Marriage to the Destroyer of my Dreams

Episode 31 For Your Healing

By midnight, the netra Jeffran is still reluctant to be kept quiet like Jillian who was asleep in her sleep in a room of the most luxurious VVIP Hotel in Bandung. Jeffran chose to look at the sparkling city that presented beautifully, through the balcony of the room that looks very aesthetic. Occasionally he sipped a cup of americano, hoping that his favorite drink could give him a little sense of calm that had been lost from his heart.

The initial intention to immediately bring Jillian back to Jakarta was forced to stop, because this afternoon the rain fell so heavy with lightning striking each other. Finally Jeffran invited Jillian to stay at the Knight Hotel, one of the hotels owned by Shawn, Jeffran's cousin who currently lives in England. The most luxurious hotels in Bandung and some companies in Indonesia are only monitored remotely by Shawn, but all of them are managed by his cousin's trusted people who are certainly reliable.

Actually, this hotel room is very suitable as a place for honeymoon or quality time with a partner, because the interior of the room is designed so beautiful and romantic. Moreover, the room is equipped with Jacuzzi facilities and a private swimming pool in it.

But all of those facilities seemed to be useless to Jeffran and Jillian. Because even though they are a married couple, but they cannot do various intimate activities that are usually done by husband and wife in general. Especially after a few hours ago Jillian told me about what she had been going through for several months.

Arriving at the hotel, Jeffran urges Jillian to speak honestly about her goal of meeting Aunt Janika who is a Psychologist. At first Jillian always said that everything was fine and there was no special reason for her to meet Aunt Janika. But Jeffran could not be lied to, Jeffran continued to insist that Jillian can tell him the truth. Until finally flowed the story of Jillian's trauma that had been experienced after the rape that Jeffran committed against him.

Hearing the facts that befell Jillian, Jeffran was like being struck by lightning in broad daylight. It was never terbesit in the mind of Jeffran, if all this time Jillian experienced a very severe trauma, due to the depraved actions done by him. Millions of regrets from the heart and apologies that have been said many times directly from Jeffran's mouth, in fact, are really useless. A Jillian truly suffers and is devastated by the trauma that has encased her soul and body.

Recollecting the row of sentences Jillian who previously hit Jeffran's heart.

"To be honest I'm starting to feel good about you, but every time I look at you, I remember my hatred for your depraved deeds that ruined my life and my many dreams. Every time you touch me, you flash back to the memories of you raping me without mercy. Even the pain was still so obvious. This convinced me that I could not have a happy marriage with you, as long as my trauma had not healed."

Tears that had dripped when he first heard Jillian's words, now back dripping. Repeatedly hit by the chest that increasingly feels pain and tightness, especially when recalling the last sentence of Jillian who successfully made his body limp and all hope fly away.

"Honestly, sometimes I'm happy with your existence, but that hate is still so domineering. I could never enjoy your touch, Jeff. My body is always resisting, even though every touch of yours is accompanied by an expression of love. That's why I asked for your permission, to stay apart from you. I will undergo therapy and try to cure my trauma. If my trauma is healed, maybe we can start everything from scratch. But if we don't, maybe we're not meant to be with Jeff."

A long sigh, ending Jeffran's daydream. With a shaky step, Jeffran went back into the room after closing the balcony door first. He saw Jillian's face that looked tired and sound with a sad look. Jeffran's hand was stretched out to fix the children's hair on Jillian's forehead, but his intentions were clouded when he recalled Jillian's trauma.

'Oh my God, I really want to touch, hug and kiss her. Wiped out a million regrets, apologies and feelings of love so great from my deepest heart. But it turns out that the expression of feelings that I express through physical touch, actually provokes trauma and hurts him. Oh my God, what should I do? I really can't get away from him, I really can't.' Rataplate Jeffran in heart.

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The next day, Jeffran and Jillian return to Jakarta. Along the way, not many words came out of Jillian's mouth. Likewise with Jeffran, who was more focused on holding back as hard as possible not to touch Jillian.

"Let me hear your voice every day, Jill. I also want to see your face every day via video call. I'm gonna turn off my camera, so you don't have to look at my face, just me seeing your pretty face. Please grant my request, Jill." Jeffran's soft words accompanied by a clear facial expression, made Jill could not bear to reject him. Until finally Jillian nodded her head with a review of her sweet smile.

"Go home and rest, Jeff. You can call me tomorrow." Jillian.

"May I call you tonight before you go to bed?" Again Jeffran put on a hearty expression, and Jillian nodded again confirming Jeffran's request.

"Thank you Jill." Reply Jeffran with his face. Unknowingly, Jeffran's hands stretched out to embrace Jillian's shoulder. But fortunately, Jeffran quickly realized, so immediately undo his intentions.

"Sorry Jill.."

Jillian's heart felt the sadness that radiated from Jeffran's look and netra. But what you can do, Jeffran must understand what can and should not be done so as not to provoke Jillian trauma.

"Jill, can I say goodbye to Papa and Mama?"

"No, there will be a lot of questions if you go in. Go home Jeff.."

"Alright Jill. I'm going home, take care of yourself. Give my regards to Mom and Dad. I love you so much, Jill.." The heartfelt sentence that Jeffran ended with the expression of love apparently made Jillian sad. He felt very heavy away from Jeffran. But what power, all Jillian had to do, for the sake of healing her trauma.

With a shaky step, Jeff got back into his car. Leaving Jillian who was staring at Jeffran's departure with a pushy look.

'I'm sorry Jeff. I really need to stay away from you. Maybe time will answer, whether we are destined to be together or not. Take good care of yourself Jeff..' Jillian in the Heart.

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