Flavour Bias

Thin Smile

We had dinner in silence, even though we were sitting next to each other on one bed. Slowly the feeling of goiter in the liver, melted into tears that come out across the cheeks. I finally ate with tears.

If I have to stick with him, I just want us to communicate well. And he explained everything, not just an enigmatic silence. I'm not a detective who's willing to solve the case.

I know he's looking at me, maybe he's hearing a sobbing I'm trying to hold back so he doesn't get his voice out. However, it instead made my chest ache and tight.

“Why?”

I quickly looked up to hear his question. If other women might say it's okay. I didn't want to answer that because he should have known that things weren't okay. However, my tongue was locked, so I could not answer that question easily. My tears are getting bigger.

Supposedly, he put his plate on the table, then inched near me and gave his embrace, but he didn't. I don't think he's gonna do it for me.

“I want to go home,” I said softly.

“Ajone, nothing is holding you here, other than your pain it.” He's staring at my feet.

My chest is getting sicker. If it keeps going on like this I'm afraid I'm gonna wish more on this relationship.

“This relationship is burdensome to me. If there is nothing holding me here, then release me.”

“Since yesterday you are free to do whatever you want, even if it makes it difficult for us. Is that not freedom?”

My heart is beating, my chest is rumbling. “Not that. I know actually you understand what I want.”

“I don't know.” He got up and left me in the room alone with all the feelings that made me even more hurt.

In the end I could only enjoy all of this alone without anyone listening, or trying to understand. I don't want to tell anyone about this marriage, including Yuri, who I've always believed in being a friend.

 I took a deep breath, then took it out slowly. God believed I was strong and so God sent me to confront that man and to carry this out. But words are not enough to calm me down. I just want a hug. Twenty seconds, maybe it will make me feel relieved.

A few moments later, someone opened the door. Who else if not the owner of this room. He opened the door wide and an old woman came inside.

“His leg sprains.”

The woman nodded and approached me. I'm poignant. Did ya? He can be that cute, but he can also be more attentive than I thought.

That woman didn't ask me to lie down. So, I was allowed to remain seated with my legs extended. He said that if I wanted to massage my whole body, my stomach should be empty. Afraid that pressure might make me vomit.

The woman started massaging in slow motion, but managed to make me want to scream. However, I just grimaced.

“Do not strain,” he said while slowing down his massage. “Later it gets sicker.

I went back to grimacing with the pain. While people stood watching my pain, including the man who claimed to be my husband. The husband in general will probably soothe the pain of his wife. But, why would I wish that, wouldn't I want it?

***

There is nothing special about this relationship even though it is the fourth day. It feels like just going for one week takes up to thousands of hours. Even to spend a day feels so long.

Just like the second day, I'm not going anywhere today. Sit in bed and spend time reading books. The man went nowhere. He came back just to sleep at night. If you say you're not bored, it's a lie. I am not a person who can stay at home for a long time.

“My best friend, Yuri. She's getting engaged on Sunday. So, I have to go home,” I said to Sister Iyash as she prepared to sleep.

“From anywhere?” I don't care if he's really sleeping.

“Meet my friends,” she replied.

“Hm. You said you already have a wife?” manya curious. But I wish he said no.

“Yes. Wife and one child.”

Both my eyes are wide open. While I saw him smile thinly, then turn around to back me.

“Why lie?”

He even puts his shoulders.

“Whatever, I don't want to interfere. You rent aja, ladies and one child to run your charade.”

“Why rent?”

“You think they'll believe, I even still look like a high school boy,” chuckles to me.

“Means I'm lucky to have a wife who is ageless.”

My lips turned and my heart suddenly soared.

“That's not a compliment, so stop smiling.”

My smile faded away. And I saw him looking at me in the mirror. I quickly broke down and turned back to her so that my face would no longer be seen in the mirror and she would not know that I was still thinking about her praise, so my lips smiled again.

***

At ten in the morning there were many guests at Grandma's house. I was also asked to dress up neatly by his granddaughter Grandma, the man who five days ago married me. She didn't ask me to dress up pretty, I think she realized I was pretty without her having to ask for it.

It turned out that it was his friends at High School. Maybe they were the ones he met yesterday.

I shake hands with his friends one by one, from starting Kak Bagas, a neat man with all-nice clothes. Shiny hair and shirt with buttons that are not missed at all, the tip of the shirt even inserted into his pants. Then there was Brother Dennis, a man with narrow eyes, like a Chinese, but had brownish skin. And Brother Umam, I think of all, Brother Umam is the most humorous. Maybe from his body, he's the one I'd rather call a bear, but it still doesn't fit because he's so playful.

 On average, they have a wife and children. It's fitting that Brother Iyash said he already had one child, I don't think he wants to lose to them.

“So, Mariss–”

“Icha,” I said to Kak Umam as he was about to say my name. However, Iyash interrupted her and asked her to keep calling me Marissa, like her, because so far she has never called my nickname. Even if I don't remember wrongly, from childhood he called me with a call like that.

“Iya, whatever, want Marissa or Icha, same time,” I said clumsy.

“No surprise, can melt Iyash,” said Kak Umam.

“Why not. Grandma said too, if the bear will submit to its handler,” I replied proudly. I'm not sure I can do it either. Our relationship was even spiced up too much with arguments. I had to swallow a lot of spicy sentences and I also had to be patient with his cold attitude.

All three of his friends laughed. While I saw Brother Iyash just shook his head with a faint smile on his lips. Don't expect me to see him smile wide, because until his friends come home, he doesn't sing his lips until it looks like teeth at all. Just a thin smile, typical of cold men. However, I am grateful that he did not show his cynical smile.