Friend, Only You.

Chapters 14. My Taste For San.

Ega Pov's.

The breakup was painful for me.

I want you by my side, listening to your voice.

I want you by my side

Talking and laughing together look at the future.

But of course I must not be selfish in asking you to stay here while you have Asa that you must fight for.

I admit you are my Friend but it turns out that this heart wants more than Friends.

Am I being too selfish to ask for more?

Your loss made me aware of a silent feeling infiltrating the recesses of my heart.

I want you for my life.

Together they cover the vastness of the desert.

Together to sail the unbanked Ocean.

With you face the thickets or mines of life that we might encounter in the course of our lives.

I want to be with you in my duty and your duty to worship and prostrate to Allah alone.

Make me halal for you then I also want you to be halal for me.

I want to marry you, Hasan!.

San, I wrote the secret of my heart in a blue-covered book called Diary. In this sophisticated age I still make Diary my life friend.

I am content to pour my heart into that thing at least it will never betray me to reveal the secret of my heart to others let alone to you.

This thing will definitely keep all the words I write on the sheet.

After being content to write I lay down on a mattress made of cotton which is a silent witness to my longing for you.

I lay facing the worn-out wall. I stared at the amazement of the writing that was plastered there.

I laughed at myself how silly I was. On the wall is written your name that looks faint but I can clearly read it.

The name on the wall is H454n. I don't know when I wrote that name on the wall of my room? I forgot exactly when, maybe when I missed my best friend, you poured out on the walls of the room without me noticing.

I really laughed to see it. It was as if the name on the wall was comforting me.

If you know this, what is your reaction?

Are you going to laugh at my silliness or are you happy because there are silent witnesses who prove that I really have a taste for you.

I don't know I don't know that.

I still remember that morning I was working as usual with a fairly solid task. When Ishoma came I was so happy to welcome him of course I could surf in cyberspace.

The first name I was looking for was of course you but it was really chest tight. There was no sign of life there. You did not appear in the Maya world.

Where are you, what are you doing? What's your life like? Is it difficult or difficult?

I'm trying to understand that you might be busy. It could be because of the time difference between where I am and where you are so that time has not brought us both together.

I took a deep breath trying to hold back the longing. I can only speak in my heart that you may remain in the Protection of God wherever you are.

I want to get out of this virtual world because you are the one I am looking for I did not find even though my friends are busy chatting but why today I am even reluctant to say hello and join with him, maybe because I'm disappointed there's no news from you.

I still remember clearly there was a message coming in from someone who turned out to be your Eldest Brother. He conveyed what you said was no less or no more the desire to marry me, your friend.

I am happy to read it but I am still afraid to open my heart to you when the desire is very real but the trauma is more real than that.

I don't know why I was so afraid that all I read was khalayan.

Now with the courage that out of nowhere I don't know. With trembling hands I wrote in the Inbox that read your name with the words "I Want to Marry You Hasan ". And with trembling hands I pressed enter.

Honestly I hesitated to do that but the desire dragged me to do that while the Brain and the hands seemed to argue to write that sentence and the result several times I deleted it. I don't know how many times I wrote and deleted it I didn't count how many.

After a few arguments, I finally thought it was doing what I had to do to send a message so you could read it and find out that your best friend accepted you as my companion.

I'm waiting for your response but there's no reply. Either the acceptance sentence reaches you or it might bounce off the bottom of the ocean so you haven't had time to read it. I'm still waiting.

"Will this misguided me lead me to a story without your welcome and to another slump, I was really afraid.

Reassure me if you really want us to be together in a lawful bond."

This afternoon I ran towards Lembar as soon as I saw the return ticket you uploaded at Medsos. This is the news I've been waiting for, your return from the ocean.

I gasped and I don't know what I'm feeling is so hard I'm describing at least there's relief once I know you're okay.

I'm like a shameless person trying to come to you but this longing brushes everything away.

Forgive your best friend for being half crazy hoping to meet you.

Arriving at the dock I saw the ship coming closer. I immediately focused my eyes to see one by one the humans who got off the Ship but everyone who came down did not see you blending in with them until the last passenger was not there.

I smiled wryly maybe this friend of yours was too fantasized to expect you to come and approach me. I really am waiting for you here.

Maybe I miscalculated the time so this ship wasn't the one that brought you home.

I'm thinking positively, it's possible that another ship will bring you back. I turned around to go home when I made sure you weren't here.

My footstep is still hopeful. But suddenly that glimmer of hope was like stopping my footsteps. I saw you there walking away as if running away from me.

"Saaaaa." Call me.

You looked at me and the smile greeted me.

"Yet." Call me again and hope you wait for me.

Sure enough you were waiting for me with a big smile about to hug me.

I ran after you but as soon as I was about to approach you I suddenly felt you getting further and further away.

I was still trying to chase you but you got further and then disappeared into the crowd.

Did I dream just now? why does it look real. I saw San, he was there and he smiled at me but why am I unable to catch up with him.

I was tired but I tried to chase after him so subconsciously a stone stopped my pursuit. I fell down and my knees hurt by the rocks on the road. I'm really tired of not being able to move anymore.

When I was in a slump, someone came over and reached out and welcomed me and invited me to get up.

"San." Call me wishing you came over and reached out but it turns out that hope fades when I find a different face. A smiling girl reached out her hand. I grabbed him and tried to stand up.

"Said Brother Handsome, Big Brother must rise up and move on with life. This is for the older brother of a handsome brother," said the girl who is about nine years old.

"Thank you" I replied lethargic.

I opened a small box and it turned out to contain a silver bracelet with Pixa tower toys.

I wanted to scream your name but I couldn't do it anymore. The clear details on both my eyeballs seem to take over calling you so you'll see me. But my cry cannot drag you here. What the hell is going on?.

****

I got up from sitting on sand. Right now I'm satisfied to see the open ocean and my hope that seems not to edge. At least the beauty of the beach has comforted me. O Allah, I murmur over the beauty that Allah has created.

"San why don't you come to see me, I don't know what's going on so you'd rather avoid me and just deliver a bracelet through an intermediary.

You're right San, I have to move on with life without any more hope but I don't want to end up like this without an explanation from you."

I tried to wipe away the tears. Why is it so crowded to see you in front of me but not to see me.

Ega stepped out into the parking lot. When he was about to pick up the motor, his phone rang.

Evan's name appears on the mobile screen. Ega immediately shifted the green button.

📱Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Westarakatuh." Hail Ega.

📱Waalaikumussalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh, Where are you? Am I in your house?" I heard Evan talking.

📱 I'm on the Van Sheet, here I want to balek." I heard the answer from Ega.

📱 Why are you on Sheet? Is there something you picked up?" I heard a question from Evan.

📱Neither Van, I'm just messing around, who knows if I'll meet local Bule's soul mate rough." The voice of Ega tried to joke but his heart was really crying.

📱 Hahahaha." Laughter from Evan.

📱 Buruan balek, this week's mallm we were invited to karokean by Juna."

📱Ready, I'm ready to slide." Ega replied after that ending his conversation with Evan.

Ega leaves Sheet in hopes that her heart will be fine.

Seriate.