Flavour Bias

Throw Out Shit

Now I feel free and for me this is not too difficult. So I decided to return to land and climb again to the top of the waterfall. I want to make sure once again that I can conquer the height of this waterfall. Just as I could conquer everyone's height and hardness towards me.

Then again I felt my body float in the air for a few seconds and fall into the arms of the fresh and refreshing river water. As soon as my tiredness disappeared, my mind calmed down and my burden fell to the bottom of the river.

I repeated it again until I could actually accept my own feelings. Until a few times, I was still fine, until finally my jump failed and my hand was scratched by a tree branch. It feels painful and so painful. I think I'm even with a cut on Brother Iyash's hand, although it's still not worth it, but he shouldn't have taken my life.

 I quickly climbed ashore and sat on a rock, blood continuing to pour from the skin below the elbow. My head started to throb. However, I tried to hold on to be able to conquer it. I've been through this before and I don't think it's hard for me, even though my head hurts a little.

I immediately got up and went to find my way home, I don't know how long I was there that I obviously felt the sun had just been on top of my head. Slowly as I left the place, I saw the sunlight and began to feel the warmth.

I don't think I know the way home, I just hope God keeps my consciousness right now. Don't let me faint because the blood I feel keeps dripping between my skin tears. Thank goodness I couldn't see how long the wound was, but it was probably big because it was so painful to feel.

I kept following where the river was flowing. I should have probably gone back upstream and come home through the road I passed before. I walked for a long time until my feet felt so sore and I felt no more water in my shoes. I also do not feel heavy because of wet clothes, especially my sweater that has been sagging because it was wet. However, the blood made my white pants turn brownish red.

I looked around and I saw a three-story building. I was behind him. Thank goodness I was close. I was looking for a way out of that place.

Like an object being thrown, I was suddenly on a fork in the road. I didn't realize I made it out of that forest, just say so. I wanted to laugh, but it's not funny because I haven't met a single human.

Right on the right side of the fork I saw a stall. My stomach is hungry, but stopping by for free I don't have any money. Either a lucky one, or it's already been set. I saw Madam Lastri come out of the stall and walk to the right.

“Mbak,” call me. However, he did not hear my voice that was too slow. I dragged my tired feet. Now I'm even making it hard on myself.

I tried not to lose Madam Lastri, the maid at Grandma's house. However, when I tried to chase after him, I was unfocused and did not realize that a motor passed right in front of me and the sound of his horn was shrieking sharply.

The sound made my ears buzz and I don't know what happened after that.

***

Faintly I heard many overlapping sounds covering my hearing, slowly all becoming clear and clear.

“Cha.”

I opened my eyes and saw Mama's face right in front of me. Mama hugged me tight.

“Other times if you want to go, permission, so we are not confused nyariin you.”

I was flabbergasted to hear Aunt Ira's scolding. I realized that this is the real crocodile breeding. Maybe if I let my guard down a little, I'll be eaten alive.

“From earlier, Iyash was looking for you,” added the woman, while Mama just kept quiet. I saw his worried face, I knew Mama might be afraid of not being able to see me again, whereas I had wanted to end it all before.

“Where are you from?” mama asked worriedly as she clasped both of my cheeks. I've lost my sweater and left only a black tanktop that still feels a little wet. My lukaku has been bandaged downwards, I think maybe the wound is long.

“Cha, Mama worry.”

I forgot that I'm not alone in this world, even though Mama forced everyone's will on me, but Mama apologized last night.

Instantly I was confused. “Mama want to go home?”

Mama nodded.

“Icha follow.” I sat down quickly, but Mama held my shoulder.

“Stay there, Cha.”

“Ma.”

Suddenly Madam Lastri came and brought her a bowl of soup with warm rice.

“Eat first.”

“Rahma, we have to talk,” says Aunt Ira.

“But, my son is hungry, he has to eat,” said Mama emotionally. I saw both of her eyes dewy, but Mama managed to keep her from falling. I admit Mama is quite tough and can control all her feelings.

“Let Iyash feed Icha, she's her husband,” said Aunt Ira, as if forgetting how her son's condition sucks. I am like this because of him too.

Mama clucked. “You forgot, your son still has trouble feeding himself.”

“Enough! My son is like this to protect your son. If there is no him, now you have lost Icha.”

We all fell silent, no one spoke after hearing Aunt Ira's slurs. I finally saw Mama give up on her own feelings. He fell down and his tears fell.

“Ma.” I woke up this time and I could only hug her. Everything Aunt Ira said was true, so I couldn't argue with her. While on the other side I saw Kak Iyash standing up without saying anything, I hated to see his face, so I decided to be closed in Mama's arms, but, unlucky, his face was reflected, his sentence was ringing. He told me not to talk about love.

Slowly I let go of Mama's embrace and Mama picked up a plate of rice that she had flush with soup sauce, a piece of beef and syur floating above it.

“Icha can eat by yourself.” I took the bowl and ate it without regard to anyone. Until slowly everyone left and left me, Mama, Aunt Ira and Brother Iyash.

“Rahma, we have to talk, let Iyash take care of Icha.”

Mama sighed and slowly got up. I was surprised to look at him. I know that Mama would mind leaving me alone with that guy. However, Mama still went to follow Aunt Ira and left us.

My food feels so bad. Chewing is reluctant too.

“Where to?” ask the man without seeing my condition.

“Buck shit,” snorted me while getting up and putting the plate on the sofa, then going to his room. I took a towel and went into the bathroom. No matter what happens, maybe I should try again.

Unfortunately I can't forget what happened this morning, but when I jumped from the waterfall, I could forget it even for a moment, maybe it was because I was just thinking about my own life.