white rice with a side dish of catfish pepes mixed with tempoyak, a processed durian fruit that is fermented, Reza's mother said she was worried about my condition. He asked me if I wanted to talk about my father. He said he could see that I hated my father so much - actually anyone with an above average I.Q could see it too. So I told him about my "happy" childhood in Palembang. I talked a lot more than I told Reza. He tried to persuade me not to hold a grudge against my father. He said it was a waste of energy.

"Your father had a reason for what he did, and your mother also had a reason for his decision. And even if you disagree with those reasons, that doesn't mean they're bad people who don't love you."

I asked her how she felt about her dead ex-husband. "Did Mom forgive her before she died?"

"His mother was angry and hated him. But, after the divorce and Mom left there, I felt Mom was free. I don't know if you've forgiven her at that time, but you can make peace with reality. I met him after the divorce, and everything was normal, I didn't have any hatred at the time. But what I really realized, Mom forgave her after she died. I feel I have no right to judge him after his departure."

I'm nodding. "Mas Reza also said the same thing as Mother said. He can get out of the shackles of his past," I said.

Like that too Ihsan, he just did not consider our father as his father, because he grew up without a father figure, so he assumed he was born without a father, or he had been orphaned since in the womb. There may still be pain, but it doesn't take the form of hate and resentment like me.

"Well, I'm proud to see Reza right now. I don't know if she would be what she is today if her real father had been a part of her life, and I don't want Reza to change. Everything that happens has a reason. Mom believed that. I obviously don't think it's a coincidence Reza met you. You can complement each other. I don't know what makes him love you so much. But, I can see clearly that she really wants to make you happy. Ever since you were, Reza's been finding purpose in her life." He said while laying one hand on my hand.

"Mom understands the wounds in your heart, about all your anger and hatred. But you must be able to learn to hold back, because the meetings will happen at any time, and you may not always be able to avoid. Emm.. For example, later when you and Reza get married, your father comes. Well, are you gonna run again? Running like before? Running from your father which means running from a place where you will organize your new life? Can you imagine what would happen if you couldn't control yourself? Do you understand what Mom meant?"

I nodded my head again. "Nara understands," I said. "Emmm... Mother.... still want to accept me?" I asked hesitantly, because I had to make sure firsthand how my future mother-in-law responded.

"Your relationship with your father is no excuse that Mother is not authorized to give judgment. For Mom, as long as Reza is happy with you as her woman of choice, I will accept you, as you are. The important thing is, you've always loved and accompanied Reza, forever."

Reza and her mother are the ones who let go of the past. If only I could be like that. It's easy to say that we just need to forgive a little, but I've had a hard time accepting the concept of forgiveness. First of all, people need faith in order to forgive, and I feel like I have very little faith. Second, why apologize to the person who hurt you so deeply? I mean, theoretically it's good. If someone comes in fifteen minutes late for dinner, or borrows your car and turns back the time there are dents, okay, that can still be forgiven.

But, of course, there is a limit, how long will we let someone who is already very hungry, before that person bites off our legs? Even if I decide to forgive my father, and we become good friends, can it wipe out the years when he had fun with worthless women instead of staying at home, play and joke with me? Help me do PR or other domestic activities? I concluded I needed to have amnesia first if I wanted to be close to my father after he wasted my childhood and adolescence.

"Before Mas Reza, I wanted to be like one of those television movie characters, whose head was hit by a boulder, hard enough to knock me unconscious for months, or maybe years, until I get back, I won't remember anything. Then, when I woke up, the nurses would tell me how my father kept me by the side day and night, read me a love story in a fairy tale while holding my hand, and trying to hold back the tears. After I was allowed to leave the hospital, we would all head to the breezy beach, to sit back and laze around in flip-flops. We would bake seafood, all kinds of meat, corn, sausages, embrace each other, and chatter about how lucky we are to have such a warm and loving family."

It was strange to talk so blatantly to Reza's mother. I hope he doesn't judge me just for the attention and pretentious to be the most oppressed person.

"Don't regret everything that's gone by. Think that you can make up for everything in the future, the future with Reza. And you will never regret accepting Reza to be your life companion" he said, touching his palm on my cheek. "Believe, Reza loves you as much as she loves Mom."