High School Autobiography

CHAPTER 2: AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF ZENI

Title: End of Night Butterflies.

I was born into a simple family, my life was bland.

My father died in an accident. The bus he was driving into the ravine.

“Dad, why should you leave quickly?”

Every night I cry for my father, I love my father more than my mother.

Your son's father is weak, and your son is desperate.

But a year later, my mother remarried another man, I hated it, but I didn't know why.

My stepfather was a year older than my real father, but his attitude was very rude and annoying.

And when I was 12, terrible things happened to me, things that I was really ashamed of and afraid to tell you, my stepfather sexually abused me.

I cried, and felt alone, one thing that mattered! I'd rather die than accept the truth.

Death has just begun!

Is there anyone who can use his heart?

I didn't talk about the dark incident to anyone, nor to my mother, enough for her to bear the burden of her life.

Year after year, when I was just stepping on the high school bench, I started to realize one thing, that my body was worthless, my body was dirty, my body was dirty, so I sold my body to a man who wanted to spend money for my dirty body.

One day I was dating a guy older than me, he was a really nice guy to me, he was a business man, almost every day he bought me clothes, being with him is a happy thing for me.

Because my trust was already ingrained in my lover, then I ventured to tell the bitter incident with my stepfather, even I told him about my dirty work.

“You should have enjoyed your stepfather's abuse.”

That sentence was thrown from my own boyfriend, I thought he was a good man, but in fact, he was just like the criminals.

My trust in him was destroyed instantly, he had a different attitude when he found out who I really was, that man was disgusted at me.

Since then I hate men! I even hate my own father!

I left my girlfriend with a weeping full of disappointment.

Is there anyone who can use his heart?

My eyes, my heart, my soul, everything hurt, and then, on the rails of the fire that night, I stood accepting my destiny, my cheeks wet with my cries.

“Dad I came.. I came father... I came.”.

They can only play with my feelings, taking hurt as a joke.

But, my intention to end my life disappeared, when I got a message via my phone, so that I immediately went home, my mother had a high fever to be taken to the hospital.

I went back to the bitter reality, going to school with the shadow of suicide, my sight was empty and my soul still hurt.

Every time I go home, I always see my father fighting with my mother, if not quarreling, my stepfather will definitely get drunk with his friends at home, plus he always slaps me if he doesn't comply, or punches me in the face if he's upset.

Every night I work as a night butterfly, all my customers are always nice to me, to the point that I forget to kill myself, time passes with my work that more and more makes me happy, the more happy I am, until I have a comrade in arms.

When I was in the third grade of High School, the news about my dirty work started to spread, my ex-boyfriend was the culprit, he took revenge on me because I refused to stay with him.

But at that time, my career began to be high, until a customer I did not think turned out to be my classmate, he was Fihan.

And obviously he paid me, but we were just talking in the hotel room, Fihan was very different, his formal clothes made him look even more handsome, but unfortunately he wasn't my type.

“Stop from this job, I can give you a clean job.”

Fihan stood up by slipping both hands that looked so cool, he stood before me, his deep black eyes feeling so seductive to me.

“I like my job.”

I lied and Fihan realized that.

“Why are you lying to yourself?”

I kept looking away, ashamed of Fihan, even ashamed of myself.

But in the end I told all the causes of this happening, I expressed the vile deeds of my stepfather, so that no tears had flowed, disappointment and suicidal feelings reappeared.

“I... hiks hiks already ti-not worth living... hiks hyks...”.

I sobbed complaining about my life to Fihan, for some reason I was willing to open up the bitter experience of my life to him, for sure, I felt comfortable talking to him.

“I understand your feelings, neglected, humiliated and want to die. but... once only... endure until graduation takes place.”.

The strange words of Fihan actually made me pensive while wiping my tears, whether this is the romantic side or pity, even Fihan wiped my tears with a piece of tissue.

“What do you mean?”

I'm investigating a strange statement by Fihan.

“Later you know... sometimes.accepting the bitter reality is more pleasant than waiting for happiness...”.

Fihan sat next to me looking forward to nothing, strangely for the first time, I was amazed at Fihan, in fact, foolishly leaning my head on his shoulder, he was not my type, but, instead, I was amazed at him, he is very handsome, my feelings are also very comfortable nearby, he also turns out to be more mature than Farka, deserved Eril crazy about him.

I found it important again, that not all men are the same, I still love my father, even more than that.

During school everything went normal, as well as me and Fihan, I loved being alone, everyone approached me, I must have stayed away, even rebuked him, so also that invites me to go together, I will definitely reject it, to the point that I am considered arrogant, even some say that I am a female version of Fihan.

I don't want to have friends, but I'm afraid and ashamed that if they find out about what happened to my stepfather, I'm really depressed, nobody understands how I feel, there's nothing to believe.

But, after school, when I was walking alone, the sound of 'cring cring' was heard'

The bike bell made me stop walking.

Zery black-haired man, my old Junior High friend, came without me noticing, somehow his aura felt different, it had been two years since we met.

Zery is a tall guy, he's strapping, he's got round eyes that I think are very charming, his style of speech is also very cool, but I really like his voice, which sounds very male.

Zery offered me a ride, at first I refused, but because he kept pushing, plus we had not seen each other for a long time, I finally sat in the back seat while wrapping my hands around Zery's waist, we went to my house.

Zery's a nice guy, actually in Junior High we're not very familiar either, I don't know for sure what kind of guy he is, what kind of guy, I don't know for sure, he also recently moved to Pekerti High School and his way of speaking has contracted Pekerti High School.

From that time on every school trip, Zery was always waiting at my school gate just so he could drive me home, but sometimes we didn't come home, we went somewhere very far away.

We went to a beach, but we sat on a rock and looked at the ocean with waves that seemed to calm the mind, we have been to this place three times, talking about various things, and we have, silly, I don't talk much, I'm still inferior and not confident in my own life, I always remember my dark past.

A month or so I've been friends with Zery, and I've known that if Zery turns out to be a humorous man, anything that should be sad or even serious, he can turn into a laugh, although there are some things that sound brazen, but, Zery is able to make me laugh out loud.

Only Zery is a man who can make me laugh, every time I see him I smile, so it's a lie! If I never smile, lie too! If I haven't smiled in years, she's also the one who can make me forget my dark past.

I've made Zery fall in love with her, every day, her face, her laugh, always reminiscing in my head, I'd love to express my feelings, but, as I look back on my life, I realize, Zery will definitely turn away, so I am a sniff of this feeling.

After school, we went back for a walk, we loved the beach, sitting on a rock talking about many things.

“Zery, do you want to have the perfect wife?”

I asked the real probing, I wonder if Zery can accept a dirty woman like me.

“Wah wah wah... I want to always be a free young man! I don't want to be constrained by family ties..”.

“Oh... I also do not neko neko if the problem of girls, which is important, he is perfect..”.

Zery's joking impression made me uncomfortable.

“It was the same..”.

“Hahahaha... no, I'm kidding, anyways, lo questions that do not need to be answered also have been answered.”

Zery's statement made the assumption that Zery could not accept me.

From then on we were just regular friends, we were through the days together, Zery really knew how to make me laugh, only this time I was happy to have a friend, he said, we were almost like lovers.

Zery is a cycling hobby, he's not tired of pedaling his bike for more than a kilometer, and I'm always happy when I can sit in the back seat of his bike, be part of the journey of his life, he also likes spicy food, he said if he was pedaling a bike he would not be tired during eating spicy food, every time he met, he said, Zery's always ruffling my hair and he's ruffling his hair, but I don't know why, every time I ask him why he'll answer 'later to know' we also always exchange watches, as well as exchanging stationery, but again, Zery gave the same reason, there is something else we always do together, namely, we always write the date we met.

And of course I just felt that life is actually beautiful since being with Zery.

However, I no longer saw him in front of the school, it had been more than a week he disappeared without news, my phone and my message were not answered, until I went to school, then I went to his house, however, I did not get a message, his family had moved out of nowhere, and no one knew.

A month without Zery, my feelings went back to chaos, anxiety, fear and depression.

Suddenly the postman came to my house, delivering an important letter to me, I opened it and read it in my room.

Zeni, it's Zery the humorous man...

I'm sorry to reply in a letter, it's easy to remember me always...

Zeni, when you read this letter that means you have to come at 20:00 on the beach we usually meet, tomorrow!

Zeni I already know you have a dark past...

I also know you have a dirty job...

Since Junior High we met I immediately admired you...

Your reticent attitude made me fall in love...

Zeni, you are the first woman to make me clumsy and shy...

You are also the first person I have trouble laughing at...

But, when the teacher is joking, it's strange that you're just a student laughing...

I can conclude that your sense of humor is quite high, you can't laugh just by looking at a cat sucked up to a table leg...

You are a unique, mysterious and cold girl...

Zeni, to me you are the perfect woman...

To the point that I feel less inclined to approach you...

Zeni, whatever you do looks always special...

But I'm a stupid man who doesn't deserve you...

Zeni, sometimes I always wish I was the perfect man just so you would smile at me...

I feel neglected whenever you are silent...

But I have always been captivated by your silence...

Since we graduated Junior High I've always worried about you, especially if you have an unpleasant incident...

And when we meet again...

I can finally make you smile, even you can laugh...

Moments like that are the most fun...

But I also have to leave, because my time has come...

Steady you there...

Because there's nothing to cry about...

You don't need to know, I know where your problem is...

Oh yeah, you asked me why I ruffled your hair...

Actually, just so you know that I will always live in your head...

Then about exchanging watches...

Actually just so we know every time we go through is very valuable...

Then about exchanging stationery...

There is nothing special, in short we are friends...

And lastly, about us always writing the date of our meeting...

Simply put just so that we always remember every memory we go through...

So be strong that you keep your breath...

Face reality even with tears...

You don't need sympathy...

Face your hard life even if you have to tremble your body...

You don't need a helping hand...

Face your problems even if you have to remove all your nails...

You can smile even without me...

Zeni, come to see me one last time...

Zeni, I came back to give you the last smile...

And if you have received everything...

Let's just say everything means nothing...

We meet to separate...

Please don't find out why it happened...

Because reality...

I have to run and die...

Zeni, you are special...

I was stunned for a moment, trying to digest the meaning of Zery's writing which was indeed very strange, even seemed terrible.