Cajaroh

Nightmares in Arum's room

I tried hard to erase the memories of my past that appeared to arrive. But how hard it was to erase those memories from my mind. Until I remember the face of Fatimah my wife who is currently pregnant with my child was not able to eliminate the memories that appear in my brain. What am I, why do I suddenly remember the past when I was with Arum. There is even a feeling like wanting to repeat the past, whether I will betray my wife, I said in my heart.

Nooooo…. Is not Arum will soon be married to Rofiq, I can not be carried away like this, I said in my heart.

But why I even feel like there is a fear of losing Arum, Arum is not willing to marry someone else. What is this….????

I close my eyes tightly trying hard to forget my past with Arum. At this moment I felt the weakness of the human heart. I focused on everything I had learned while at the school. And I remember very well what is “Hati” which in Arabic Qolbun whose language meaning is \= is reversed, so this is how the human heart is very easily turned back by the situation ?

Because of the ease of finally I can sleep but back I was disturbed mimipi in my sleep. It was as if I had gone back to seeing the events of the past before I was taken by Salim and invited to live in a boarding school.

From the time I was gambling in our post first, then the drinking party and all the crimes I committed that might not be worth talking about. Until then I saw my past when I met Arum during a heavy rain, then I couldn't bear to see him being teased by the goons at the terminal until I offered to take him home to escape the men's interference.

Starting from a good intention also welcomed by Arum finally we get to know each other and then establish a relationship as lovers. Even though I was forbidden to visit his house. Because Arum is strictly forbidden to date while still in school.

Back terngiang said Arum at that time “mas do not need to come to my house, Arum should not be the arrival of men. Because I can get scolded by my feet. My only roommate if there are no legs I cannot go to Arum's house. Or if anyone visits Arum can not meet the guests guys, except school friends and learning affairs.” So said Arum at that time.

In my dream Arum said that sentence again, this is a dream but why do I look at myself in the past. Like opening or turning my life journey in the past. What really happened ?

Until until the time when Arum and I went to a tourist spot and the rain fell heavily until Arum was afraid to ask to go home but it ended up we entered an inn. Although initially only intended to take shelter because of heavy rain and very cold weather. But because I have been affected by alcohol and Arum was forced to drink at that time so as not to get cold. Under the influence of alcohol that's how we ended up doing something that shouldn't have happened, so that became a beginning of the sin that eventually continued and caused Arum Hamil to conceive my son who was then born and named Sidiq Sekartadji by Arum.

I woke up when I saw the Asar, I immediately got up out of the room. I don't know why it feels like you don't want to go into that room anymore, even like being scared when you have to go into that room. It is far more terrifying than being seduced by any appearance of an Astral creature, I whispered in my heart.

“Eh is awake, want to shower first ?” Ask Candra who was also awake even had a bath.

“Iya mas, it feels lemes if you haven't taken a shower.” I said.

Then Candra picked up a towel and showed her the bathroom. After finishing bathing and taking ablution water I immediately perform Asar prayers. After the Asar prayer I have been waiting for Candra and her father, who will talk about the last message of Mr. Sastro.

“Sit here son, me and Candra would like to talk threesome.” Said Candra. His words were flat but sounded terrible to me, because it was full of question marks what they were going to talk about.

“Njih sir.” Answer's short.

Then Candra and her father looked at each other, as if to signal who would start talking.

“Begini, I know your name was Ahmad Sidiq so I call you Ahmad only, because Sidiq has become your son's calling.” Candra. I was waiting for where they were going to talk. It was like the accused waiting for the judge to give the verdict just shaking and pounding my mind.

“Iya mas, it's up to Candra to call me anything can.” My answer.

“Is it true that you and your wife will adopt Sidiq ?” Ask Candra later. It even makes me more confused. Sidiq is my biological son, I thought.

“Sorry mas, maybe more precisely I admit that Sidiq is my biological child and my wife wants to accept the existence of Sidiq in my home and wants to consider Sidiq as her child as well. So adoption is just a term, if the adoption case like I do not want to admit if Sidiq is my biological child.” My answer explains at length.

“Yes whatever the name is, I max you and your wife want to take care of Sidiq ?” Candra Strictly.

“Iya and that we have talked with Arum as well, and Arum anytime can visit Sidiq even invite Sidiq from the members to know us.” I said.

“It's not our max actually, that's kalo I trust you guys. But I can't say that Sidiq is staying with us so that we can also educate and make amends. But the status of the child remains your child and Arum.” Said Candra who turned into sad her face.

Whether this is a regret or what I do not know for sure, but even humanly I became compassionate to him.

“Sorry mas Candra, admittedly or not Sidiq is my biological son with Arum's younger brother mas Candra, which means he is also a nephew mas Candra and grandson of the father as well. But it has not been legally recognized. That is why my wife and I want to adopt Sidiq with the aim that Sidiq will get official recognition from the government. About living in my place was Arum never leave Sidiq to be taught religious education. That's why I'm staying at my house with my wife mas.” I said.

“But I mbahne cook yes want to see his grandson hard.” Said Candra.

“Gak sir, sidiq-free father or if necessary Sidiq that we bring here pak.” My answer.

“Can't Sidiq stay here, or stay with his mother (Arum ) later at my sister's inheritance Sastro. Has it been submitted for Arum ?” Ask her dad Candra.

I became silent and pondered for a moment, if Sidiq stayed with Arum and Arum was married to Rofiq maybe Rofiq could educate about religion to Sidiq. Because after all, Rofiq was also in the pesantren, even though yesterday was wrong way.

“Later sir misalah arranged, incidentally Rofiq who will propose Arum also never saw in the pesantren. And Sidiq can come with anyone and can live anywhere. Want here at my house or follow Arum also no problem.” My answer to Candra's father was Sidiq.

“Maksut the father wants momong Sidiq his grandson, so the father wants every day to see Sidiq understand the father has wanted to fondle the grandson as well.” Candra.

“Ya mas Candra is getting married so that she can give grandchildren to the father. The problem is that Sidiq has a father who has a mother but is unlikely to live at home. So come to my house also the same father, follow Arum also the same mother here also the same sir de and mbahnya.” My answer.

“Iya I know, well to the point only now. It's got something to do with my lek Sastro's message. Maybe you didn't marry my sister Arum so you could live one House?” candra said.

Finally what I was worried about really happened, the core of the speaker to that point as well. Something I could not possibly fulfill, it was very hard for me to fulfill that request.

“Sorry mas, at this time it is impossible for me to marry Arum because I am married. I hurt Arum a long time ago and now I don't want anyone to get hurt. If I marry Arum now then my wife will hurt her heart. Sorry I can't, because I don't want to hurt women anymore.” I answered Candra and her father.

Candra and her father just fell silent, they thought about what I said.

“Maksutku is not asking you and your wife to divorce, but we want Sidiq to have a legally intact parent.” Candra.

“Iya mas, Sidiq still has intact parents because my wife already considers Sidiq as her biological child and Sidiqpun calls my wife as mother. So Sidiq still has complete parents even now Sidiq is recognized as a child also by a married couple who are still separated from my wife and my friends in the boarding school as well.” My answer.

“Sorry yes son, if the person who wants to propose Arum is the age is different from Arum like that. Who would like to ask if Arum is ready or forced?” Ask candra's father.

“Iya sir, Arum age distance with Rofiq is indeed about 10 years or less. But the two of them liked each other, I asked them. And Arum also said that if ready to be Rofiq's wife and the two already know each other's advantages and disadvantages. So in my opinion there is no problem and no compulsion.” I answered Candra and Arum.

“Honestly, the same father Candra yesterday actually hoped you would marry Arum. It's hard of course, but I believe you're a good person so at the moment we regret treating you harshly. So we think even Arum jai your second wife is okay son.” Her father Candra said as he shed tears.

I also like being hit by my heart to hear the words of my failed prospective-in-law.

“I understand sir, but the father and mas Candra need to know even though I failed to marry Arum. I will still consider the father as my parents as well because the father is the grandfather of my son Sidiq. And mas Candra also I consider my brother because it became my son's denya pack Sidiq. Although I will never be her husband Arum, let Arum be happy with her husband later and remain first instead of second. Anyhow being the second is not good sir, and if there is the second the first two pu will also hurt.” I answered Candra's father.

“Do you seriously still consider me as your parents and you are willing to be part of our family son?” his father Candra asked with tears.

I rose up and bowed before my failed candidate-in-law, and I shook his hand as I kissed and said.

Then I approached Candra and I said to Candra.

“Mas even though I did not marry Arum, but you still I consider my brother because Arum was born my biological child. So from now on do not hesitate anymore, because I still am your sister.” I said to Candra, and then Candra and her father embraced me and cried together.

“Force our actions first, maybe if we used to accept you it would be different so it is now.” Said Candra.

“It was already the will of God sir, maybe if I used to be immediately accepted as a member of this family I will also not enter pesantren and stick with my old life path, wrong life path.” I answered Candra and Candra.

“You are a big soul, I am proud of you even though you do not want to marry my sister Arum.” Candra.

“Don't say like that mas, Arum it's beautiful many like. If I do not want to marry Arum at this time because it does not want to make Arum tortured into the second. Let Arum find his happiness with another man who will make Arum his wife and his only wife.” My answer.

“iya I understand your max now son, as long as you still recognize us as your family only at this time we are happy.” Said Candra.

The atmosphere at that time was right haru, I remember when I rested in Arum's room earlier. When I remember my past with Arum. Then remember the time together in happy together despite dating hide. But more than that a big conclusion in this incident is, the evidence that the human heart is very easily reversed. Like when I was in Arum's room just looking at a picture of him during High School, my heart was shaken to remember the time together with Arum.

Then the second, this event that I just experienced. Just a few days ago I was almost beaten by Candra and her father when I met in the hospital. But right now I just wish I'd acknowledge him as part of his family. I even wish I would marry Arum as my second wife.

I became more sukur, because the Arum family wanted to recognize Sidiq and Arum again who had previously been expelled rum and did not recognize Sidiq as part of that family. But now just hope Sidiq stay in that house, O Allah nothing is impossible for –MU. The one that yesterday really hates me right now is actually upside down really likes me. It is not impossible that yesterday who loved me could turn to hate me so much.

“Alhamdulillah mas, sir finally we can equally open our eyes. That we are just playing a role, at this time I feel very grateful to be a part of this family. And soon there will be a new addition to the family here, Sidiq my son granddaughter father and nephew you mas Candra. May later become a blessing for all of us.” I said.

“Aamiin..!” candra and her father answered at the same time.

“Mala mini you want to nginep here or want to go home first ?” Ask Candra to me.

“Kalo pinginya father you join tahlilan here send a prayer for lek mu Sastro, do not call Mr. Sastro again if you claim to be a member of this family.” Said her Father Candra.

“Mngkin besuk again sir, first I still cape the second condition of the house is not safe right so I do not have the heart to leave my own wife. And sorry my wife is also part of this family too right sir ?” ask me with a smile.

“Iya anyway the whole family also.” Said Candra.

“Alhamdulillah if so I permission to go home first sir. Tomorrow maybe I will come with my wife too.” I said.

“Let usher Candra only later, as well as if you want to come say just let Candra pick up pity your wife is also pregnant.” Said Candra.

“White sir, if not ngrepotin mas Candra.” My answer.

“Just relax, don't tell me that said I'm your sister.” Candra said with a smile. I just saw Candra smile, so it looks like Arum is smiling again. Or just my mind that just kept the same Arum since this house, I thought.

“Iya mas, btw if you smile really so similar yes Arum your sister.” Gurauku's.

“Yes his name is also his biological brother, when you do not know ?” candra said.

‘not do not know mas, but just this time see you smile.”Reply kidding.

“Ah you want to say I used to pout constantly if see you right?” candra said.

“I didn't say that, but Candra herself said.” Gurauku's.

“Owh pantes, my sister used to be crazy as you do not want to be married to another, it turns out you like to joke and pinter make guyonan. Though many want to marry her even though she was pregnant at that time.” Candra.

Yes it is, who is talking about people like Damar the same who was encouraged and wanted to expel me. Where could Arum want, my mind is in my heart.

After a while I was then escorted home by Candra, on the way we chatted and joked a lot about anything. The story of the moment at the school, my pity up to the process of my marriage with Fatimah my wife now. Candra just shook her head to hear the story of my love diesantren until married to Fatimah even though she used to like Eis.

“Kok can you live such a life ?” Ask Candra.

“It could be mas, his name we are not too dizzy with worldly affairs. What is important is that we do everything we can about God's decisive results. We love someone when God outlines our soul mate, others want anything else.” I said.

“Owh yes, I am not married yet so do not know. Yesterday when I was with your house dad you introduced your wife's cousin she already had a boyfriend. If I don't know dong yet, or if I want to marry him !” candra said.

Bak was struck by lightning I heard Candra sayings at that time, because the Khotimah he maxed out was approaching with Fanani. Although there has been no definite talk, but this is someone who says he wants to marry her. How should I explain to Candra and Khotimah later ? Candra's brother Arum, just made up with Iau who all this time she hated me so much. If rejected could be dangerous, but I also could not force the Khotimah for my own interests as well.

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