Just an Ordinary Man (Between True Love And Forbidden Love)

My family (POV Karin)

My name is Minatozaki Karin, the son of a native Japanese man and a native Indonesian woman. Some people who are born as a child may be a pride, but I'm sure not a few who regret it, like me.

Both my parents married with different obstacles. Their parents disapproved of their marriage because other than they had differences of faith, my parents' families were also racist people.

But my parents got married and gave birth to us. Three unfortunate children who have to accept the consequences of their selfish actions.

Not without reason I say it, but the reality we experience makes us think like that, especially me. The youngest of three children who did not get any attention from my parents.

All of their uncaring attitude when I was very small was clearly recorded in my head. I, who was a child at the time, did not understand their attitude. All I know is that my two brothers love me very much.

I didn't even know the parents were my mom and dad. Pathetic right? But I didn't feel at all sad at the time because I didn't understand.

If I could, I hope to remain forever clueless about the true circumstances. Because I will definitely not feel this heartache. But things can't stay that way forever. My growing age makes me still have to accept that reality. Accept the fact that I understand what happened.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been used to their fights. Every time they met, there would be a fight there. There was no warmth coming from my parents. They never asked me if I was okay. Never mind asking, seeing me even if they seem reluctant.

When I was a kid I probably cried because I saw them like that. But once I could understand, I did not care at all about their quarrel. I'm sick of seeing them like that.

If they don't feel right, why don't they split up? That was my mind at the time. After all, what do they want to defend? The kid?

Didn't they not care about us all this time? Even our presence was not considered. What are they surviving for?

Many times I ask myself, am I not their real child? Why have they never looked at me? If they don't want me, why would they let me be present in the midst of their feud?

I'm really sad, I'm angry. But I don't know what I can do. I can't deny that I actually need their attention. However I covered it with my uncaring attitude, but my heart said something else. I want to be happy with them.

In my silence I tried. Although I didn't say it but I wanted to make them proud and could look at me for a moment.

I'm trying to be a good, smart kid. I tried hard to get attention from them without being seen. I want to give them proof. I don't want to whine for their affection, because I'm sure it's pointless.

I've been an accomplished kid ever since I got into elementary school. I can smile with my hard work that finally makes my mother look at me a little.

I'm happy because he still has time to attend my school a few times. But, the moment I got into first-rate school, I started to lose that bit of attention again.

I have a rival that I consider heavy. Not only did his achievements bother me, but also his family life that made me so sad that I did not know how I described my feelings when I saw him.

I kept competing with him until we both went to the same High School. Our competition is even stronger than when we were Junior High. I never gave him a chance to win. All I have in mind are my parents even if they don't care about it.

I kept competing with him on various matters, no matter how I was and my health, I still did not want to budge from him.

Until the competition seemed to have crossed the line when he sent a letter with hate speech to me. I don't know what he meant to do that. But it all makes me hate him. Hated her so much.

I finally showed my hostility directly to her. No matter how her face looked at that moment. Wasn't he the one who started? Why does he look confused?

I feel relieved because after we graduated, we no longer study in the same place. I feel the burden in my life is a little less when I no longer need to compete with him.

After some time, I felt that my life was better even though the attitude of my parents was still the same.

I am lucky to have two sisters who love me very much. At that time I was also aware of their busyness towards the lesson so far. My two brothers must have experienced the same thing as me. They just look stronger than me.

And again, at least they've gotten enough affection from both my parents when they were kids. It was evident from some of the photos stored in their room, unlike me who had absolutely no sweet memories with my father and mother.

But I don't feel vengeful. I thought, all I have to do now is make myself happy in a good way. Because at any time, the attitude of my parents can't change.

For a moment, I felt happiness in my heart. Being able to see my sister get married and see her happy really warms my heart.

I also made good friends with some of my High School friends and some of my underclassmen. We still often gather even though we no longer study in the same place.

There was one of my classmates who was very close to me. His name is Icha. He's two years younger than me. He often came to my house to study. The boy often asked me for help to teach him. I've always been happy to help him because he's a good boy.

Yet...

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seriate..