Heart Diary

3

The fun starts to show today.

"Zura, cheerful to see today?" reprimand Doctor Rashdan after I finish packing.

"Pest. Not to this day Zura can return," I replied dishonestly. The joy that was emanated on my face was actually not because today I was allowed out of this 3C ward but the meeting with Abang Syah last night had cured my longing for the intimacy that had existed for ten years then.

The confession that says I'm happy to be able to come home today is not true at all. I might be happy because of that. The house where I lived during my mother's absence is not a paradise as is often said. My house slogan my paradise has never been created in the diary of my life since the absence of my mother six years ago.

"Zura, may I ask you a question?" Doctor Rashdan spoke again when he saw me silent.

"Ask," I replied gladly.

"Every night I saw Zura chatting with a man. Is... that guy Zura's special friend to?" doctor Rashdan wants certainty.

Flinched I heard the question coming out of Doctor Rashdan's mouth. Didn't expect Doctor Rashdan to ask even the slightest question unrelated to him. Then I felt heavy for me to give an answer. It is not natural for me to act to expose people who have been very virtuous to me.

"Oh that guy, he was actually my foster brother in school days. Our rudder separated and last night reunited. Coincidentally Mak Cik Rasidah is her mother. And he came to take Mak Cik Rasidah home" I explained at length.

"So not a special friend? Forgive me for being mistaken" said Doctor Rashdan timidly.

The feeling of wanting to laugh also I saw the look on the face of Doctor Rashdan at that time. Poor thing...

"Doctor Rashdan, I'm a special friend. Appearance is not beautiful, property is not there, lessons are as far as SPM only. Who is pleased. What else is in this state of saua." My voice began to pitched cheerfully suddenly loosened when relating my condition which is now not free anymore swinging legs like before.

"Zura, don't be so humble. Every human being has its own weaknesses and privileges. Zura also has its privileges but Zura is the one who is not aware" Dr Rashdan said.

I just mutely heard Doctor Rashdan's persuasion.

"Already, Zura. Let me send Zura home." Doctor Rashdan.

That evening I went home with Doctor Rashdan. I feel grateful for the help provided by Doctor Rashdan, but my heart also occasionally feels uneasy when imagining the reaction of the aunt at home later.

On my way home from the hospital, Doctor Rashdan did not continue to take me home. Instead Dr Rashdan stopped at a shop inside the city area to buy something. I waited patiently in the car alone. Maybe Doctor Rashdan wants to buy some hands to bring back home. I waited a long time until I felt sleepy.

"Zura!" call Doctor Rashdan suddenly. I'm snapped from lena. Apparently I slept for a while. After I opened my eyes, I saw Doctor Rashdan had been intercepted outside the carriage with a wheelchair. I just saw Doctor Rashdan put the wheelchair on the back seat.

Along the way, I quieted myself more and more as I let my eyes off the window. My feelings of guilt for having sucked Doctor Rashdan started coming to mind. Dr Rashdan is not a member of my family. He is not my brother either. Doctor Rashdan is just a doctor assigned to take care of me.

"Doctor, forgive me for bothering the doctor. Power should not burden the doctor. I know, the doctor's job is to treat patients only in the hospital.." I haven't had the time to finish the words, Doctor Rashdan siludah nodded as if he disagreed with my words.

"Zura, I am also a weak ordinary human being, so a helping nature is necessary. My help is to be understood" Dr Rashdan said at length.

In silence I acknowledged Doctor Rashdan's words earlier. Indeed, humans are weak and indeed life help is necessary in a life of money in the meantime. Recollecting the words of Doctor Rashdan, my heart began to feel calm. A smile etched on Doctor Rashdan's lips began to flutter upon seeing my smile.

I arrived home when the Maghreb began to roar in the air. Very loud and clear. As Doctor Rashdan's speech stopped right in front of the house, I noticed the aunt puffing at the window. After seeing me with Doctor Rashdan in the car, my aunt started to climb down the stairs to get me.

"Alright first. The Maghrib is here." Mother's laugh after I introduced Doctor Rashdan to aunt. The friendliness of my aunt in front of Doctor Rashdan managed to hide my fear of being faced with this situation.

"What is it, Miss. I'll come next time. Grandmother take good care of Zura. For the time being, he had to move around using a wheelchair. God willing, if he diligently practiced walking, he would recover. Just that process will take a long time" Dr Rashdan told the aunt.

I also heard the advice understood that the advice given by Doctor Rashdan was only to heal my heart. I've been lulled by such an explanation.

As always, I look forward to the presence of Doctor Rashdan.

"Zura, auntie doesn't want Doctor Rashdan to take Zura out again." Mother's message on a quiet morning.

It was too late that I heard the warning of the aunt who wanted to support my freedom. Uncle...didn't you understand the meaning of this loneliness of my life? My steps are no longer what they used to be. My movements are no longer like the movements of other people. Is it wrong that Doctor Rashdan came to help me get out of this lonely world of mine?

"Taoi aunt, Doctor Rashdan instead of taking Zura away places that are not good. We just went out for a walk on the beach. Just to get rid of boredom and..." I feel very sad to continue the words.

"Already Zura. Whatever reason Zura gave, my aunt didn't allow Doctor Rashdan to take Zura out. Remember that! While Zura was still living in this house, Zura had to hear the aunt's words." Clearly, auntie did intend to restrict my freedom in my circumstances like this.

I can't defend myself. Tears are coming down this valley of trembling. At a glance I looked at Atie, my step-sister who was next to the aunt.

Atie just smiled cynically at me.

I brought myself back into the room. The still silent atmosphere of the morning invited a thousand openings for me. I was pensive and kept pensive. Picture in the frame on the table occasional parentheses. Oh mother. I'm passing through lonely nature life now. Look, my foot is deformed and can't work anymore.

In this old room I was alone again. How lonely this life is. Every day just alone in an old room staring at the openings that fill the void. Befriending patience and carelessness, I tried to accept the fact that I was a poor man who was often tested with the joys of life. Mother's face is not bored I look at. If that face could make a sound, surely I could also chatter to release the sense of the now enthroned.

"Sir Zura! The phone!" Jerit Atie suddenly.

Soon my daydream stopped. Quickly I switched the position of the wheelchair to go to the living room.

"Hello! Zura. Who's this?" I started the conversation.

"Zura, this brother." There was a voice of a man talking about himself.

I was silent for a moment. Think and try to condemn the voice. Soon after, I returned to voice. Brother Shah!

"How can you contact Zura? That day Zura didn't share a phone number, either" I replied in surprise. It's true, on that day I didn't leave my home phone number. I remind you that the meeting of the period of the day is only so far. I realize who I am again. It's no longer a dulum

"Zura, said the one about a thousand powers would not be a thousand excuses. What... can't you call Zura? Oh, my brother knows... Zura must be worried that Zura's special people know you?"

Is that really the talk that comes out of the mouth of Abang Syah?

"Abang, are you looking for this? Who said you can't call Zura? Zura is no special human. Zura realized who Zura was, bang," I replied firmly. I feel inferior to the words of Abang Syah earlier I immediately expressed. Someone special, I really want to forget everything.

"Zura, forgive brother if the words of brother had offended Zura. Didn't think Zura was now feeling the person. Brother didn't mean to insult Zura but as far as you know, Zura was there..."

"Enough, bang. Zura actually wanted to forget everything."

"But why?"

It turns out that Abang Syah still wants to explore the secrets of my life. Should I re-open what I want to forget? Brother Shah, you have no right to know. It's true you're my foster brother but what you want to unravel has nothing to do with you. I'm stuck again. Between being frank or keeping my grief story a secret.

"Abang, forgive Zura . Zuravtak can force himself to tell Zura what he wants to put out. Please don't force Zura, bang." My heart is sincere. I really want to forget that name. Enough of what he gave. A leuka and a disappointment.

"Zura, brother does not intend to force Zura but brother sense brother has the right to know. Tell, Zura. If what is contained in Zura's story is grief, brother is willing to take care of the grief. Zura's..." Sayu and Pilu heard the voice of Abang Syah in embroidery those words.

Abang Syah. You don't feel what I've felt. If you were now in my place, I would have you also objected to express what is contained in your heart.

"Abang, Zura wasn't ready to tell me. If you really want to know, wait for the right time." Somehow the words that came out of my mouth were a guarantee for me to re-describe the painful story that was slashed. Perhaps a piece of sympathy was present persuading my heart to say so. Can I face such a good time to tell everything?

"Zura, brother wait for that appropriate time. Zura promise ye? Okay, Zura, next time you call again. Take good care of yourself. Hye!" Brother Syah put down the phone handle before I could speak further. Take good care of myself. I always take care of myself as best I can but. ah! I blame God's destiny. Astaghfirullahalazim.

I was back at the window.

Mister's still in the rice field.

Atie was diligently reviewing the lesson.something I wanted to know was still lodged in the heart. Atie can definitely give you an answer.

With a slow movement, I continued to approach Atie who was not far from my place.

"Arie, sorry Brother Zura interfered," I reprimanded starting the conversation.

Atie was engrossed in reviewing the lesson of turning.

"What's up, say it," replied Arie.

"Atie, in these two days, didn't Doctor Rashdan come here?" aboutku tabpa sheltered again. I really wish Atie would come clean to me without protecting her.

"Sir Zura, did not you order, men should not come to the house. Not good to know," replied Atie firmly.

The answer I gave was not going to keep what I wanted. I am not satisfied.

"Atie, Brother Zura asked me if Doctor Rashdan had come here in two days?" reply hard. The pain with the answer that was given forced me to insist.

"There! But I'm warning."

Atie's voiceover gave me an answer that gave me an understanding.

The cruel aunt.

Atie doesn't understand either. Don't they know, Doctor Rashdan is someone who deserves credit? During my time in the hospital, only he often came with an antidote to treat my anxiety and loneliness. Didn't they realize that it was Doctor Rashdan who had helped me a lot in all my difficulties? Is that a reply they gave? I'm shy. Shame with aunt and Atie's attitude.

Dad didn't know about me. Go home after seeing my footnote and leave again without any sympathy and mercy.