High School Autobiography

CHAPTER 5: FARKA'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

I Ahmad Farkansyah was a lazy man and never wanted to learn, my name was given by the caretaker of the orphanage, Mr. Guro, I do not know what it means, which is clear I am still lazy.

Since childhood I always thought about who my parents were, because, I always saw, there were children brought here, even many babies who lived here, in the hope that they had a bright life.

Who are their parents? Why are people so determined to throw away their own children?

I always ask every child here, who are their parents?

But the answers I received were variously answered by his parents is a shadow, until someone answered his parents is an Alien, which they certainly do not know.

So I asked the caretakers of the orphanage, who or where are our parents?

But the answers I received also varied, some answered, our parents were dead, until someone answered our parents were a stone, for sure they did not know or did not tell.

The caretaker said I was the most generous and very kind child, but unfortunately I was lazy, sleeping or lying in bed all day was my activity all day, to the extent that I always get hit by the tantrums of Mr. Guro.

I always thought, why play outside, if at the end we go back to bed?

So, after every meal or study, I would go back to bed, obviously to sleep and fantasize, I would always imagine what it would be like to have a father and a mother.

Until the time I was eleven years old, there was a family that dared to adopt me.

I had a happy day, I knew what it was like to have a family, I knew what it was like to have a sister, I knew what it was like to have a father and a mother.

But, everything changed when my father and mother were too attentive to me, so their biological children were not considered.

One day, my father had a fight with my brother, Sedira, he was scolded because Sedira was indeed a girl who always denied parents, she was naughty, and her appearance was like a delinquent girl, both her hands were tattooed.

Since then I was not familiar with Sedira, while my grandmother and parents were very indulgent with me, my parents always gave me many gifts, even though I never asked for anything.

One day Sedira came home at midnight, he was scolded all-out by his mother's father, so Sedira was not allowed to go out of the room and his cellphone was confiscated.

Unfortunately completely in the room, he did not eat for a full day, no one even fed him.

The next morning I came into his room, he let me in, I also brought a tray complete with a plate of noodles and a glass of clear water.

Sedira was sitting on the lip of the mattress with a sluggish bow, I put the dish right on the floor in front of him.

Then I sat down beside him, looking at him pityingly, I asked him to eat.

“Go there baby!”

But he rebuked me, kicked me out, I didn't get hurt, because, as if, I knew, that, he who is really hurt, his emotional outbursts are a picture of his heartache.

Then without hesitation, I took the fork from the tray, and I pricked the fork in my left hand, but because this was not enough, so I swiped the fork on the back of my hand until it blisters and started bleeding.

“Crazy you! Crazy!”

Sedira who saw my stupid actions, then hurriedly took the fork from my hand and threw the fork on the floor.

“What are you doing?!”

I was surprised and didn't think he was worried about me.

“I... feel the pain as big brother feels,”

I express my reason in earnest, I want Sedira not discouraged, that beside him there are also people who are equally sick.

“Stupid stupid fool! Pain, hurt, ha?”

My brother hates what I do, but, I'm grateful that my brother is still healthy, he still has his human instincts.

“In pain... continue what about sister?”

I just feel sorry for my brother, if indeed the affection of his parents is hindered by me, I am ready to lift my feet right now, I am used to living alone, I have always lived alone, besides, I've felt what parental love looks like.

Sedira's brother bowed haggardly, I know! I knew! He had a moral burden, a child who wanted to be cared for, understood and loved, I knew the soul of a young man like Sedira's sister, he was neglected, and somehow I knew.

“I'm a collector..”

I opened the conversation, trying to provoke my brother's feelings in order to share his complaints.

“...I always think about who my parents are, some say. father and mother are cruel... all that assumption is broken in fact that the father and mother are angels in my opinion.”.

I revealed everything, but Sedira's brother still bowed grimly.

“...it feels good... very happy... but.. it turns out... if I'm in the position of brother...maybe the assumption is true,”.

I'm settling my feelings now, and, Sedira is hooked, she starts to express her feelings, and I know! Only to me did he reveal it, because, it seems like there is no one to trust in this family.

“Kakak also love the father and mother. but.. sometimes brother wants also to be an orphan.. no anger or snapped from parents.”.

From that moment on I began to get along with my brother, he often told me his complaints, and I began to know the character of a human from my brother.

In the evening when my family and I were having dinner, without Sis Sedira, I invited my parents to discuss the matter of Sis Sedira, maybe it was not important to them, but, uh, if you have talked about the psychological side, a little wrong, fatal consequences, can cause resentment, mental illness, even to the murder, thankfully brother Sedira has a strong mental, but if not?

“Mother father... thank you, for taking care of me...”

My words made my mother stroke the back of my head lovingly.

“...but... I have a request, do you guys want to grant it..?”.

I asked seriously, and all were willing, supporting him.

“...can you accept your child for who they are? If he's naughty don't get hit? If he's disabled don't be shunned? And if he fails to stay accompanied?”

It turned out that my guess was right, my parents wanted the perfect child, I could say this was just a comparison, so that Sis Sedira wanted to change, it didn't matter to me, most importantly, It's good to be back with good treatment like me.

And so, after that, things began to change, Sis Sedira and I had the same treatment, we had dinner together, until there was no more indifference in this family.

Sis Sedira is still with her character, but no problem, she just has not found her identity.

However, just as we felt a strong bond in the family, a terrible incident broke our peace, father committed suicide!

He shot him in the head with a Five-seven FN gun, my father a reverse cop, he killed himself for nothing, but, he left a piece of paper, with his handwriting.

World rejected me! World rejected me! Be strong, my family, I will find God in death!

The part that made me regret is, I did not manage to strengthen my father's mentality, making him feel like he had moral support in his life, according to my father's friends, he was a good man, but, his boss always scolded him, and many people want to bring him down, even so, I know the cause is not that, I know for sure!

Since childhood, my father has been abandoned by his parents because of divorce, his father is a gambler and his mother is a woman of the night, my father spent time living with drunkenness with his friends, but one day, his father was, he felt his life was in vain, then when he saw a pregnant woman thanking a policeman, then at that very moment, my father's soul was touched, my father wanted to become a policeman, he said, but unfortunately he was rejected, fortunately for my father, he had enough savings to 'buy a job' then my father managed to become a police officer, there is an important thing that my family does not know, the family did not know, except for me and my grandmother, that my father, wanting to die in title or office, to be exact, died in honor, but to me he died humiliated.

Only my grandmother and I were sad without tears, but regret was imprinted on both of us.

Since then, we've been living a normal life, and a year after my father's death, my brother started to look different, he's become a little bit of a bitch, every time I approach him, he's gone away and always been alone, I can't do much, because I don't want to disturb him.

That night, the sky was bright, the moon was shining round, I sat in the front yard alone enjoying the cool air of the night.

My brother came out to gather with his friends.

“Silver beware.”

However, my brother did not speak, he nodded with a knotty smile.

I don't know why I felt at that time, it was really bad to see the departure of Sedira's sister, but I didn't bother, because my brother used to gather with his friends this night.

An hour later I went into the house to sleep, because I went to school tomorrow.

But, the next day, when I was just coming home from school, my mother hugged me in a cry of loss, even my grandmother cried.

Turns out, my bad feeling last night was about my brother's death, right! Sedira's brother was murdered.

And I felt confused and very lost, I cried when I saw my brother's body was pale white covered in a shroud, lying lifeless, lying dead, and I'm not gonna tell you why my brother was killed because it was terrible enough.

Ever since her departure, I've always felt like I failed as a little sister, because, in the last seconds of her life, I didn't really know her.

Until everything has been resolved, when the police managed to subdue the perpetrator of the murder, his ex-girlfriend himself is the culprit.

The question of love was the cause of the former's killing my brother's life, I didn't take it lightly, so, I learned to let go, and learned, that human feelings are very mysterious.

Until that night, my mother began to get very sick, she was hospitalized, and her days had to be passed in a room.

My mother was a good woman, she loved orphans, every Sunday she would go to the orphanage, just to give the children some money.

Although he was fairly ill he never complained, even his brain tumor had long been hidden to keep his family peaceful.

Every day I was always beside his bed, accompanying the rest of his life, even though my mother had surgery, but, I saw no signs of recovery at all, he looked worse.

My mother slept for most of the day, if she woke up, she would look at me lovingly, she looked at me as if I were her biological child.

His hand was always tightly held, just so he knew that beside him there was still someone who wanted to see him alive.

“Mother... mother must be cured right?”

My question seemed pleasant, because my mother smiled with a blank look, she seemed not to know me, even her attitude seemed to signal the end of her life.

I cried, my feelings touched as her delicate hand rubbed my head full of love.

My mom's dying, and I keep hoping she's healthy again.

I cried even more when I heard the voice of the mother.

“Sorry yes... if later.. you become an orphan again.. mother.... can not give anything, only mother can pray hopefully....your future is bright..”.

From then on, my mother had always fallen asleep without ever waking up, and I was still faithfully waiting for her right by her side.

Until one night, my grandmother woke me up to prepare to go home, not because of school, but because my mother had died.

I was down, standing crying looking at my mother's face, she was covered in a stiff, pale but, like I was having a beautiful dream and there was nothing else I could do but cry and pray.

“Thank you... thank you..”.

Now, I've lost half my family, lost people who were chained and loved makes me feel bad, but I always get excited when I hear important tips from my grandmother, now, I'm so excited, only my grandmother was still with me.

He was the family member I was most familiar with, his whole outpouring of heart always conveyed to me, and I always poured out my feelings for him.

She was a good grandmother, full of vigor and tireless, but, there was something that always stuck in my mind, that every midnight, she would sit in the living room talking to herself.

Who's talking to Grandma? Why is he talking about going out of the house?

And every time I ask, my grandmother will say, that she doesn't talk to anyone, she sleeps and never wakes up in the middle of the night.

I tried to take her to one of the psychologists, but she didn't show any symptoms until all the psychiatric experts I went to, and my grandmother ended up mentally healthy.

I always ask without getting bored of my grandmother, why and what does she do when midnight comes?

But, again my grandmother replied with the same thing, that, she sleeps and never wakes up in the middle of the night.

And that morning, my grandmother was not home, she disappeared, but all her clothes were still neatly stored in her closet, I reported to the police, up to a week more my grandmother disappeared somewhere.

But oddly enough, Fihan once said, that my grandmother went to another realm because there was already an agreement with supernatural beings, I asked in more detail, but the answer I received was only, I had to give it up.