Missing the Love of Husband

Chapter.4 The bitter truth

My tears just escaped, my vision was still the same, I still looked at the sky like it was about to rain.. Little specks I have felt, it is certain that after this there will be heavy rain.

My heart's sore... It turns out that I am not that strong, repeatedly I try to strengthen myself, but the results remain the same, the pain never goes away, even more pain.

My husband's... Finding his first love..

In fact, the age of marriage for years is not enough to keep loving me only. if indeed he is your first love, and dominates all your heart, then I... which corner did you put it in?

“Renata?” ask me slowly.

“Iya... Sorry if Mas wasn't honest with you from the beginning, I'm afraid you're angry and disappointed in Lin!” 

“Then.. Are you not afraid now?”

“Lin, mas and Renata have been married series since 6 months ago, we are not fornicating!”

Jleeb!

Was it that long I was being cheated on? So that's why she stayed away from me? You once stabbed me with thousands of your fake loves..  And now, you're trying to find an alibi of justification for your slowness?

“So during that time you tricked me mas?”

“Mas does not deceive yourself, is it not permissible in Islam that a husband has more than one wife? Renata also doesn't mind sharing with you,”

I chuckled at his explanation, risking once he brought religion into this.

“Then let go of me mas, I will free you to live happily with your first love,” It is enough.. It's enough you make me suffer, I can't stand it.. It was raining so hard, I saw Dery pull over to the door. But I was still reluctant to move on from there, maybe God let down the rain while I was about to cry as much..

“Lin, torrential rain.. Be shady.. You will be sick!” I didn't heed his call. I'm still standing there. The pain he gave out exceeded any pain.

Suddenly Mas Dery blocked my hand, and pulled it very roughly.

“Didn't you listen to me? You can get sick!! You hear?”

“I don't care! Even my heart hurts so much more mas!”

“Is it hard for you to accept Renata? Worship for you and the children will not be less, because Renata is much richer than me,”

“Do you think households are only about material? You're enough for me everything and it's all gonna work out? Not as easy as that mas, I also need your inner living.Your affection, your attention, I need all that, but for 6 months what did you give it to me? Not just for me, kids need to!” 

“I'll give it from now on, but I beg you to accept Renata,” only this time I saw Mas Dery cuckling at me, and that's because for me to accept another woman into our household. How terrible my fate is!

“You are crazy mas!”

“Alin... Please be mature, we have children to take care of, you don't be selfish!" Did Dery call me selfish?

“I? Selfish?” point me to myself.

“Yes you're selfish Lin!”

“The selfish is you! Whatever you say, I want you to let me go, the kids are grown, they will surely understand why we can't be together again!”

“But I don't want to! I don't want our family to be torn apart, I want you to stay by my side.. But I beg Lin.. I beg you very much.. Receive Renata!” Now Dery's already resting on my feet, under heavy rain as a witness.. Witness how my husband gave such a terrible wound, is that your love for that woman? Until you humiliate yourself to rest on my feet?

“Is that love you on his mas?”

“Iyaa. I love her so much, it's been decades I lost her Lin, I beg you.. Don't separate me from him!”

“Then I?? Do you love me?”

“I love you!”

“But don't love me!”

I stomped my legs, so that apart from the arms of Dery, it felt like my body was no longer able to support.. Sorry if I was rude, God,

“Let go of me mas! I want to be alone!” Mas Dery took his hands off of it, immediately I went in and cleaned myself into the bathroom, after I finished wearing long pajamas complete with his hijab.

I sat on the dresser without caring about the Dery mas who was still soaking wet because of the rain with me. I put some night cream on my face.. Then I went down to the children's room..

For a moment I looked at the faces of my son who was tall had almost reached me.. They are teenagers, even they are wise to reach the world around them.

I took a deep breath, leaning my body on the side of my son's bed..

After today, I can no longer have one room with Dery, then I know if all this time it turns out he does not love me.. I gave my whole life for him.

“Ummi?” 

“Rafa.. How to wake up baby, Ummi disturb your sleep huh?” I asked in shock who saw my son who was already sitting next to me.

“Neither Ummi, indeed Rafa is awake.. Ummi, how come it's here? Has Abi not come home yet?”

“Already.. Abi has come home, Ummi left you all day, so Ummi kangen, heheh” 

“Ummi lied.. Rafa knows, Ummi was crying because of Abi right? I think Abi is not dear to us Mi?”

“Huust you are saying what.. Abi love how we are,” Is Rafa sensitive because of Mas Dery's attitude so far?

“Maybe Rafa is still a child, but Rafa already understands about the adult world mi, yesterday when we again wait for Ummi to pick up, we see Abi pick up the child who is at school with us, but maybe he's still first or second grade... Ummi know? Abi is also the same other woman!”

Degh's!

Kemrin mas Dery dared to bring the woman to me, after that..

You hurt us on purpose?

“What is Rafa not wrong see?” ask me to make sure again.

“Neither Ummi, Rafi also look.. But Abi could not look at the two of us, Abi go that way.”

I hugged my son tightly.. What I did after this.. I was still thinking about whether I would accept Renata for the sake of the children..

But after hearing what Dery did to the kids.. Now Dery's leaning more towards Renata than we are..

“Rafa? If we move out of here without Abi.. What does Rafa mind?” my eldest son looked at me fixedly, trying to find something there.

“Rafa doesn't mind, but where are we going Mi?”

“Home grandpa.. Grandpa's house is also big from this house, but it has been empty for a long time. There is only a aunt who came to clean.” I'm trying to be as careful as possible to talk to my son.

“Mau Ummi. ” the answer is steady.

”Try you wake up Rafi let us get ready!”

Rafa woke Rafi up, fortunately they didn't have much nanya, I rushed to my room and Dery mas, I saw Dery was sleeping well, immediately I took a suitcase and put together all my clothes.

With a bold and steady step, I take this step, if only I am the one who is hurting here, it's fine.. I'll hold it for the kids.. But like his heart, Dery was blinded by his love.

Sorry mas.I'm sorry..

I'd rather go with our children than endure the wounds..

I dragged my suitcase into the car, after which I drove my car slowly .. Leaving the house that Dery and I lived in...