The Pending Wait

Just daily

The day changed again but everything still felt the same, I was confused what I should do with this situation.

It doesn't feel like two months have passed since Dinda left me and her last phone.

Circumstances where I want to be together but it's hard, want to be far away but I can't I, feel trapped in these circumstances.

Moreover, your news is increasingly fading.

Like a light that no longer shines.

You left without excuse without speaking without a message.

And you never gave me the slightest word and then what should I do.

how do you think I can live this without you. Because I've gotten used to living with your sweet smile.

And now that you're gone, no one else can give me a sweet smile and say good morning when the sun comes up.

or remind me to have breakfast or wait for me down the street waving my hands.

Then what about you, were you there thinking about me.

Seeking or missing me is far from your sight.

I hope so, but not either.

I hope you miss me like I miss you but if you feel the pain I feel better you don't have to miss me because I don't want to burden your mind with this longing.

Let me be the one who is limped without you here, waiting with a conviction that we will be together again and will never be separated again.

This morning was still bright even though my heart was not as bright as this morning, I who was shrouded with a sense of wanting to see you could not display a smile on my face properly.

And I'm not used to lying, yeah maybe lying to myself I'm used to but I can't just act like a normal person.

"You why Momo?" Ask Zakia who is right behind me.

Yes he is a loyal passenger who always waits for me in the morning.

"Son, it's nothing." Flat answer.

"If you're sad, tell me who knows I can help." His words offered to give spirit.

But it's not that easy, his speech will only make me more anxious.

"Are you lonely because you've been single?!" Say Zakia again.

"How do you mean!" My toot.

"Yes, you're single." Said Zakia again.

Maybe he felt that way because he never saw me with Dinda.

"I have a boyfriend, his name is Dinda." My answer.

He also fell silent.

Long story short we arrived at Zakia's school and I showed her a picture of Dinda and at that time she just smiled as if there was something she was thinking.

But because I don't want to bother with him I went straight to my school.

Arriving in class I also opened the phone to turn off the ringtone of the phone and change to vibrate mode so as not to interfere with the lesson and also not caught by the teacher.

And there were two messages from Zakia that were unpleasant.

"I'm sorry Momo don't take it personally but stop being shy." fill in the first message.

"That Chinese picture you took on the internet, hahaha."

A message that makes me smile wryly.

I don't have to deal with this but I'm upset that I said halu.

He thinks I'm lying and imaginary as if I had an imaginary boyfriend like Dinda.

But.

But maybe he's right I'm a bad person because even to this day I don't know where Dinda is.

Oh, never mind, just because there's no news of me suffering this.

I should have been wise to this, especially if I knew clearly that he was sick.

But what if he was cured and indeed deliberately left.

Or really want to stay away from me.

Jeez keeping quiet in this dilemma is driving me crazy.

I often think of strange things about my relationship with Dinda.

Even my concentration of learning was disturbed because I kept thinking about it.

My face was always gloomy at school and also not eager to do anything.

**

It doesn't feel like months and days are changing and I still miss you.

A determination to move up or stay in class.

I don't know how many months Dinda's been gone.

All I know is I miss him no matter what.

Even this longing I poured into a song called "ALONE NIGHT"

A song with all the feelings in my heart.

I recorded it on my phone and I posted it on the YouTube site and I told it little by little while pouring this feeling.

"Tonight I sat alone."

"Enjoy the beautiful moonlight."

"And all the stars blink.."

"Makes me miss."

"The girl of dreams I love."

"And right now he's not next to me."

That's a little bit of the lyric part and once I pour this feeling and all I hope is that you can listen to it.

The exam was over I went straight home and no longer practiced band.

I decided to stop and ask them to find a replacement for you.

I can no longer practice, my heart feels uncomfortable and I find it difficult to concentrate.

Although disappointed they understood and accepted my decision to leave the band.

And now I live alone without a lover without a band.

This solitude is fun if you look at it in other ways.

But I'm not really alone, there is Zakia who often chat with me because of hitchhiking at school.

But there is no other feeling except friends, only friends, that's how I consider it now.

As usual, he was waiting for me at the end of the road.

"Mom.!" Call her.

Right he was waiting for me, he was like a regular customer who had an Unlimited card that had no timeframe.

I crossed over and he got up from his seat.

He smiled happily and yes his smile was still as sweet as the time in SD.

The difference was I was crazy about him and now.

And now I am.!

I was confused by how I felt about him.

I don't know if I hope it's just.

She's just a pretty woman in the back seat of my bike who's always hitchhiking and I'm glad she hitchhiked.

"Think what?" Asked Zakia who was confused to see the look on my lethargic and strange face.

"It's nothing." My answer.

"Through these 6 months you look lethargic" Zakia said "Are you losing your life."

"Yes, I was thinking about my imaginary girl" I answered.

And he laughed when he heard it.

As if he knew everything he was advising me, but it didn't look like advice but was more like mocking.

"Listen Momo stop that, don't live in a dream you'll never achieve, come out and wake yourself up, you don't fit in with him."

Sounds evil but it makes sense.

"You still can't believe my words." My answer.

"Prove it first."

"Can't, he's gone all the way back to his village."

"It's a shame, it's a pity that your life has become a gini cake."

"It's up to you, I'm honest." I answered and then I kept quiet and didn't respond again.

He kept raving about my Dinda which he called a mere hallucination.

I'm tired of convincing him he can no longer say anything.

*****