Unclear

With Mom

Today was the last day I looked at my mother, a white sheet wrapped around her body, before her face was covered I was asked to kiss her forehead, my tears dripping irregularly.

"Mom, you are now pain free, believe me we will meet again, I will be a good boy, as you say, I will be, my mother would always pray that we would always be together despite the distance and time separating, and the body would have no more I would make sure I was always with you." I said quietly to look at the face of the mother who is now starting to close.

Brother Prama hugged me he shed his tears on my shoulder, I know he was hurt and lost.

"All will be well, sister, please let go of mother." I tried to toughen up even though it turned out that my heart was completely unable to deal with all this.

"Yes, I'm trying to." With my eyes my sister answered.

The ground was now slowly covered, I could only deal with reality, I had to accept it.

After the funeral Aunt and om tried to calm me who looked weak and lost direction.

"Mikha, you haven't eaten anything since, you can be sad but not like this."

"Tante, answer me, mom is happy there, right? I don't feel pain anymore, do I?" I said that I kept not controlling anything that came out of my mouth.

"Mikha, your mother is fine, she smiles at you, you don't cry anymore yes, your mother will be sad later" said David.

Yes, I still don't understand why David who said he was in Singapore, now even beside me while rubbing my head.

"Om, Micah, dear mother, Micah." My words were cut off, I could not continue my words, because honestly the tears and tightness I could not stand.

I'm the most devastated right now, how not since I was a child that I always relied on my mother to make cakes for my birthday, even when I refused to meet a lot of people at my 3rd birthday party, I still remember everything, mother explained I had to meet them in honor.

On my 4.5th and 6th birthdays my mother started to get sick, she couldn't accompany me to celebrate my birthday, because again, distance separates us, mother has heart surgery in America, while I was in Indonesia, even so mom kept making videos with birthday cakes and congratulating me.

We just regrouped when I turned 8 years old, since then my mother was always with me spending time, even every time I came back from school my mother always told me to take a nap, and that's why mom hugged me, like she didn't want to lose me, I used to resist, but she always said, never refuse anything you give me, maybe I could never feel it again.

At the age of 12, my mom and I made a cake together, we told a lot of stories.

"Well, you used to want girls so much."

"Why?"

"because girls are sweet, and the accessories are many, but when mothers have daughters, mothers even want daughters mothers to be strong and powerful women."

"Oh... So that's why you put me in karate class?"

"Yes, the purpose of the mother is so that Ika can survive in all conditions, mother does not want Ika afraid or hurt if there is no mother later, Ika mother wants you strong and tough."

"Mother, don't talk if you're going to leave Ika again, I don't want you to go again, Ma promised Ika mother will always be there with Ika and will make a multi-storey tart cake on Ika's 17th birthday yes... Ma'am please."

Mom smiled at me, God why did you take me even before my 17th birthday, I'm happy there Ika will always be tough here.