High School Autobiography

CHAPTER 1: SAZAN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

The title of this chapter I named: Estia's Marriage Commitment.

It feels good to know I was born to a rich, educated man, I'm the only child in this family.

But the crying broke when we found out that I had brain cancer, and I was two years old.

“Nothing, this is fate.”

My mama encouraged me.

“You must be strong, must be spirit!”

My father also encouraged me.

But for some reason, those words just made me fall, I'd rather die without knowing when I die.

When night fell, shaking all over my body, I felt pain, I wanted to scream, I didn't want to die!

That night when I fell asleep, I had a strange dream, a girl came to me, I did not know her, even her face was not very clear, the sunlight in this green meadow was very blinding to the eyes, he asked me.

“What is the pain like? I don't know because I'm always in heaven. What's that disappointment like? I don't know because I'm always in heaven. What's the disease like? I don't know because I'm always in heaven. What's falling in love like? I don't know because I'm always in heaven. In heaven, I know no suffering, I know only happiness, and nothing but pleasure

When I woke up, the weird dream last night always rang in my head, as if it instilled magic in my life, or maybe I just got carried away in a restless mood from thinking about my cancer.

A week in the hospital with the shadow of death, the sound of people like the call of the angel of death to me, sometimes I ask myself if I am too excessive?

And at home, my mother was sad, my mother always worried about me, she was the one who really always encouraged me, but somehow I got more scared, every time I saw my mother's smile and voice my fear grew.

At school, nothing interesting, I always remember my death, what should I do before I die? Should I have fun?

What does death feel like? Where to after death? Is God this bad?

Fihan was the first to know about my illness, whether he knew where it came from. I'm saying.

“What is this cruel fate?”

“No, you made your destiny cruel.”

Fuhan's words made me ask.

“I don't understand?”

“If you can live happily in your age, then the fate of the disease is a miracle for you, but, if you despair, then the fate of the disease is a curse for you.”

I don't understand what Fihan said at all, isn't disease still a disease? Is pain not pain? And he left without a word.

But, I always contemplated the words of Fihan, and always thought of his words until I forgot my cancer.

The first miracle came when there was a new neighbor in front of my house, my eyes unable to turn when I saw him, his blonde hair, his pure white skin, his cute fingers, his collar neck, his plump black eyelashes, he said, blue Netra was as bright as the sky that day, and as her pink lips developed a smile, I was glued to my yard, looking at the beauty of that woman's smile.

However, that knotty smile she gave to a thin mustachioed man, she was her husband, and my head suddenly felt more and more painful until I lay down.

When I woke up from my fainting, I saw the woman sitting on the chair beside my bed, only she I looked at, Estia Lein, that elegant 20-year-old woman has made me fall in love, what is falling in love or what? What is clear is that the woman makes my brain feel frozen, and my heart feels warm, I don't care about my younger age, I don't care about her husband, for me I'm in love, I'm in love, and that's my only strength.

As time went on, every time he went shopping at the convenience store, I always drove him in my car, we shared our life stories, we laughed and sometimes went somewhere together, but Estia never knew my illness, nobody told her.

One day, Estia had a fight with her husband, a great fight, her husband had an affair, even her husband left without knowing where.

Since her husband left, we've always spent time together, we've seen movies, had dinner with my family, played games, had picnics to countries like America, England and Japan, we've really had fun, I let go of three months of not going to school just to be with Estia.

I had fallen in love too deeply, the woman made me forget about my illness, I had made her stay away from her husband, even I wanted her to leave her husband, I wanted Estia to be mine forever, she said, I want that beautiful smile just for me, I want to take her hand just for me, I want her to be happy just with me, once again, I have fallen in love too deeply, I do not want to die, I want to fall in love every second with Estia.

While we were eating in the courtyard of my house, Estia's husband came suddenly, she was angry, even to the point of pulling Estia's tender hand, her husband asked me in a harsh tone, he rebuked me.

“He boy! You want to take my wife ha!?”

I really can't talk, I can only be quiet. But, Estia no, she defended herself, she defended me as well.

“We're just friends! Don't blame him!”

They leave, Estia is taken to her house, they fight again, and Estia asks for a divorce, but her husband does not want to.

From that moment on, Estia didn't want to talk to me anymore, she didn't greet me, she didn't smile at me anymore, she avoided when I greeted her, two more weeks we didn't talk to each other.

“I LOVE YOU ESTIA! I LOVE YOU!”

I screamed in front of her, as she was holding hands with her husband, Estia threw her face away from me, she really seemed to not know me, until her husband inflamed her wrath, she came to teach me a lesson, she said, like a manly man, he beat me without mercy, Estia there, in her beautiful blue dress, silently turned her face away from me, I smiled at her even though I was lying on the ground with a punch in my face, I felt no pain, I just fell in love every time I saw Estia's cute fingers, I would fall in love again when I looked at her wavy blonde hair, I always fell in love with Estia even though she had a husband, her husband did not stop beating me, she said, she was like venting all her frustration at every blow she threw at me, but, the pain made me fall in love with Estia even more, no pain! It's just a growing feeling of love, Estia's not defending me, she's kind of mad at me, she's really the most graceful woman I've ever seen, and I just found out what love is, it turned out that love was when I no longer felt the pain of my cancer.

“ESTIA, I LOVE YOU! ESTIA LOOK HERE!”

“ESTIA LOOK HERE! LOOK AT ME!”

I screamed at him like I had no shame, like I was a fool who didn't know what a fool was.

“Bad you!”

Her husband became even more angry, my words actually gave her the spirit to beat me all out, so I thought, I will die in the hands of Estia's husband, and this is my last moment to look at that woman, she said, the woman who made me cringe every night, the woman who always made me feel like I had the strength to fight my cancer, Estia was still at home standing at the gate of her house, without looking at me in the slightest, why did she fall silent? Why is he turning? Why didn't Estia speak?

However, when Estia suddenly left, she left her husband who was still busy beating me, her husband stopped beating me when my nose was broken, when my teeth were broken, when the blood is enough to close all the pores of my face.

It's not over yet, I spat at Estia's husband's leg as he stood looking at me who was still lying helpless, and he retaliated by kicking my head until I almost fainted.

Since that incident, I lived in Aqada house, I always shared stories with him, Aqada is my best friend, we have been friends since Junior High, Aqada is a man who understands about love problems, love, at first he was shocked when I told him that I love people's wives.

“Wah wah, it's actually outrageous bro.. You're the one who has to back down.”.

I can't follow Aqada's advice.

“Already done, I won't back down.”

I'm persisting.

“They are already bound by commitment, if you are the cause of their relationship rift, then, you are ruining the nature of love, you are no longer relying on love, you are already using lust.”

Aqada replied that he did not like it.

“I don't care, I won't give up, I'll get it, I've fallen in love too deep.”

I remain firm.

“Your desire to have it, it is not love bro... whose name is love, you want him to live happily bro.. You already rely on other feelings, namely your own lust.”.

Aqada explained my feelings.

“Ahk do you know what about my feelings?! I know better who I really am.”

But I didn't heed Aqada's explanation.

“How is her husband feeling? How is Estia feeling? What happens if you take someone's wife in the name of love?”

Aqada urged me to think more about the feelings of others.

“Estia loves me! Aye! I can see it in his eyes!”

I immediately came to a conclusion, which I myself had not been completely sure of the truth.

“For example, if you have lived with him, have a smart and funny child, but, you will not be able to eliminate the fact that you took someone's wife.”

Aqada still can't accept my wish.

“If you are both in love, if you are both willing, then there is nothing wrong and there is nothing to blame!”

And I continue to confirm the truth of my actions.

“Remember! A couple is committed, that is, they have also sworn in the name of love, they have wrestled in love, all the distress, all the happiness they swallowed together, even, they are, if a second love occurs, then let the second love pass, because, whose name love will never be endless, that is where the commitment and love of a married couple is tested, he said, while you bro.. You are a bully, the rough is satan.”

Aqada explained at length about the strength of the husband and wife relationship that could not be penetrated by a man like me.

“What if Estia doesn't love her husband anymore? She prefers me?”

I was prejudiced, trying to solidify my success.

“I reiterate once again! They are committed, their love has fused, but, if that's the case, then.

Aqada still had time to remind me of the danger of my actions, but in the end he resigned with my carelessness, which I think is a love struggle.

I nodded in understanding what Aqada said, as long as I stayed at his house, I treated my wounds, and played spending time with Aqada.

Three days later, Estia's husband came to my house, he rebuked my parents, he told my parents to stop my stupid actions, so my papa slapped me hard as if I wasn't his son, but, my mama stood beside me, embracing me lovingly, keeping me from my papa rampage.

“Is there no other woman in the world?!”

My father jolted me full of anger and great shame had been borne by him.

“I... I fell in love with her, I did not see any other woman in the world who could make me fall in love..”.

The loud slap again floated, causing the sound of 'PLAK' even until my cheek was exposed.

“Omong empty what is it?”

My father insinuated me, thought I was kidding.

“Your life is no longer long!”

My father rebuked, made me look down contemplated with haggard, the words of my father have made my heart hurt, my age is not long, but that does not mean I should not feel in love.

“Enough Pa, let mama speak!”

My mother tried to protect me, until my father left, leaving me and my mother to talk.

But in the conversation it was the same as Aqada, which ended up discussing the commitment of a husband and wife, I was forced to give up by my mother, I was forced to look for another woman, but still, I did not give up.

I will not let my first love disappear, I have forgotten my illness because of Estia, I have been bleeding for Estia, I do not want to lie to my feelings, I do not want to turn to other women, I do not want to turn to other women, I have also committed to my own heart, that I swear I will only love Estia forever, both sick and healthy I will always be loyal to her.

But, something stuck in my mind, was Estia also in love with me? Is he ready to live with me? Is he ready to accept my death? What would happen if he lived alone? What happens if he is not happy? What will Estia be?

Last night I pondered what I had done, was it really my cruel destiny? I shouldn't have been born, and I shouldn't have fallen in love with anyone's wife, but, I can't avoid this fate, I've been trapped, enjoying it all too much, incidentally in my life, Fihan is right, this fate is cruel because I consider it cruel, even though disease is just a disease.

In contrast to how I felt about Estia, who was growing more and more, I really missed her, I really wanted to be with her again, but, day after day she always turned away from me, and me, she said, I don't know.