The House in the Middle of Sawah

Duka

"What's Lik?," I'm still a little sleepy, as if my life hasn't been collected all the while receiving a call from Lik Diran.

"Cepet to Hospital. Now Dan!," Lik Diran sounded impatient, and hung up.

I felt something was wrong, immediately grabbed Thor's key and ran out of the studio. Amel who was on morning broadcast duty, just came to look at me in wonder. I don't care about it. I immediately boarded Thor and drove to the Hospital.

The sky somehow looks more somber than yesterday. Cloudy looks clumped at the end of the boundary of the eye view up there. I thought the rainy season was over, but it looks like heavy rain is coming today. Lightning looks bluffing in the distance. As if giving a warning to people who are on the move outside to not forget the raincoat or umbrella.

I was walking through the Hospital parking lot paving when one or two grains of sky water dropped in the form of a fine point. The cold drizzle slowly descended. I ran a little into the hospital. Down the hallway, which somehow feels longer than usual. My heart beat faster, there was a worry I couldn't express. It was as if I could guess what thought would welcome me at the end of the hall, but I tried to deny it.

The door of the room where you are in the care of is seen in front there. I'm accelerating my pace. I entered the room 4 x 5 meters. There were 2 nurses standing in front of my bed. One of the female nurses was hugging Ibuk. While Lik Diran was whispering something in the ears of the Father.

The father who looks thin, looks paled. I was standing next to Lik Diran. Now it is clear what Lik Diran tried to whisper into the ears of the Father. I touched Dad's feet, really surprised by what I thought. The feet are so cold. I was stunned to not be able to say a word. In the next few moments, my eyes were closed. You are gone, forever.

I sat weak. I don't know why these tears won't come. Is this a dream? I slapped my cheek a few times, it hurt but somehow my chest felt a lot more pain. Lightning and thunder sounded earthy sahutan, drizzle sounds heard louder and louder replaced with rain hitting the zinc roof of the garden courtyard Hospital. The boisterous and bustling voice that is able to muffle every cry of sadness until it is not heard from the outside.

"Patient Dan . .," Lik Diran clasped me tightly, sobbing. My tears still won't drip. If there is happiness and laughter to make you cry, then now is the sorrow that is so great that it takes away tears.

It was in my mind, how it was a quarrel, a debate between me and my father. I've put your name on the list of people I hate the most. I haven't had time to apologize for all my mischief and mistakes.

There were so many bad things I said to her at the time, so much anger I felt towards her. Now my regrets, and my apologies will never reach his ears. Lik Diran took off her arms, sitting next to me. So did Ibuk who was sitting on the floor a little far behind me with the nurse who poured drinking water on him.

The rain sounded increasingly heavy, in the corner of my heart still wishing that this was just a dream.

* * *

After the funeral, I still feel that this moment is not a reality. Some friends have come, said condolences and encouraged me. I didn't talk to them a word. I'm still in my daydream, I just want to be alone.

Rain continues to fall on the surface of the earth. I sat on the front porch of Lik Diran's house. staring at the sky with its blackened cloud. When the cold rain fell on my skin, I realized that this was not a dream. This is the real reality. And finally with the rain coming back, my tears dripping, I cried noiselessly.

My world has collapsed. The last desire of the Father to dismantle the house urung realized. Now imagine the moment of my togetherness with the Father, the goodness of the Father who always forgets when anger is in my heart. The good that was covered by my hatred for no reason now recalls. A father who is always proud of his son. Now there are only regrets in front of me. The regret of this end had hated him. Regret for accusing him of not being. Regret has not been able to make him happy. Seeing me graduate, holding a college degree is my dream. But before that happened, he was gone forever.

Lik Diran who saw me, quickly grabbed the umbrella and approached me, paddling me.

"Expose your sadness, but pay attention to your condition as well" Lik Diran spoke without looking at me.

"Don't till you get sick. Right now, you're the only man in your little family. Men can cry, they have the right to cry. But do not let the sadness dissolve. Stare Dan, your Mother and Sister need you" Lik Diran patted my shoulder.

I was sobbing more, maybe I did not have time to say my apologies to you directly. But in my heart I promise to make it up to you. I'll take care of my mom and sister. I will make them both happy. Mikul dhuwur mendhem. I'll make you proud, look at me from up there. A promise I made to myself in my heart. I wiped my tears. Lik Diran grabbed me, shaking my shoulder.

"How busy is sister Lik?," I asked Lik Diran, remembering that I had not seen Ibuk and Adik. I was too busy daydreaming and pensive, not caring about my surroundings.

"Your sister is not pa pa pa, not yet understand also still small. She's the same old Miss Minah toy. If your mom looks like she's still shaken. In the room continues, just now did not tell the neighbor to nemenin here," Lik Diran explained. The rain was still quite heavy with occasional thunder booming.

I walked back inside the house, looking for Ibuk. He was in the room with some people who could only sit up. Nobody spoke a word.

"Buukk . .," I called Ibuk lirih. I was seen sleeping on my side, behind me and people. I looked up, looked at me and tried to sit down. Both of his eyes were very badly puffy.

"Here Lee. . .," Mother asked me to come closer.

I approached, crouching my head on Ibuk's lap. I'm stroking my hair.

"Your father wes no Lee . ., Ibuk does not know how our fate will be in the future. How's your college, how's the milk, maem your sister. Ibb . . . Ibuk had nothing else Lee . .," Ibuk's voice rang out. Grain of warm tears fell onto my cheek. I'm taking a breath.

"Don't think Buukk. There's a way, believe me. I also have work. Anyway, I promised myself. I'll take care of Ibuk with Sister. I'll make you proud" I tried to smile, looking at Ibuk. I strengthen myself, must not look weak in front of Ibuk at this time.

She hugged me, held me. The crying broke back. A loud cry that broke the silence. The crying that sounded and felt cut my heart.

One thing I believe in, life is like a piece of currency. Two different sides in a circle of life. The sad side and the happy side. If today you are hurt and grieving, rest assured that tomorrow will come laughter and happiness.

. . . . . .