Just an Ordinary Man (Between True Love And Forbidden Love)

About me and Karin (POV Thanit)

His name is Karin. A beautiful girl whose presence looked different to the others. The girl who turned out to be the son of the person was yet she was very simple. She's the girl who made me feel what it's like to be in love.

His presence really made my life seem to change. In my mind it is always filled with it. Ever since I met her when I was in junior high school, my feelings have been on her.

Maybe people will say my love was monkey love back then, but people can't say that anymore knowing that I loved him for fifteen years.

Yes, I loved her for so long and I never got bored. My feelings can't change however my attitude towards him has been.

When I first met him, I wanted to be a different person. I want him to look at me. Therefore, I try to attract his attention in various ways.

I, who was originally a child who did not care much about how people responded, turned into a caring child figure.

I am also not actually a child who achieves, but because of him, I became a child who is active in learning. I just wanted to let him know that I was a great boy. It might have been funny, but that was the reality at the time.

I became more attentive towards both of my parents, especially if he looked, I would definitely show more love to both of my parents. I also want him to know that I'm not only good to other people, but I'm very good to my family too.

He saw me a lot when I was with my parents. I'm thrilled. Moreover, he did that as if non-stop. I was happy when he kept looking at me.

We often participate in various activities and races. She's a smart girl. Honestly, I find it hard to chase after him. But I keep trying. If he is not the first, I will take his place.

I won't let anyone else take our position. I want to always be side by side with him even though it seems like we are hostile. But if not, I don't feel like I have a chance to approach him.

Karin was a quiet girl at the time. His attitude that seems cold can make others feel afraid if they are close to him. That's why I'm also hard to get close to.

But his attitude changed little by little when we entered SMA. She became a girl who could show various expressions. I'm glad to see it. I became more and more interested in him. I feel lucky to have gotten into the same High School as him. I can see all those changes.

But...

I feel sad because apparently all this time he considered me as his rival. Although he did not say that all this time, but it is worth saying considering how my efforts so far. Although actually my only attempt was to get close to him.

Karin blatantly showed her competitive attitude with me, even though it had been going on for a long time, but it felt different. I don't really want to serve him if that's the case. I don't want to be considered a loser.

I served him in competition to show that I could and I was not a loser. Even though I knew it would make her more hostile to me, but it was already over.

Karin tries hard to be better than me even than anyone in our school. It makes me think that it's not competition with me the reason it's like that. I don't know what the real reason is. But he always tried to beat anyone.

Karin kept trying hard even when the condition of her body is not okay. It made us as his schoolmates feel he was exaggerating. He did not want to give up and give up, very stubborn.

After all, my feelings are still the same. But I never showed it to her. How, just his attitude like that. I could have been sprayed first by him.

But...

All those years that I harbored my feelings, I finally couldn't stand it either. I wanted to express my feelings to her but I still didn't dare.

It's up to people to think I'm a loser, I don't dare. All I could do at that time was send him a letter. For days I made it.

Yet...

The incident after the letter was sent was far beyond my expectations.

Karin turned into an arrogant girl as she looked at me. He did not even hesitate to say harshly to me in front of many people. I'm really confused. Why is the reaction so bad? Does he hate me so much?

I lost my spirit and lived my days limp. Every time I see him, I can only be quiet. Want me to drag him to ask what I did that fatal thing to make him hate me? But I can't do it at all.

I'm too much of a loser. I felt defeated before I did. Just by the letter her reaction was like that, then what if I said it in person? It's gonna get worse.

I finally gave up and kept competing with him like I used to. My attitude obviously changed for her, but unfortunately my feelings didn't. I even wanted him more.

In the midst of our rivalry, one of my friends brought a letter sent by Karin. My thoughts and feelings were mixed when I received them.

I opened it and read the handwriting that I knew belonged to Karin.

My blood seemed to boil reading word by word written there. The statement that how he hates me so much and considers me unworthy to love him.

I never imagined I'd get such cruel hate speech from the girl I love. I'm really very disappointed. It turns out that he also sees me from our social status. I obviously lost away from him.

Since then I have harbored feelings of love and resentment towards her. I was so angry that my feelings for her never changed.

I wanted to control him. It happened when Karin lay weakly in the UKS room in a state of unconsciousness.

I want to have it. I want to make it all mine and keep it forever in my grasp.

But I quickly regained my senses and kept my bad thoughts away. Looking at the sleeping girl, I finally just kissed her lips. The first and probably the last kiss, I guess.

After that I tried to stay away from him. I continued my education in a different place.

I thought that way, I could forget how I felt about her, but I was wrong. Who and how ever the girl I met, still could not replace Karin in my heart.

I feel dizzy with my feelings. I finally tried to cover it with the hatred I instilled in my heart.

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seriate...