Halal Me With Your Parent's Ridho

2. I'm Nyimas Khodijah Bramastari

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POVS. DANCE

Never thought by me to be in this position, am I being played with fate ? that's what's always been on my mind. Every day was just a blank look and regret and wanted to end the life I felt but there were two angels who always awakened me to return yes he was my parents who had always been strong supporting me is one of the reasons I am in this position. Actually coming back to that world is so hard I made such a big mistake that I dragged myself so deep, in the emptiness room of my life, crying and crying that's all I could do. But there's one thing I have to do, I have to look hard to smile when faced with both of them, they're my paradise in a world that never sided with me. Luckily I had them both as lanterns in my dark life ever since the events that took away everything in me.

Can't feel if I remember the event, the event that destroyed everything. All I closed in the deepest recesses of my heart is honestly as tight as my heart remembers that time, but because my two angels are now I can stand up even though I am still bowed to the reality that exists, I feel unworthy if I stare at this world with my head raised. And since then I promised myself to close the door of my heart close to all things related to love.

Until one night, I was about to get out of my room I set foot into the kitchen of my house which is still based on the ground, I passed through a small mosque often called sholatan by my family I heard a small stuffing from my father. How astonished I was to know my father someone who always looked hard was crying sobbing stirring the fate of the only daughter to the owner of a life so bitter. I left it because honestly AQ could not hear the sobbing, my heart hurt too much to feel it than the events I experienced. The next night I woke up the same day and still heard that stuff, it really broke my little heart. And the night of the next night was the same. At one point I felt I had to look for him .....

It turned out that the world was not as cruel as I thought, or was this indeed God's recompense for the obedience of my parents. I don't know for sure I know it's the conversion of my two angels' prayer. I used to be so far away from Him, now I feel reluctant to be away from Him. True also said the saying "we must know where our origin" yes I come from Him and will return to Him anyway that is now if it became the motto of my life. After all this time I tried to find Him I finally found him and right, this really calms my heart. The feeling of calm, peace, I got myself lost first, I found my way home after a long time I was lost, that's what I got until I forgot about the bad event.

After I approached Him one by one the feeling that held me missing I felt peaceful, until one day I was really ready to face the outside world again.

Be me here, be a teacher who said the Javanese digugu and imitated all my children are special children created by Him. I feel like I've rediscovered my life that I lost a few years ago, by being in the middle of them there are so many life lessons that I learned. I had to stay away from my angels because of this job I parted with them but with this job I can also boast of them achieving a dream that was delayed for some reason. Every day I teach in the morning, and college in the day after dhuhur and night I still have to teach ya now I live in a boarding school that is quite famous in the city of Malang. You could say I'm late in deepening religious knowledge but it doesn't matter to me because this is really very I want. I don't know why I'm so scared right now when I'm away from him.

At the age of 25 years now do not ever ask a life partner to me, really I have no plans to just think or imagine. I have warned this heart not to fall in love with His creation because love is love for the creator, if that be the foundation of my life. Why is it because to me men and love will open old wounds that I think are almost dry, even though the nature of God creates its creatures in pairs.

I've buried my old nature, the jolly, sweet, spoiled, chatty, and a little coquettish girl I used to be. But now that AQ has become quiet, closed, cold and just talk as necessary, I have also closed myself off from new people even from my cousin's brother closed himself off. All I do is guard my heart, and keep my heart so that my heart is filled only with love for Him. I don't have a friend even that friend I did it on purpose because I don't want my time to be seized by anything else but Him. But I don't have one friend that I consider more like sister mbak Rina her name is yes only one friend that I have why I can be friends with her it's because my friend taught me in even though our relationship is not that familiar but at least I still have a friend who invites me to talk

Yes I am Nyimas Khodijah Bramastari, who you may think is a freak but it's me, it's like this I either like it or not. Because for me because you think I exist or not that's not a problem for me.

Every Saturday I don't have a course, I don't, I always use to go home to see my angel because it's kind of a mood booster for me after Monday to Saturday struggling with my busy return home like filling up my battery. But today is different at 4 pm I am still in the office where I teach this because there are some things I have to do.

I went back to the dormitory in a hurry, fortunately, the angkot that usually does not apply for a long time today. Immediately I arrived at the terminal very pleased my inner at least I'm Maghrib already at home .....

But it didn't fit my imagination for a long time I was looking for a bus heading towards my house, until I stare at that big orange bus and it's the only bus that's gonna take me home.

I made up my resolve to go up ignoring my raging feelings, the shadow of the time came but I tried to hold my feet firmly but when I arrived at the front back door of the bus my step stopped seemed unable to continue this but I had to go home that is if there is a turmoil. Without me noticing the cold sweat coming out of my temple, my body was slow and seemed boneless no matter how long I was in this mode, but consciously AQ still beristighfar to neutralize the mind that was raging.

"astaghfirullah, sorry I said slowly"

"no papa mba, how's it going ?" he said while thrusting a bottle of mineral drink at me

"thank you" I said, taking the bottle and drinking it

Back I fell silent and I started to close my eyes that I did because to cover my nervousness I started making love with the Divine Kalam that I had memorized a little but why my heart hurt again, why does my chest feel tight where the warmth that I felt earlier why it doesn't feel the same all just pops up. Without me noticing I started sobbing so quickly I heard something

"it's mba, don't force it"

I immediately opened my eyes and the memorization that I was usually so eloquent to just say so quickly I said,

"sorry maz, we're not mahram"

At once he said.

"god willing, I will justify you"

Instantly my world stopped there, somehow kata2 managed to make me jerk and my chest filled with a pounding no wonder what this feeling is. Why did fate play me again, he wasn't enough to play me.

When the knuckle said my place down was near then I immediately stood near the door. I was confused as to what was happening, and then I came down with an empty mind.

"astaghfirullah" said I remembered leaving something on the bus

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