Divorce Me!

Part 18's.

Since Fitri's return from illness, I have been feeling anxious. For some reason, I felt like someone had been following and watching us since yesterday.

"Sukma, what are you doing behind the window?" mother said surprising me. I was peeking out from the window of my room that could lead straight to the street. I think this is a strategic place to monitor from inside the house.

"Astagfireullah! I'm ngagetin Sukma, just." I got up from the window, and sat down on a long sofa that I lay by the window

"Why, since Fitri came home from the hospital, Sukma felt that someone was watching the movements of Sukma, Mom,"

"Observing you? Who?" ask the mother with a frown. I shrugged my shoulders, a sign of not knowing.

"Have Sukma, think no more! It's just your feeling,"

I nodded, maybe mom was right. I was too hallucinating, this time. Mother pulled my arm, to sit back next to her, as I began to stand up and wanted to leave.

"Where are you going, Sukma?" Mother's question made me more confused.

"Sukma's going to Fitri's room, ma'am. What's wrong?"

"Fitri again in the living room with her father?!"

My eyes widened instantly. "Mas Ali to this house?" as if in disbelief, the man was in this house.

"Not Ali, Sukma! But, son Amar! answer mother.

I let out a long sigh, grateful in my heart. Besides what I thought, how could Mas Ali come to this house just to see his son. That's something that's impossible to happen!

"Sukma, I want to ask you a question, answer my question honestly?" said mother. He looked me in the eye, making me feel wrong. I'm sure you'd like to ask about the call Fitri put on Amar.

"What is that, Mom? What about the call Fitri made to Mas Amar?"

"That's not all, Sukma. I understand why Fitri called Amar Dad, because at the hospital, Fitri thought Amar was his father. But what I'm asking you is, until when are you going to be alone like this, Sukma? You can't forever let Fitri live a lie. Amar's not his father!" Mother firm.

I was quite stunned to hear mother's words. I didn't expect you to protest about this. I thought he would support me, and let for a while Fitri call Mas Amar by the name of father. Until the age of Fitri later, it is enough to understand the situation we are experiencing now.

"What do you mean, do you want me to tell Fitri that Mas Ali is his father?" this feeling of heartlessness imagines how my daughter's heart hurts if later she feels longing to meet, even getting rejection from her biological father.

My tears fell to my cheeks, the wounds I had been keeping had finally come back. My chest tightness held all the heartache. How could I ever get married again in this way. I was afraid that one day the man who married me would divorce me again, just because I could not give him offspring, like Mas Ali used to.

"Why are you crying, Sukma? Why silence?" Mother asked back. Remove the tears on the cheeks violently.

"Sukma is afraid, Mom. I know for sure the current state of Sukma. Sukma cannot remarry, which man will marry a woman who cannot afford to give him offspring, ma'am!" lirih. As much as I could suppress this pain, so that these tears would no longer drip, but it turned out that I no longer dripped, but it turned out that I was not that strong. Again these tears are free-falling non-stop.

If I could ask? I will not accept this painful fate. As a woman, I don't ask a man who is rich and established as long as he wants to love and accept me sincerely that's enough for me.

O Lord .. What is my request so difficult that you test me like this! I cried in the lap of the woman who gave birth to me with a sniffle, the words of the mother was ringing in my ears, making the shadow of the sad face of my little daughter as if looming in the eye.

"Mom sure, there must be someone sent by God to heal your heart, son. Do not be afraid of Sukma, one day if God wills, with just one puff. Your dry womb is able to give birth to beautiful sons and daughters of face and morals. Don't be afraid, son!" said mother softly while rubbing my head dear. Strengthened me.

Jem!

Mother's prayer is very intense in this heart, penetrating into the heart and squeezing it. Could it happen to me? Maybe I can have another child someday, ah .. I don't dare to wonder, I'm afraid of falling for the umpteenth time. To make my heart break again.

"But, Mum. Sukma is not ready for ..."

"Mother please Sukma, think of mother's request, open a little heart and marry again, Son! For Fitri!" pinta mother. Cut my words.

I felt water droplets wet my cheeks, I looked up, I saw my mother also shed tears with me.

O Allah .. The temptation You gave me not only wounded my heart and my daughter, but also wounded my wingless angel. I realized, mother is the most hurt here. I can feel how grievous it is to see me hurt like this. Just like the break of my heart that saw the sad mist in Fitri's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mom. Forgive me for making my heart sad, forgive me for always making my mother hurt," I said softly, again buried my head on her lap.

"So son, be sincere about what happened, try to open your heart. Ask the Power, because it is only He who determines the destiny and soul of man." said the mother.

I nodded still with sobs that were as muffled as possible. Mother is right, only God determines the destiny and soul of man.

O Allah .. Will there be a man who will accept all my shortcomings and love me and my daughter, later? If there is none, then I am just begging you, Robbi, strengthen your heart and mind to live all the trials of life that You have given!