Heart Diary

7

I wait for Abang Syah at the end of the house.

The morning was still foggy, as usual Abang Syah had arrived at my yard but for some reason today, I was not in the mood directly to work.

"Eh, why with Zura ni? Brother pay attention to two days, Zura is always aje pensive. What did Zura think? If Zura does not mind, the story on brother.au know brother can help," admonished Abang Syah as soon as the car engine was turned on.

Uh! Brother Shah, even if the story, you certainly can not help.

I'm still petrified. No answer I gave. No way I'm telling him. He's not my brother, he's not my father, he's not a brother, he's not a cousin, he's not my brother. Brother Shah is just my foster brother. A brother with no blood. The brother who does not live. The brother who never dived into the meaning of this turbulent heart.

"Zura!"

Uh! Care.

"Zura's! Zura, can you hear me calling Zura ni?" Repeat Abang Syah with a slightly high tone.

I was shocked to hear it. Why this brother Shah? What wind came to possess him so that he could raise his voice against me? The wonder! Before this, Abang Syah had never been like this. As long as I recognize Abang Syah, he is patient. Never once did anything with me. I was so much scolded by whatever mistake I made, but why today?

I'm still petrified. Hurt it! Care what I am. Since I was still also silent, the car brakes were immediately pressed. The train was stopped on the shoulder of the road.

Uh! My heart started to pound and my feelings were not good.

"Why stop here?" I began to make a sound considering Abang Syah who was suddenly silent.

The face of Abang Syah. Afraid also I saw Abang Syah having such a situation.

"Zura, say to brother. Did you make a mistake on Zura?" About Abang Syah. His face still looked angry but his tone was deliberately slowed down. Maybe afraid of being heard or worried about people looking suspiciously.

"No, bang," I replied succinctly. There is no way I can break this secret of my heart. Where could I have told him. I still have water.

"If not, why..."

"Really, bang. Brother didn't make a mistake on Zura." Have not had time to spend the words, I first connect.

Brother Syah fell silent to my explanation. The journey back continues. Each is silent, not as always.

I arrived at work at exactly 8:00 a.m. It's too early. Usually times as early as this I and Abang Syah stopped at a stall by the road to have breakfast in the morning but not today. Let it! Brother Shah wants to make change possible. Or the new year.

I'm alone waiting for a colleague, Normah.

Brother Syah did not appear to come out of his office for breakfast. We both ran hungry.

"Hi, Zura! Early to this day," Normah scolded suddenly

"New zam" I replied succinctly.

Normah chuckled at my answer.

"Goodoo. New Azam hopefully improved quality." Continue Normah in clothes.

I'm just smiling.

So fast the clock is spinning. When I walk the watch in my hand, the clock is already at 9:00 a.m. Customers have arrived. I continued my work as usual.

The time for eating has come. I'm still waiting for Abang Syah. I am not very hungry even though from morning I have not touched any more food but just want to see the reaction of Abang Syah. Is he still angry with me or has the fire of his anger subsided?

I waited a long time.

"Zura!" Rebuke one voice.

I immediately looked. A smile was engraved on the lips of the owner of the voice. I bargained back. I don't know why! Another one to look forward to, another to arrive.

"Would you eat?" About Dila.

"Not yet" I answered a word.

"Why? Wait for Brother Syah?" About Dila with a smile. It was as if it was burning my anger. Is that question or is it just an allusion?

"Where are you from?" About me without answering his question.

"I just met Abang Syah. He had my phone this morning. He said there was something to talk about. I'll come here, " replied Dila bluntly.

I was shocked to hear Dila's explanation. I've kinda! How should I teach this feeling? I have ordered the heart to eliminate this fret but the heart is not deceived. My soul of flesh.

"Why are you Zura?" reprimand Dila after seeing me lost cheerfully all of a sudden.

"There's nothing, Dila," I told a lie.

"If there is nothing, let us go out to eat. Brother Shah order tell you, he didn't come out to eat today. He told me to make a friend of you, "tell Dila without understanding how you feel about this choppy sedanb.

"That's okay, Dila. I have no mood to eat. There's still a lot of work to do." Again I tried to lie. Oh Dila, you're also not the Dila I knew ten years ago. Dila whom I knew first quickly understood the meaning of my heart. Quickly cook under my pretext. You're changing fast, Dila. Is it the cross-sea wind that has changed your understanding of me, your friend who used to be so content with your heart and your feelings? I'm now missing the old Dila. Dila who is so understanding and so dear to me.

"Okay, Zura. If you don't have the mood to eat, I'll go home first. Give my regards to Abang Syah."

So interested in Dila towards Abang Syah.

I watched Dila's steps before she passed. Physically, Dila has not changed much but in terms of attitude, Dila has changed considerably.

Numbness back in the dictionary of my life. It has been almost a week that I and Brother Syah have not been steadfast.

Abang Syah was silent.

Even though we did not say hello but Abang Syah still willing to take and take me home every day as usual. This situation I'm not sure whether it can be insulted or not by Dila or someone else. What's for sure, I don't occasionally tell anyone. Let me just keep this wound. Let me be the one to bear this burden. Let me be the only one who feels. Let the pain surround, let the pain squeeze.

Let it!

Tonight I can't even melt my eyes. Various questions play on the mind. I tried to analyze myself. Inspiration for what has happened. I searched for myself for a long time. I failed to find certainty. Failing to understand understanding.

Mother.Pity your son! Oh, Lord, give me strength to face your trials. Find me with true tranquility. Save my heart for my thorny and blazing life.

Kinggg!!

Who calls in the middle of the night this blind. No one answered.

Kinggg!!

Without delay I immediately clung to the wheelchair located not far from my bed but I have not been able to move, heard the aunt already answered. I put an ear.

"What's? When? Alright." I heard the voice of my mother making an anxious voice. My heart started to feel bad. Thumping and erratic.

"Atie!! Zura!!" Instantly I heard the voice of my aunt wailing the name of Atie and I. There were also footsteps of my aunt who was heading towards my room.

"What's up, auntie?" About me as soon as my aunt arrived at the doorstep of my room.

"Your father, Zura," said the aunt as she gasped.

I haven't been able to ask further, my tears first. I've suspected something catastrophic has happened.

"Dad you didn't exist." Connect mak cik strengthened his essay.

I do too. Even though between me and my father has never been friendly since the death of my mother first but my heart is too keen to hear that explanation. Daddy's!

After my mother left, I lost again. Father's body has been safely interred. I'm still there. The cemetery is still red.

"Already, Zura. I understand how you feel" Dila said.

Uh! It's easy to understand. The truth is you don't understand Dila.

"Zura, just turn around. Brother Syah has been waiting for that," said Dila again.

Brother Shah wait for you, Dila, not for me. Indeed you are engrossed with Abang Syah only. Brother Shah! Brother Shah! There's nothing else you remember.

I still don't move.

Dila was patiently waiting.

"You go back, Dila. I can go back by myself. It's not that far away from this area with my home" I said. I don't like people waiting for me. I'd rather be alone. Hajat pilgrimage pusara mother anyway. I haven't visited him in a long time. Yeah. ever since I got involved with misfortune.

"It can't be like that Zura. Next time you come again." Persuade Dila to prevent my decision to be alone here. It turned out that Dila did not understand what I was feeling right now.

What am I supposed to say again? Stick with my stance or just according to Dila's request?

"Dila, please don't stop me. I know back to myself," I said firmly.

Dila was surprised to hear my decision but she kept waiting.

Change me. I'm not a barrier! Until tomorrow if you want to keep me here, it's okay.

No more words. Each one speaks a thousand languages. A moment later, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I didn't pay attention to it. No power I look.

"Zura!" One voice called my name.

Uh! I hate that sound. Do I really hate or just mention the word without having the meaning as deeply as possible?

Why should I be close to me? Brother. I don't need your affection right now. I don't need your love caress. I don't deserve to be with you. I have now lost the place of mangadu.

"I'm sorry, brother, Zura." Abang Syah soft-spoken.

Touched my conscience heard that voice but I am not a man who is too easily consumed. That's why I'm still silent. Not paying attention to looking far away.

"Zura, you know Zura's angry with you."

After all, when you know I'm angry, why come close to me? Brother, this is not the time for us to perform.

"Zura!"

"Here you go, bang, it's no good that we're playing here. Leave Zura here." My firmness even though he was struck by an infinite taste.

"Abang can not leave Zura alone here," replied Abang Syah also pitched firmly.

"But why? I'm afraid Zura's missing, kidnapped or..." Emotions once I criticize the words of Abang Syah.

"Zura, come with brother back. In the twilight. Tomorrow we come again," persuaded Abang Syah who still did not give up.

"Replace first with Dila. Zura's not going anywhere. After the pilgrimage of the grave of the mother, Zura return," I said in a word.

"Zura, don't follow your emotions too much. Don't be angry brother, Zura sulked like this."

Whahuh? Because she? The squeeze! What a great he is...

I'm starting to feel so wrong. Come or not?