Heart Diary

4

Alone again and again...

Day by day I await the presence of Doctor Rashdan. Bujan for what, I just want to say sorry. Sorry for the outrageous words of my aunt. It's not as peaceful as it would be if I didn't stick around. I don't want to be said to be a man who doesn't remember. In silence I began to describe how Dr. Rashdan felt with the actions of the aunt of the period of the day.

If I had been in Doctor Rashdan's place, I would have felt what Doctor Rashdan was feeling. Uh! Malunya. With that mistake, I now bear an immeasurable shame. Was it wrong of me to let Doctor Rashdan send me home first? Was it wrong of me not being frank with him about the attitude of the aunt who never touched my presence since long ago again?

In diving the ocean of shame and regret, I also invite my mistakes. Yes, I am also guilty but what should I do? I don't want to cry out for long-lasting guilt. I'm sure, as long as I'm surrounded by feeling good, my feelings won't settle down. I must act to preserve my face water and harmonize the friendly relationship with the young doctor.

I'm still looking for a way to resolve. Really plan this life. Here glazed, there thorny.

I'll try to repair this broken friendship. It was so hard for me to dial the phone number I had obtained from the phone guidebook last night. Take it easy, let Doctor Rashdan not talk to me. Or maybe Doctor Rashdan has been serik serving the hardships that are borne on my shoulders. Perhaps his heart was also hurt by what had happened. Sincerity is paid for with tyranny.

Should I call him? Later if I. ah just say sorry. I'm sorry!!! But... sorry!!!

I got the phone now.

"Hello! Err.. can I talk to Doctor Rashdan?" I said with a thump that came to disturb my feelings.

"Sorry Doctor Rashdan is busy. He has an appointment with the patient now. Is there anything important? If it is important to leave a message, "a woman replied in a soft voice. Presumably nurse.

"No why. I'll call back later." emptyly encircling my heart and heart but that's okay, I'll try again.

Fifteen minutes later, after circulating from the living room, the phone screamed loudly for lift. No one was home to answer the call except me. I'm moving right away. My wish is for Doctor Rashdan to call.

"Hello!" A male voice was heard from the phone. I can now admire. Brother Shah!

"Where's the phone from?" I immediately asked a question.

"From work," replied Abang Syah honestly.

"Did you get a job? Where's where?" about me wanting certainty. As far as I know, when I met with Abang Syah in the hospital the other day, Abang Syah had not worked.

"In a private company here, as a manager's assistant," said Abang Syah.

"Here it is, where?" tanyaku want a full explanation.

I heard Abang Syah laughing at my question.

"Zura want to know where?" about Abang Syah back.

"Abang, Zura asked this of course I want to know. If Zura doesn't want to know, what Zura's doing is asking," my blouse meant it. No more laughter heard.

"Zura, if Zura wants to find out, Zura's got Zura's promise first, okay?" balas Abang Syah put up a noose. Cunning is also my brother who is this.

"What promise, bang?" I pretend to ask. Though I have guessed what exactly Abang Syah means. I made a promise, I will not forget. That was the principle of my life from a long time ago.

"What promise? Uh! Zura don't make a mistake, " explained Abang Syah.

I really have been included in the snares of Abang Syah. Well, if today was destined for me to express everything I resigned as I could. Promises keep promises. Promises must be obeyed even though the road blazes and thorns.

I'll keep trying. The phone's up again. The number written on the horse's paper without hesitation. Today I am braver than last night. Yes, it is true people say, brave because right, afraid because wrong.

"Hello! Can I speak to Dr Rashdan?" I said without being marked with thump again.

"Sorry, Doctor Rashdan just came out. Phone again next time." The nurse's voice that answered last night was heard.

"alright. Thank you." Thank you." I placed the phone with a void. I'll try again.

I'll keep trying.

"Hello, can I talk to Doctor Rashdan?" ajuku is not desperate. I hope this time I can also say sorry. Even a word is enough.

"Sorry, Doctor Rashdan is on leave today. May I know who made this call? I'm kind of a big deal about this." I guess the same nurse.

I'm muttered. Unable to carry on words. Uh! It's hard to say sorry. That precious word I cannot express.

"No why. Give my thanks to him for helping me so much, a former patient who lived on Wad 3C last month" told me before putting the phone on.

The emptiness that is lodged in the heart, I hold in silence. It's hard to fix the truth. Do I constantly blame myself? I have been trying to restore tangles but maybe God still wants to extend praise for me in carrying the bonds and thorns of life.

Indeed, a mistake has a solution path but if the solution path is circular and thorny, it is also difficult to decipher.

What is certain, I have tried. My prayer, may Allah open the door of Doctor Rashdan's heart so that he may forgive me and my aunt.

Uh! What am I supposed to do?

The boredom that engulfs me cannot be contained anymore. Silent, silent is increasingly not mired in the heart. Is life like this?

Today I have to be frank with my aunt. Abang Syah's proposal that offers me job opportunities I will submit to aunt. I've made up my mind, whatever obstacles you've given me, I'll try to convince him too. This decision has never troubled my aunt, I thought.

"Sir, tomorrow Zura will start working" I said frankly.

The aunt who was busy sewing Atie's clothes, stopped sewing. He looked at my face with great sadness.

"Work? What work can you do, Zura? Not enough to eat the drinks you gave me?" answer mak mik gentler. Rarely does my aunt have such a tone when talking to me. I was surprised to see my aunt in two days. From the ripples of his face, there was a path of change. Probably out of sympathy with my situation.

"It's not like that, aunt. Zura was content to be cooped up, little sister. It just so happened that Zura's foster brother offered to work as a shop assistant at a nearby bookstore and stationery," I replied without protection.

"Well, what does Zura want to go to work with? With wheels like that?" about aunt again, dissatisfied.

"He was willing to take and send Zura home" I said boldly and firmly.

My mother was silent.

I-i understand.