Distance to Heart
P a r t 6
Before my time in charge ends in this village. Like Mariana said last time. I really did my job as the mother of my baby well. Not to forget, I did another job. That is, being a medical officer in Puskesmas sub-district. It feels really hard to do both at the same time. However, Mariana's support as well as Nurbaiti's help to babysit. Really helped me.
Both of those tasks I also run well and balanced of course. My love and affection for this baby is growing. It was so hard for me to leave him. Life will be separated from it, how long? As a mother, I'm not willing to give this baby to anyone else to take care of her.
However, I made a promise to myself and Nurbaiti. In order to care for and nurture this baby with love and affection like his own biological child. Although just imagining it has made me tight in the chest. I am helpless as a woman, a mother, and my love for parents is more than anything. Perhaps only God can overcome my love for them.
Every time I breastfeed this baby, I can't describe the feelings I feel. In this moment it feels so amazing. Really warm crept to the bottom of the heart, overwhelmed with affection, love soaring in this baby boy, flesh and blood born from my own womb.
***
As planned six months passed, with a heavy heart I had to hand this baby over to Nurbaiti and her husband. It's hard to part with her, after what I've felt all along with this baby. Especially now that he is six months old, being funny, and able to interact. Every day with him always makes the bond between me and this baby more formed is very strong. Maybe, because me and this baby are mothers and biological children.
Even so I must hold fast to my promise. I realized what I had planned two years ago. Returning home after the end of the term of duty then worked at Puskesmas where I had applied previously as a general practitioner in the area near the house. Later I will take S2 school and take a specialist degree. To support my future career as a doctor .
For the past two years I have served as a general practitioner in a remote area, although not as beautiful as what I had imagined and bad experiences happened to me, so it traumatized me a little. However, because of that experience, which now makes me a far stronger woman in living life. Because I have to be more vigilant and careful to be close to others even though that person is my own best friend.
I left the remote village alone. Not with Mariana because the girl prefers to stay there. He said he was comfortable living in the village. Every officer who completed his work. There will be a replacement who is prepared to become a medical officer. The one who took my place was called Rica Darwani. In addition to replacing my position as a general practitioner at Puskesmas sub-district. He will also be staying together at the official house with Mariana.
***
I just left my home and family yesterday. Now I'm back in the capital. Back to the home region, where I was born, grew up and lived with both parents and sister. A childhood home full of stories. Nothing has changed, everything is the same there. It's still like when I last stayed before my apprenticeship as a doctor in that remote area. However, in one part of my heart there was something that always made me miss and remember that remote village.
Somehow calling it, longing for the atmosphere, a society that upholds cooperation, gotong royong, and simplicity, and the most important thing in this longing is that I miss my baby, a baby almost a year old. The baby I gave birth to was full of struggle, between life and death. I understand at this time the baby is in the phase of growing golden age. However, I was sad that I couldn't see the moment.
His voice, smile, and behavior seemed to be opium every time I quality time together. To be honest, there was a desire to take the baby back from Nurbaiti's hands. I'm going to be frank with the family about the baby that was my biological child.
But every courage that appears, in a few minutes will change completely, when it comes to the health of the mother. How could I possibly be so frank, if I already had a child. Moreover, my current status is still single and unmarried. You can immediately die standing up when you hear the harsh reality.
While my father always prides himself. Because of everything he commanded, I will do without ever commenting on what else to argue. Even when he asked me to be a doctor. Especially when he knew if I wanted to continue my education to S2 and take a specialist degree in obstetrics or Obstetrics and Gynaecology (Sp OG).
Dad looked so happy and he was grateful for what I was doing. Although there is actually a big secret that I still hide from the family. I don't know when I'll open it all? I gave the baby to Nurbaiti and her husband. However, it cannot be denied. This little heart always said that if one day I wanted to admit the baby and live with my beloved husband into one happy family.
Every time I bow down and pray, I only want a faithful and patient man who will live with me, spend my old age together and be able to accept my past that my family alone does not yet know the truth. Although often looks cheerful. However, I am actually fragile when it comes to that bad experience, the pregnancy I've been hiding, and the baby I have to give up on others to care for. It all seemed to be my weak point, because all of that I experienced and I buried myself with deep fear.
So when I decided to continue the study program for S2 and specialists, I prefer to be a gynecologist or Obstetrics and Gynaecology (Sp OG). Because my experience of having been pregnant and giving birth made me motivated to want to help many people, especially poor people.
I want to be like Mariana, who has helped bring my baby into the world. Patiently and deftly he helped me in labor one year ago. If no one had helped him then, whether I was alive or in another realm.
Really at that time, I could only give up. Because he was not strong and almost gave up. Fatigue due to running out of energy is the main factor, but the calm and supportive attitude of Mariana and Nurbaiti gave me new ammunition and strength so that I was strong again to be able to give birth to my baby in the world safely.
Seriate...
Hii... As per the reader's request, I updated the story for the second time. Sorry if there are disappointed readers. Hope this writing is useful. Greetings from the Yellow Bucket.
