He's Not Mine

42. Candour

A message from an unknown number came in, ‘Back half my soul.’ I opened the profile of the sender, Almayra Restita Tunggadewi. I immediately made a call to the number. Time shows ten o'clock more nights, calls go unanswered. It's been too late, maybe he's been sleeping. Time to go home too.

Arriving at the mess, I could not sleep thinking about the message that Resti sent this afternoon. When viewed the delivery time, he sent the message when defile. Resti worked in the documentation and publication division, maybe when covering earlier, he saw me and sent this message. My number is still stored, actually how do you feel about me then and now? It used to be very difficult, it took a long time to convince her that I deserved to be her boyfriend, when there went to the dinar to Lebanon, she easily forgot me and chose to marry Irvan. Moreover, according to the story of Mas Joko, he was crying for marriage to Irvan. Not even six months from her husband's departure, she asked me to come back. Bizarrely.

Not that I didn't accept it, but what was his heart like? 

Adhan dawn reverberated, Resti number has not been active. I offer the best prayer for my life and the big family, tucked also a prayer for my rib candidate who knows who and where.

Until the morning apple was finished, there was no reply from Resti number yesterday. Last active at 08:13, means he's seen my call. Probably still busy making documentation of the event yesterday, let alone, I am still busy with my own work as well.

***

Mentari was about to return to the contest, I just finished the data collection tool used yesterday, a voice call came in, “Mas Imam where? I have been waiting for you this afternoon!” resti Voice.

“This who?” many ensure.

“I Resti, I forgot? My message has not been read!” resti's voice vibrates.

“I have not opened hp, wait a minute yes, after my magrib prayer there!” my answer.

“No need, tomorrow again!” Resti disconnected the phone call. Hm, gini nih if the girl sulks, I immediately go to the car and drive to the cafeteria. Hope Resti is still around the canteen.

Right out of the cafeteria, I stopped the car near Resti standing up. I got out of the car and opened the door for Resti, “up!” then Resti got into the car. Shut up, that's what we did all the way. I'm looking for a private cafe, not far from the base.

The cafe consists of two floors, I took Resti's hand to the second floor even though he refused.

“Order food here, I want to pray first. Wait a minute!” I left Resti alone to worship the Almighty. I came back soon, but there was no food on the table.

“Have you ordered food?” my question, Resti nodded, “now I want permission to pray first,” Resti passed before I gave permission.

Shortly thereafter, Resti came along with the food that had been ordered.

“Please eat!” I took the food and ate it without waiting for Resti, we ate in silence. After I finished eating, I opened my phone. Turns out, Resti invited me to meet at the cafeteria this afternoon. The message was sent from noon, but I didn't touch the phone at all. Resti waited for me in the canteen until magrib, it is natural to be angry.

“Sorry yes, I just held hp. Just saw your message,” I showed my phone to Resti, he looked at my phone then nodded, I have not given a name to Resti number on my phone.

“Ehm, anyone want to talk to me?” ask pleasantries.

Resti raised his head, looked at my face, “I sent a message yesterday,” Resti lowered his head again.

I rubbed my face, “you are sure of what you said that?”

Resti nodded in shame. “Your husband's grave is not dry yet!” spontaneous talk. Resti looked at me and then looked down again. “I know, your iddah time is over. But I feel it's less than appropriate.”

“Alright, thank you.” Resti stood up about to leave the table, but my hand grabbed his hand faster, “sit down! Maybe there is something else to talk about,” I sat Resti on the chair she was in.

“What?” tanya Resti is brief.

“Are you sure of the message you sent yesterday?” I tried to look into her beautiful eyes, there was warmth when I saw her two shaded eyeballs.

“Actually I am ashamed to say it, especially earlier Mas Imam said it was inappropriate!” Resti looked down, there were tears falling. My reflex touched his hand and then grabbed it. “Have it, don't cry. Sorry, I didn't deserve to say that.” I gave Resti a tissue, and then she wiped her tears.

“Irvan is no more Mas!” Resti returned my hand.

“Try to tell me how you feel about Irvan and me. I want you to be honest, a lot of info I received about you and Irvan, but I want to know all of you in full.”

“Mas Imam kayak dad!” resti's two hands were still holding my right hand.

I smile, “tell me!”

“I don't want to talk about Irvan anymore!” Resti.

“Alright, we go home now!” I pretended to stand up, but Resti pulled my hand again.

“Iya, I want a story, but don't get teased ya!” resti said, I nodded.

“Irvan was my girlfriend when I was in High School, she went to college in America when we were dating,” said Resti.

“Before I went to Lebanon first, I promised to marry you after I finished my duty. But why did you marry her more before I came home?” I swallowed the bitter-tasting saliva.

“Sorry,” Resti relaxes his hand grip. “I'm asking for your explanation, not just an apology,”.

“Mas Imam his service was too long, initially said six months, it turned out to be more than two years,” he replied.

“You know for yourself, who assigned me a country, I don't want to linger there!” I pressed down on his words, then exhaled a rough breath.

“Irvan returned to Indonesia while Mas Imam was in Lebanon, we came back close and decided to get married!” resti's voice was clear to me even though he said very quietly.

“Why did you do that, how did you feel about me being lost back then?” I hold back the anger of disappointment.

Resti fell silent and lowered his head, he returned to wiping tears, “from the time I did not like the military, I do not like soldiers. Dad always forced me to be a soldier. Dad used to force me to take the AAL test, but I prefer the world of models and fashion. I failed AAL, but Dad forced me to come along. I hated the military more and more, until I finally met the Imam. From Mas Imam I began to love work and feel proud to be part of the Navy. But when the Imam left, Irvan approached me, giving me the facilities to model as I had aspired. Without Imam, I went back to what I used to be, plunged into the world of modeling and came back to hate the military world that made my skin black and broken. Irvan made me queen, something I've never felt before. I think, later mas Imam must be like a father, hard, likes to force and does not like the fashion world. I think getting married to Irvan is the best choice. But it turns out I was wrong,” Resti drank his drink in a glass.

“Why?” my many.

“After returning home from America, it turns out that his habits are very different from the first. True said father and mother, he is too free, likes to get drunk and often spends his night time on useless things. I don't like.”

“Why did you tell me to him?” my many.

“I don't like him coming home late at night with the smell of alcohol, igniting my anger, whereas Angga was just born. I compare him to the Imam and the father. It turned out that the army was good, disciplined, far from the negative things Irvan did. Irvan's parents always defended her when I complained about what she was doing. Every time we fight I always say the name of the father and the Imam, for me the father and the Imam are the best. Irvan also said that her mom was better than me. The night before the accident, Irvan was drunk until almost dawn. I was so angry, I said he can not be close to me and Angga, he did not accept, then took Angga from me, took him away from nowhere,” Resti cried a mouthful, sobbing, “last there was an accident that made Angga go forever!” Resti lowered his head above his hands on the table.

“Sorry, I made you cry,” I feel guilty making Resti cry like this.

Resti raised his head and shook his head, “I lost a child that I loved so much because Irvan was negligent, drunk. I was thinking, why did God just take my son's life, why not Irvan all of you. But my father and mother advised me to keep doing good to my husband. I was guarding the hospital with my mom. Mami scolded me, always defending Irvan, mocking the Imam in front of me. When the Imam visited at that time, fortunately there was no mother. If there is mami, surely mas Imam scolded as well!”

“Now how do you feel about Irvan?” it feels like these lips are meant to say. 

“I wouldn't lie if he was the first one to give me the happiness I never got. She was nice, I am grateful to have been his wife. His family gave me all the luxury facilities I had never felt before. She's great, I'm the only queen in Irvan's life! I love Irvan,” Resti covered her face with both hands.

“Irvan just died four months ago, religiously you can already marry any man. Is it that easy to forget? Is it that easy to express love to me? It's not that I don't like you but it's obviously different then and now, it's not that easy. From the first time I tried to ignore you, deliberately away, I tried to be sincere with what you did. It felt heavy, pain that could not be expressed in words. I almost lost my life when I drowned first, it's hard to erase your name in this heart. You understand right? All takes time, not easy to heal wounds.”

“Om Priest!” the little boy called me.