The Halal Love

41

The sky was bright, the stars glittered up there. The night air is also cool. Not as cold as a normal night. The sound of many street buskers on duty, adding to the festive night. They sing freely, entertaining the visitors, even though the voice sounds discordant. Ah, that is the life of Jakarta. Too heavy for people to pass through, but so magnificent in enjoying the rich.

Sarah let out a tired sigh, she observed the buskers as if she were observing herself. It is hard as they are. In the past, Sarah never thought about how her parents worked to make money. But after adulthood, and no longer living with parents, Sarah became aware, that finding money just to buy a mouthful of rice is not easy. He must desperately divide his time best between college and work. Do not ask, how tired it is, because of course Sarah feels tired. He actually wants to be like other children who only focus on college, without thinking about where the cost of UKT in getting and without also thinking about the cost of his brother's education, without thinking about other living expenses. But Sarah has to defend, she has to keep running until the finish line. He must not fall, for the true winner will never stop just because the pebbles are in the way.

Sarah glanced at the sweet circular clock on her wrist. At exactly 8 o'clock. Alfian should have been with him by now. Given the man who made his own promise that it would come right at that hour. Ah basic, no respect for time. Hiss Sarah.

Sarah is currently in a Lesehan restaurant not far from her home. Sarah has the opportunity to choose a place, while Alfian determines the time. But look, Alfian should have been there first. He should be waiting for Sarah. It was not the other way around, Sarah was waiting for him.

"Hi, sorry late. It's jammed."

Alfian took a seat right in front of Sarah. The man looked a little messy, and his breathing was disorganized, making sarah guess, that Alfian came running.

Sarah cleared her throat to neutralize her voice, "No papa. I've also only been here half an hour." Sarah said as if she were insinuating Alfian.

Alfian did not feel offended in the slightest. He chuckled while wiping off the sweat that soaked his forehead with his handkerchief. "so what's up?" Alfian asked on the sidelines of sweat-wiping activities. Damn, even just when wiping sweat alone, the man still looked charming. Astagfirullah, Sarah was privileged in the heart. It can't be enchanted, the pokikiknya can't.

Sarah is back, "Mmm.. So like this, I accepted Mas's proposal."

Alfian stopped the movement of wiping the sweat.

"But with one condition." Sarah again.

"What?" Alfian stared intensely at Sarah.

"We have to go through ta'aruf for 40 days."

Alfian frowned, "What time? Ta'a..."

"Ta'aruf." Connect Sarah quickly.

"What does ta'aruf mean?" alfian asked, not understanding.

Sarah had guessed, how could a man like Alfian understand such a term. "Ta'aruf means the introduction period. Because we have not known for too long, then I want us to have a special time to get to know each other before stepping into a more serious level" said Sarah.

Alfian nodded his head, "May. Is that his only condition?"

Sarah hastily added, "during ta'aruf's time, I have the right to ask anything of you. I mean, I'm free to tell you to do religious activities. Such as prayer, teaching, and others. I personally monitor his progress. I wouldn't, if I had a priest who doesn't understand religion. Since a priest is in charge, I want a leader who is not only capable of the world, but also capable of the achherat." Said Sarah.

Alfian was silent for a moment, after which a smile rose from both ends of the corners of his lips. At this moment for some reason, there was a warmth surrounding his heart. The warmth came from Sarah who was so kind as to take Alfian to goodness.

But another case with Sarah, the girl actually repeatedly said istighfar in her heart. He apologized to God, as well as Alfian, but he could not say anything directly to Alfian. Sarah felt sinful, because in the marriage she planned, she actually took the basis of benefits in it. He approved Alfian's proposal not because he liked the man. But all for the sake of Arini, and the continuation of his life. Arini will soon complete her High School education and soon her sister will step on the bench. And Arini says she's eager to major in the guise. Medical majors are majors that do not play games, and of course Sarah requires a lot of money. There was no way he could let Arini not continue his education. He would never be able to kill the dream of his only brother. And after thinking long and experiencing inner upheaval long enough, Sarah finally accepted Alfian's proposal. Only by sacrificing himself to live with Alfian, he can realize Arini's ideals, and of course make his life and his sister become worthy.

Alfian smiled, a smile so sincere. Sarah had never seen such a smile of Alfian before. And that smile just ripped Sarah's heart apart. He really felt like he was sinning right now. God, forgive Sarah for using someone's sincerity. Sarah bowed, no longer able to look Alfian in the eye. Sarah realized one thing, there was no lie in those eyes. All Sarah saw was sincerity.

*****

Samuel sighed many times and threw it away violently. With full determination, the man walked towards Nisa's house. He was determined that he would apologize to the girl and choose himself completely. He promises to completely erase Alila from her heart, memory, and life.

Samuel knocked on the door of Nisa's house, which looked lonely. But he was sure that Nisa was inside. He even memorized Nisa's schedule. In the morning he taught at Pesantren, during the afternoon until evening, he was busy with campus affairs. On the night after Maghrib, he was busy muroja'ah with Ustadzah Hanum, or other santri-santri. And after Isha, he will be at home, taking care of Aya and doing college chores.

Samuel knocked on the door. And the sound of the doorknob opening made Samuel turn around. He saw Nisa who was staring at him with a shocked expression, but it did not last long. Because after that the girl instantly changed her expression to flat.

"Assalamu'alaikum." Sapa Samuel's.

Nisa replied to Samuel's greeting in a small voice, barely even audible.

"Sorry I came all of a sudden. Since this afternoon I have called you not to answer." Samuel.

Nisa sighed softly, she cleared her throat to neutralize her mood. "What's wrong?" tanyanya direct.

"mmm... We'll talk while we sit down, shall we?"

Without saying much, Nisa immediately took a seat in front of the house. When Samuel visited, Nisa never allowed him to enter the house, unless there was an Abinya. But if calculated, Samuel rarely visited his house, only a few times. Even sometimes he did not stop by, just visiting the Pesantren, learning to teach with Ustadz Agam.

"Nisa. I'm sorry." The sentence became the opening after a long moment of silence encompassed the two. "I admit, I was wrong. Shouldn't I let a woman who isn't a mahram hug me."

Nisa still hasn't budged. He looked down, counting the little ants that passed in rows.

"Sina." Call Samuel.

Nisa muttered, without lifting a single glance.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Ask Samuel again.

Nisa let out a heavy breath, then raised her head. "When climbing, it feels like nothing is higher than the mountain that is climbed. But after looking at one thing, it turns out that there is nothing higher than a woman's ego." Nisa is a riddle. "The woman's ego is very high, even so high, Sayyidah Aisyah even broke the bowl in front of the other wife of the Prophet because she felt jealous."

Samuel was silent, before he finally started to open his voice again. "What did the Prophet do then?"

"Rasulullah spoiled Sayyidah Aisyah then pinched his wife's nose. So Sayyidah Aisyah was also destroyed."

"What do you mean I should do that too?"

Nisa sighed again, then threw it away violently, "You can't do that. For I am not Sayyidah Aisha, and you are not the Messenger of Allah."

Samuel sighed bitterly, "Does that mean you won't forgive me?"

Nisa shook her head, "I forgive you, even long before you have any intention of apologizing to me."

"Sina." Call Samuel softly.

"I don't want to beat around the bush, Sam. Now that I've decided, I no longer want to accept your call to commit. Choose a woman who is better than me."

Samuel shook his head quickly, "No, Nis. Everything can still be repaired. Don't rush into decisions."

"I just don't want to be a selfish woman. I can't keep closing my eyes on purpose. Alila needs you, Alila expects you more, Alila loves you more." Nisa wet her throat with great difficulty. "And don't betray your own feelings."

"Nis, I even just made a choice. I chose you." Samuel. His tone was full of wounds.

Nisa desperately held back the tears that had been urging her out. "Make Alila's life more worthy. He deserves to be happy. I'm sorry, if I've had a lot of trouble for you all this time." Nisa said that sentence with trembling lips. He felt unable to stay with Samuel any longer. The man cannot see him crying, he cannot see his wounds.

Nisa stood up, then took a step into the house and then closed the door tightly. After which the girl slid to the floor, her shoulders trembled violently. Her tears broke along with her heart wound that was growing gaping. Although many times he convinced himself, that what he did was right, but still, most of his heart was in excruciating pain. Shouldn't we be sincere because God isn't like this? "God forgive my heart that is far from you. Forgive my heart that loves Your servant more than You. Forgive me for robbing me of my destiny before you give it up."

*****

Samuel walked out of Nisa's house with an erratic feeling. He felt broken, badly broken. He cursed himself with swear words. But not the calmness he got, it was a pile of guilt that increasingly slapped him. The tens of thousands of needles that were forcibly thrown and hit his heart, felt so bitter. There was an invisible wound, but the effect was incredible. Samuel just lost, lost love, lost his guide, lost his chance, lost everything. And the bad thing is, killing feelings is not easy.

"Sam."

Samuel looked up, and he found Alila looking at him with a soft look.

The girl approached, "Sorry." Said later.

"Sorry for making you part with Nisa." Alila let out a long sigh, before finally continuing her sentence, "But isn't that the best?"

Samuel frowned deeply. He did not understand Alila's intentions. A second ago he apologized, but the next second he looked as if he was grateful for the misfortune that happened to Samuel.

"I know, Kyai Abdulah never liked you. He never even approved of your relationship with his daughter. That's why I'm trying to keep you away from Nisa. I pity you. I pity you for chasing someone complicated. Because sometimes in love, we need to know ourselves. Like me, I know myself enough not to force you to love me, though I know, that feeling still resides in your heart. So did I. Not a single bit of my feelings that used to be eroded. My race is still intact for you. Every bow still holds your name. It's just that I'm ashamed of you, I'm ashamed to have to force you to settle down with me. It's enough of my job to keep you away from Nisa. After this I will no longer bother you. I promise you, I'll never show up in front of you."

Samuel clenched his hands until his knuckles turned white. The pain in the trough of his heart was getting stronger. A flash of emotion flared up within his sharp gaze. "What do you want?"

"simple. Find happiness that suits you. Don't love someone so complicated. Because I don't like to see you belittled by others. I look evil? Yeah, maybe that's how it looks. But if you look into the bottom of my heart, I'm not as bad as you have in mind."

Alila left, leaving Samuel still struggling with a thousand questions in his head. The man looked up, looking up at the sky. The flickering star was as if he was mocking him from up there. "Lord, is it fair that you share your destiny for me? Why did You ignore me when I was just beginning to learn to approach You?"

And that night the breeze carried the message, flying the grove of tree-children that had just grown. One by one his leaves smelled the ground. Confidence that has just been planted, as if joined in flying by the wind. And look how the universe works. God is turning over the hearts of men. Then never blame His power if you see a righteous man who loses his direction until he becomes a despicable sinner.

*****

"Why does Islam prohibit courtship?"

Vika passes the question in front of Naim. He recalled that Samuel said that there was no courtship in Islam, but when Vika asked him why, he said that he did not know, and instead told Vika to ask him to a person who was much more understanding. And it looks like Vika has found that person.

"Islam glorifies women. Realize you, the side that loses the most when dating is a woman. You may be wondering, why? The answer is easy, because women have the honor that they must take care of. In addition, Islam also regulates the relationship between men and women. Dating is a magical activity that can lead to zina. And the adultery which is meant here is the zina of the eye, by which he sees something that is not lawful, the adultery of the hand, the touching of the unrighteous, the adultery of the mind, the thinking of which he should not think. Islam also vehemently asserts that it is better to stab someone in the head than hot iron to touch someone who is not lawful to him."

Vika fell silent. His brain was working to digest Naim's words.

"Is Islam only a marriage solution for two people who are in love with each other?" Ask Vika again.

Naim nodded.

"What if you can't?" Sela Vika fast.

"fasting. Fasting can tame lust. You know, love is love. But never mistake that for something that leads to maksiat."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Naim laughed, "Of course. Didn't I tell you, love is nature. The power that is given to every human heart."

"What do you do when you fall in love?"

Naim seemed to think for a moment, "I hold him. I don't let my feelings be known to the people I love."

"Do you have no intention of revealing it? What if he chooses someone else?"

"Yes it's simple. Then he's not my soul mate. Allah is the One who rules everything. It can't be mispronounced in determining one's destiny, including a soul mate."

Vika took a long breath. Just this time he met a figure like Naim. That guy is so firm. So strong to hold on to his religion. When the youth of today prefer feelings, he chose to be a young man who is not like most.

"Naim, may I study Islam with you?"

Naim turned his head, and found a glimmer of sincerity from both eyes of Vika. The girl seemed to mean it. Before the end, Naim threw a glance in the other direction. "Do you want to enter Islam?"

Vika remained silent. Then he nodded doubtfully. "No. I was just curious about Islam after hearing your words." Vika.

Naim smiling. There was a bright spot he had just gotten. I don't know what God planned for his meeting with this girl in front of him.

*****

The ceiling of the room was dark. Not a single ray of light was allowed in. Looks grim. But the girl who laid her body on the bed was not at all disturbed by the darkness. He doesn't feel scared. Not at all afraid. His fear seemed to evaporate from his body because of the feeling he was currently feeling.

He's been in that position for almost three hours. Lying in the back position. His gaze stared at the ceiling of the room, glaring, silent. Freeze. Drugged by his own mind. Thinking of the feeling raging inside the chest. But none of them got an answer.

Feeling fed up, the girl got up, headed for the bathroom. Take the water wudhu. Then establish prayer. There is no helper, good listener, peace-giver but Allah.

There was no benefit if he kept pondering. Because life is a struggle. Let him fight his feelings. Preventing it from growing as before.

Because she does not want to be a sad woman who is upset just because of love. For it is al-madrasatul'ula. Who can not be weak, who can not be hearted hello kitty, too nervous and fragile face sadness. For she is the mother-to-be of a great generation. What would he say to his children if they asked him about his mother's love story? Should he tell me this scene? Crying and brooding all night only for a man who is not kosher. Of course not, right?

Self-righteousness, remember. That Al-madrasatul'ula should not be weak. Because the next Al Fatih was not born from the womb of a mother who was fussy, not born of a mother who was upset thinking about the failure of her love.

*****

The sun was shining this morning. The weather seems friendly. There is a joy that people feel. No exception to Nisa. The girl looked even more excited and so energetic today. He even kept the shalawat from his lips.

"Hayo loh. Again yes. His face is so radiant." Sarah patted Nisa's shoulder. Ah, it turns out that not only Nisa who looks radiant, but also Sarah. The girl looked fresher than usual.

"Even if it's not fun, but life should always be grateful, right?" Nisa developed her smile.

"Hmm. yeah. Uh next week we're starting an internship, right?"

Nisa nodded in response.

"So where did you become an intern?"

"Bareng dong."

"That seriously?! Nontonet. I'm so glad there's a tenmeghibah there."

Nisa pinched Sarah's waist slowly. "Want an internship to make skirips or make ghibah materials?"

Sarah grinned, "Both are hehe."

"Gather together in the field now!!"

The sound of screams filled with anger resounded. Sarah and Nisa turn around to find the source of the sound. When he looked, he found a very familiar figure. The figure walks through the classroom whose door is open. Yelling at every student who was inside.

"Get out!! Outside there is a call for action! This is for the betterment of our campus too! So no one is apathetic!" The voice is a snapping tone.

When that very familiar figure passed in front of Nisa. The girl was trying to neutralize her heart beat. He tries to look as normal as possible.

The figure passed through it. Without even a single glance towards Nisa. There are wounds that cannot be described with words.

"Nis, is that not Samuel? Songong he's not really fond of." Sarah grumbling. The girl knew how Samuel was. Especially when I meet Nisa. The man never missed greeting Nisa. But today it looks different. Walking arrogantly as if not recognizing Nisa.

"Today, to the yuk class." Nisa pulls Sarah's hand. Didn't want to linger seeing Samuel's change of attitude.

For some reason Nisa could see a striking difference from the man. Samuel never yelled harshly at innocent people. Even when calling for action, the man invites with a friendly call, not intimidating as before.

But Nisa does not know, if the calm sea will run amok when there are waves coming. And that's what Samuel is going through now.