For the Love of

17

This morning, I was the same. Nausea and dizziness whack. I thought it was just a cold or a common pain, but I think something else now. Moreover, after hearing the explanation from Mother and Sister Sri.

"Maybe you fill in again, Neng," said Mother.

I was stunned to hear that. Really it?

"Let's remember, before the divorce, you ..."

I nodded quickly. Cutting off the speech of Sri Mbak. "The day before the final hearing, the night, Mas Aji and I did .. that," I said, "more so, I just finished the hadast."

"Well, that's fertile time." Sri Mbak asserted.

Therefore, this morning, I will try to get some advice from Mom. To check it with a new test pack Mbak Sri bought.

And it's been 15 minutes but I haven't seen the results either. Too scared.

But I tried to be brave. Than long curious.

I closed my eyes when I knew the result was two red lines. My hands tremble. My body suddenly went limp and my chest was a little tight.

I don't accept his presence. It's just that I'm confused as to what I should do after this.

Do I have to talk to Mas Aji and admit it? Or keep this a secret?

My life seems to be tied to Mas Aji. People who have made me happy and hurt at the same time.

As if, the universe did not want the two of us to separate further and further.

Mom called me shortly. I quickly approached him.

"What's up, Mom?"

"There's Karel coming."

"Again?"

Mother nodded.

I let out a breath. Karel is often visited here. Though I told you, not too often for fear of many people suspect a no-no. Understand, this is in the village.

"Where, Neng?" ask Mom before I meet Karel.

I nodded slowly.

Mom smiled as she rubbed my arm. "Promised. That sustenance," said Mother cheering.

"But ... if the neighbors think strange how, Mom?" many fear.

Mom rubbed my head gently. "Don't think about it. In fact, you are not strange either. Yea?"

"Yes." Yeah." Mom cut my words. "His father should know, Neng. Sooner or later. How, that's up to you. Already yes, don't mind too much."

I smiled and nodded. This mother is a good tranquilizer for me.

"What's up, Rail?" I asked for a moment after approaching Karel.

Karel. "There's nothing, really. Just want to come here."

"Just yesterday you came here, now come here again. Haven't you been back to Jakarta yet?"

Karel shakes.

I let out a breath. "Why? Though your schedule is solid again definitely."

"Yes. But I'm worried about you. Work can be handled with asissten."

I'm clucking. "Don't do it, Rail. You have to be professional." I'm upset.

Karel just smiled at my babbling. "What are you doing?"

"Good."

"But your face is still pale. To doctor yuk?"

I'm shaking. "It's okay, really. This is usual."

"Well..."

"Rel .. mending you go home. Sorry, I'm not evicting you. But don't be like this, you don't work just to find me with the kids."

"You don't feel burdened by this. I want to myself. As for my work, don't worry either. Not too many patients today."

I breathe hearing it. This carrel has a hard stance. If he wants an A, it has to be an A.

"So ... How about, Wa?" ask Karel random.

I was silent for a moment. Then, nod. Previously, I had spoken to Karel about the suspicions of Mother and Sister Sri who stated I was pregnant. There's no other reason to tell her except because I want to.

"Is it okay if I know more than his father?" Karel.

I was confused as to what to answer. To be sure, I am the same. I understand, on the one hand, this act of mine is wrong. But on the other hand, how else. About Karel knowing first, it has been my decision. I think it was Karel who made me believe. He's been helping me bigger all this time. Especially my recovery.

"Sooner or later, his father should know."

...***...