The Halal Love

42

For if I imitate the greed of the rain which rests upon the clouds, then you will only be a storm which I did not expect.

*****

The night reached a silent peak of scales. The stars are scattered in the thick of the night ceiling. Seven, three, one, sirius shines brightest, as if he were the most beautiful.

Samuel leaned his head behind the pillar. His eyes closed, occasionally he let out a heavy sigh. His head was full of things that were terrible. Two cups of black coffee toilet and leaving only the dregs.

It's been over a month, since the last time Nisa asked him to stay away. And it still feels the same, thousands of chaos still swirling inside his head. Although Samuel tried to look calm, but deep in his heart, like there was a big rock pressing that did not want to be lost.

Samuel had tried many times to ignore all things about Nisa, but nil, instead of disappearing, just everything about the girl lingered eternally in his memory.

Letting go of something that takes us a step away from our comfort zone is no easy feat. But maintaining in the moment he insisted on letting go was foolishness.

"Bro, tomorrow there's an act of resisting agrarian reform, lu join?" Fathur tried to start a conversation with Samuel after more than an hour of his colleague looking unusual.

Samuel only responded with a murmur. Fathur, who felt that Samuel was in "Sengkol back" mode again, finally chose to ignore and rejoin the tongkrongan children who were discussing action readiness tomorrow.

*****

"Samuel has never found you?"

Nisa looked over at a glance when she felt the question was thrown at her. After that he just floated the response in the form of a headband.

Seeing that, Sarah snorted. He had expected that Nisa would never discuss Samuel further. Ever since Nisa decided to stay away from Samuel, the girl had never again come into contact with the issue of romance. Sarah did not know whether her best friend had closed her heart or was recovering her wounded heart. For all she knows, Nisa still likes Samuel, although many times the girl is reluctant to know anything about him.

"When did you marry Alfian?" Nisa shifted the subject.

Sarah raised both eyebrows, as if she did not understand the sentence Nisa had just uttered.

"My question was wrong, huh?" Nisa put on her innocent face.

Sarah rolled both her eyes, puffed up. "No need to discuss the topic. We're talking about Samuel, not Alfian."

Nisa got up from her seat, she really did not want to hear anything about Samuel. Everything related to the man only made his wounds even more gaping.

"Samuel will resign from his post."

Nisa stopped her steps. His head refused to think of Samuel, but his heart could not be lied to. There was still a glimmer of hope, which, though very dim, he could still see.

"You don't feel like the decision has anything to do with you?"

Nisa sculpting. His heart was as if it had been doused by a pile of ice. He's not shivering, really. It's just that his heart is numb. His entire body was numb.

"Nis, let's think about your decision again." Sarah knew she was standing next to Nisa.

"I don't want my love for God to be defeated because of the love for His being." Nisa could feel both of her eyelids heating up.

"It's not like that, Nis. But let's see how far Samuel's changed in knowing you. Anyway I'm sure, you can definitely put your love according to the portion." Sarah held onto both of Nisa's shoulders, "You carry a lot of positives in one's life. You can't just walk away, because someone is losing their way. Yesterday Vika nyariin you, in nanya do you same Samuel there is a problem. Because the last few weeks, Samuel's changed. If he had been looking for the nearest way to love God, today he insisted on forgetting God."

A single tear escaped Nisa's eyes. His heart is in tremendous pain. He did not want to believe that the reason Samuel had changed was him. Shouldn't he be grateful, for having shown Samuel the true attitude before he knew him any further? He should be relieved, because the questions that always revolve in his head at this time have been answered. Samuel changed not because of God, but because of himself. Doesn't Nisa hate that kind of attitude? But somehow, his heart just like in the shreds knowing it. Nisa did want to leave him, but she did not want to see Samuel change at all. He did not want to see the man stray any further than before. Really, that's not what he expected.

"I know, Nis. You must be worried. As your best friend, I didn't mean to plunge. It's just, I want to show that you are someone's hope. Although I know, you must hate it, you hate it because you finally know that Samuel changed just because he expected you. But let's see, the impact it has on your departure. Maybe you can fix it before you actually make a decision."

"You remember the story of the Prophet Joseph and Zulaicha, Rah?" Nisa spoke while suppressing all her pain.

"Yes?"

"When Zulaikha pursued the love of Joseph, Joseph turned away from him. But when Zulaicha turned away from Joseph and came close to Allah, Allah brought Joseph for him." Nisa tried to bury the entire wound. All along, what he believed in had never disappointed him. "I want to be Zulaikha, but on the other hand, I want Samuel like the Prophet Joseph first. It wasn't Samuel who forgot God."

*****

Pizza has always been a favorite food of Vika since long ago and in the midst of bad feelings because of Samuel. Since learning that Samuel was planning to resign from his post, and not receiving any further news afterwards, the girl's mood had completely deteriorated. The bustling KKN makes it not so know the condition of BEM and all involved in it. Until yesterday, he was presented with news about Samuel who had crazy intentions.

The girl decided to raise the mood by eating pizza at the Mall near the Campus. Today he made an appointment with Samuel to meet. He swore he would throw Samuel into the piranha pool if he did not come to see him. How not, Vika has lowered her self-esteem by pleading with her team's Coordinator to be allowed to mabal in proker hours on the grounds that there are important things that she must complete. Actually Vika does not lie, after all everything related to BEM is important to him, including Samuel.

While enjoying the third slice of pizza, Vika is shocked by the presence of someone who suddenly pulls a chair in front of her. She looked at Vika with both eyes, while her long hair was allowed to unravel, making Vika want to grab her in one pull. "Why would you meet at a kayak gini place? Fancy really eat funny at the Mall." Not-yet in already commented with his voice that made Vika quickly rise in blood.

"Heh foal, you instantly clear all. Don't do most of the pleasantries." Vika slapped a punch using her sling bag to Samuel's shoulder. Makes the man cry meaninglessly.

"Well, you know, my parents are horses." Samuel teases Vika who looks grumbling.

Vika clucked, "Lo why would you resign?" Ask without aling.

Samuel let out a rough breath, then smiled. The smile that actually looks very irritating in Vika's eyes. "Later, yeah. I just came here. Thirsty. Pesenin gih drinks."

Vika grunts. "Lo lo fancy eating-eating funny in a ginian place." Insinuations.

Samuel chuckled, "But I want to drink, not eat. Partial in the treaty. The wind cannot be refused."

Vika rolled both her eyes lazily. But he did not stop, he obeyed Samuel's will as well.

"Udah, a piece of the story." Vika Bills.

Samuel leaned his back against the chair. He folded both hands on his chest. "What story do you want to hear? If the issue of resignation is obvious." Plain talk.

"So really?"

Samuel raised an eyebrow, then let out a rough breath. "Gue felt I could no longer defend my position." Pause for a moment, before Samuel finally spoke again. "Many things I can't do to do my job properly. After all, being a deputy leader must also be competent. It can be a role model for those who are led. While me?" Samuel laughing. More like laughing at himself. "What role can I give to the friends I lead? College is a mess. And I feel like I'm more worthy of being a regular student than helping Fatur lead you."

"Who said you were incompetent all this time? You have done your duties and obligations well. If it's a matter of college, it's okay, I admit you have the most trouble with it. But if for your duties as deputy leader, you never ignore. Always numbering all together above everything. Don't be shallow-minded, you are very much in need at BEM. I don't know, what after this BEM can find a replacement who is your competition. Who would willingly leave personal affairs for the business of many."

Samuel raised his head after a few seconds of bowing. He showed a smile towards Vika. "Many are better than me. I'm sure. The more competent, the more powerful, and certainly very suitable to be a partner of Fathur."

Vika squinted at Samuel. "Don't tell me you want to digundurin yourself because there's a problem with Fathur?!." Vika clucking. "That's a big plug, like a baby."

"That said there was a problem with Kunyuk who was Zubaidah?" Samuel threw a roll of tissue at Vika, making the girl snort.

The conversation halted when a waitress came to bring a tray containing a glass of Cappucino.

"Thank you." Vika friendly.

Pramusaji immediately resigned his retreat after allowing visitors to enjoy the dishes he served.

"Lo try it, think again about your crazy decision." Vika is still trying to resuscitate Samuel who he thinks is losing his way at this time.

Samuel put down his Cappuccino glass. "Gue had already made the most careful consideration before deciding on this matter." Her speech.

Vika sighed in frustration, "Lo why the hell?! I don't know what problem you have. But please don't associate your problem with BEM. Professional, Sam!"

Samuel folded his arms around his chest, "It is precisely because I want to be professional that I am out of office."

Vika drank her tea lemon to cool her hot heart. Samuel really made it up a lot of tension.

"Is this related to Nisa?"

Samuel threw a sharp glare at Vika. But it only lasted a split second, after which he smiled obliquely. "Lo why the hell, a hobby really hooks something that has no correlation?"

"Gue never heard from Nisa after telling me about her. Then suddenly there is bad news to my ears. 3 years more I know lo, lo, there's never been a single woman who can make you laugh and cringe more clearly than Nisa."

"Lo fuck Nisa, Vik?" Ask Samuel.

Vika waver, she didn't mean to blame Nisa, really. "No, I just wanted to make sure."

Samuel breathed a heavy sigh. "It has nothing to do with Nisa. I'm just like him, I don't like him anymore. But if according to you the cause I cut myself from the position because of him, you are wrong. I'm not that baperan." Her speech.

Vika let out a rough breath. He knew, spoke and convinced Samuel that when the man was struggling with his arguments nothing would result. "OK, it's up to you. But you should be able to find a replacement before you officially resign. And don't ever vacate your position before that replacement comes along." Vika stands. He didn't want to be with Samuel for too long, which was there, his tension really went up.

*****

The ceiling of the room was pitch black without any illumination, leaving Samuel riveted. During his life, he was not an imaginative type of person like Vika. Nor is it a man who follows too much the flow of life like Fathur. He is only a brained man full of analogies because too often swallow readings that invite him to think critically and act rationally. If they were all stars, then he was the dimest of the two, yet still beautifully shone when gathered together.

Samuel let out a heavy sigh, too many things were entrenched in his head at this moment. He tried to finish and eliminate one by one, but instead of missing, all just increasingly cheered laughing at his weakness.

His desire to resign from office is not a mere prank he did because he was bored. He had really considered everything before making a decision. Why does everyone seem to not believe this decision?

Samuel got up from the bed. He intends to move to retrieve the resignation letter he made three days ago. His eyes were accidentally fixed on an object that was never touched again.

He smiled when it was in his hand. He never left that thing before. Wherever he went, it always hung with honor in his bag. Especially when his mind was chaotic and agitated like now, it was always his escape to calm down. But that was before. When God feels so close to his life. Just tell me, he's a hypocrite. Samuel never minded being called that. Because it's true. God was never in his heart. All this time he was just pretending. And stupidly, he just realized it now.

Nisa is just an intermediary. The mediator who draws himself closer to God. He said that he felt close to God, because he could see God in Nisa. So when the girl decided to leave, the Lord also disappeared from her sight.

Samuel laughed at himself. Too petty indeed it feels, if he changed just because of someone, not God. But what to say, if it's true that's how it is.

Look how excited he is to be close to God. And look now, how the spirit faded away even gone. He is the most sinful creature. But is sin caused because God easily plays the destiny of one's life? To Samuel, the essence of God is like a fairy tale.

*****

+628012345678

Ting..

The screen of Nisa's phone turned on, and immediately showed a notification of an incoming message. Sarah who was accompanying him ate at the Kepo Hospital Canteen instantly. Moreover, Sarah had glanced at Nisa's phone located on the table. "There's an SMS, Nis. I don't think it's from the provider or Mama asked for a pulse." He was relaxed but straightened.

+628012345678

Ting…

Nisa's phone is back on, and it still shows notifications from the same number.

"From who the hell? I think it's important, until it's connected via sms." Sarah is still in the shoes.

Finally Nisa relented, then picked up the phone lying on the table.

+628912345678

Hello Nisa. It's me Vika. When are there empty times? If I may see you.

+628012345678

There's something I want to discuss with you.

"Why did you meet me?" Sarah was near Nisa. His head also looked at the contents of the SMS contained in Nisa's phone.

In a hurry, Nisa turned off her phone screen. He put the phone back to its original place, then again busy with his food.

"You want to meet him?" I swear to the rest of the world and the rest of it, Sarah was really very annoying when her lady syndrome was on.

Nisa lazily responded. He just slicked his shoulders indifferently.

Sarah finally gave up. He let out a rough breath, then refocused on his ice doger. "Eh Nis, tomorrow the proker is only until 12. Empty free. You don't want guidance?"

Nisa glances at Sarah at a glance, "May." Briefly talk.

Sarah who felt smothered immediately washed her lips for a moment. He felt that Nisa was in "Irit by the way." mode." Which means you can't joke.

*****

Nisa had just stepped out of Mr. Arif's room, when Sarah suddenly pulled her hand and walked in haste.

"Rah, why the hell?" Nisa tries to protest. But the protest was not ignored at all by Sarah. The girl dragged Nisa.

Sarah leads Nisa to the main fence of the Campus. Along the way, several people were seen running. Especially when they are close to the main fence. The atmosphere is really murky in the quarter of the fence. Some students, both wearing almet jackets and not, flocked to stone police or whatever. The same thing is done by police officers who are fending off these attacks while occasionally trying to subvert students. The sight is so horrible. What Nisa can see, there are three parties involved there, namely students, police, and street vendors.

Most college students who scream are those who often hang out on the edge of the front sidewalk at times. It seems they are only protecting their personal interests. Lie once if they are fighting for street vendors so that they will lose their jobs. Of course, let alone those street vendors leaving, they would lose their tongkrongan place.

Some students wearing alamamater jackets with the emblem of the Student Executive Board were seen trying to calm the situation. Their instructions were not at all.

About 5 minutes later, when Nisa and Sarah were still busy observing from the safest place near the Satpam post, Nisa saw the atmosphere began to differ. There were angry booming voices asking for the entire student to retreat backwards in an orderly manner. The voice came from the tall body of Samuel who began combing the streets along with his partner who Nisa knew as the leader of BEM. Both wear the same almet with the emblem of the Student Executive Board.

"Reverse woy! Turn around! Meeting inside! You're students, don't be like uneducated people playing this kind of violence! Behind everything!!!"

The group of students that Nisa saw most excitedly pelting the police officer was now one of them spoke up, "Silence lo dog! Lo bela oknum police?! Lo also likes to hang out here, continue because you want to submit to the government now you belain police and this five-footed traffickers are kicked out of here?"

Instead of being angry, Nisa sees Samuel walking closer to the students, then talks about what. And they had a long discussion that ended with a handshake, and the students walked into the campus. Nisa was still watching closely the process.

A security guard who is now standing next to Nisa and Sarah also commented, "Finally, this is also a problem. Try from earlier Mas Samuel came, the campus security will not be defeated. Just this time the campus is rumbling like gini."

"Who started first, sir?" Sarah and her soul are in action.

"Children who often hang out in the shop street vendors the same BEM Fisip. Samuel Mas is actually a child of Fisip, he also likes to hang out there, so it's best if he calms things down." The guard looked to admire Samuel.

"Why are you guys here? Are you fighting with Satpol pp?" Suddenly the security guard asked in a judgmental tone to Nisa and Sarah.

Sarah hurriedly shook her head, "No, sir. Just watch it. I'm curious." Sarah answered while displaying her trademark grin.

"Ah basic women, really like if you squirm there is a commotion like gini. Continue to be made into gossip." The satpam sindir. Then he was busy writing down what was in the notebook. Maybe today's incident report.

Nisa was just about to run away leaving Sarah, when a very unhappy-sounding voice rebuked her. "Sina?"

"Yes?" Nisa looked at the owner of the voice that turned out to be none other than Samuel. The man curled his hair until it resembled the figure of Wiro Sableng.

Samuel walked over, making Nisa's heart beat violently. Sarah who had been watching since could only put on her smiling face.

"Remain here?" The sound was like a pile of ice being melted. So cold.

Nisa swallowed her hard-earned saliva. He did not answer, instead throwing his eyes in the other direction.

"So watch the brawlers." The answer came from Sarah.

"There is no tv at home? Until such brawls you consider spectacle and entertainment." Sarcase. Samuel found something in his pocket. As soon as the thing that came out of the man's pocket was caught by Nisa's eyes, how shocked she was. What Samuel took out was cigarettes. Samuel never smoked. As Nisa knows, Samuel hates cigarette smoke.

"Great, Sir?" He thrust the cigarette towards the security guard who was in the post. The security guard grinned, then accepted happily.

Meanwhile, Samuel again ignores Nisa. He picked up a match in his alma mater's pocket, then burned the cigarette already in his hand. One suction, and the smoke immediately billowed in the air. "Mending you guys back to the internship. Or do you still hope that now this is again an ad, then induct the next episode?"

Nisa didn't say anything. He did not want to argue with the sarcasm that Samuel said. Without wasting a long time, he hurried to leave Samuel without saying hello or saying goodbye.

*****

Smokers. It was one of the things Nisa could confirm from Samuel's figure. It is possible that all this time Samuel only pretended to hate objects that contain these addictive substances. Or did Nisa not know the truth that Samuel had been hiding all along.

"I still don't believe it. Samuel was smoking." Sarah turned her body right in front of Nisa. Both are currently at a stop not far from the campus. "I know, yeah. Samuel's not a smoker. Even my friend, the son of Fisip, said that Samuel was the most beautiful if there were people smoking nearby. He said the man took his oxygen."

Nisa's not budging. He didn't want to talk about Samuel with Sarah. Although deep in his heart he was also wondering, but it was not the right thing to talk about the man right now.

"Nis, now you believe me, right, that Samuel changed?"

Nisa threw a glance in any direction.

Sarah let out a rough breath. Understand that his best friend is in a bad mood. He no longer continued his chatter, knowing that it would worsen Nisa's mood.

Nisa reached into the cell phone in her bag. He seemed to be typing something in there.

To: +628012345678

This afternoon I have time. Where do we meet?"

*****

After driving Sarah back to the internship, Nisa returned to the motorcycle to PIM. He texted Vika about her consent to meet the girl. And Vika asked him to come to PIM because the place is not so far from his post.

Nisa parked the vehicle in the parking lot, then immediately moved quickly to enter the large Mall. It didn't take long, because Nisa was quickly able to find Vika's whereabouts waving towards her.

"How are you, Nis?" Sapa Vika's.

Nisa smiled, before finally answering, "Good."

The two engaged in a pleasantry conversation before finally the food and drink they ordered came.

"So, what's up?" Ask Nisa directly.

Vika fixed her sitting position, "Mmm so, sorry before, not that I want to interfere, but I want her, you have the same problem Samuel?"

Nisa tries to keep looking calm, even though deep down her heart is half-dead. Why is everyone talking about Samuel today?

"We have no problem." Nisa answered at that moment. All she knew was that Vika had not known about her closeness to Samuel all this time. He did not want to reveal such things to others.

Vika smiled awkwardly, she understood, Nisa must be reluctant to answer her question honestly. "Nis, I'm sorry. But I know your closeness."

Nisa jerks. He didn't think Vika knew. All this time she thought Sarah was the only person who knew her closeness to Samuel.

"I used to mean Samuel to tell stories." Vika again. "I know I shouldn't have done that. But I used to love Samuel, so I tried to find out anything about him. Including your relationship."

Nisa's not budging. He was not surprised to hear the statement of Vika who very openly admitted to liking Samuel. Because long ago, he knew.

"And seeing Samuel's change now, I'm worried." Vika let out a long sigh, "You know, if Samuel wants to resign from his post?"

Nisa just nodded slowly.

"When he was MABA, Samuel always said, if he had a dream to be vice chairman of BEM. As for me, why not be the chairman? He said, if you become chairman, the responsibility is heavier. The burden of being a good role model is twice as great. And he said, if the figure of himself mugkin alone will not be able to do that. By becoming a representative, he can help lead without having to assume as much responsibility as the chairman. He can help handle everything, even if he has to hide behind the chairman's back. He need not desperately show his image as a good person in front of many people." Vika took a breath for a moment. "During this time, everyone saw the Fathur who worked the hardest in BEM. All the hard work was done by Samuel. Only, he did not want to highlight it to the acknowledgement of many people. Although Fathur repeatedly asked for a change of office, but Samuel refused, under the pretext of being unable. We all know he is more than capable. No man is ever willing to give up all his personal affairs in order to put the interests of many other than Samuel."

Vika smiled miris. "And yesterday, he said he would resign from his post. We all don't have a definite reason behind his decision. I've also found out if there's a problem in BEM as long as I rarely join them, but they say there isn't." Vika clasped Nisa's hand, "I'm asking for help with you, Nis. Please help us all by convincing Samuel that the decision he made was wrong. And even if there is a problem between you, please tell Samuel not to bring the problem into BEM. We don't want him to stop before his term runs out."

Nisa let go of Vika's hand grips slowly. "I have no reason to see Samuel. Maybe it's good to tell yourself."

"Nis, I wouldn't have asked you for help if Samuel had just wanted me to." Vika tries to control her tone to keep her voice sounding normal. "As far as I know, you're the one he's always been listening to."

Nisa closed her eyes. Honestly speaking, his mind was branching out at the moment. Like the simalakama fruit, he did not want to be in touch with anything related to Samuel, but he also did not want to see many people in trouble because of the unilateral decision Samuel made.

"I beg. I wouldn't completely hang on to the hope that Samuel could change his mind because of you. But I want you to try and talk to him."

Okay, Nisa can't see anyone else begging for her help. And what he did afterwards was nod, then agree to Vika's request.