Unclear

Inspiration

After returning from school I did not see my mother, until last night, not even my brother and father were seen.

"Mikha's? you haven't slept?"

"Aunty? who's here?" ask me back.

"Yes, your father and mother told Aunt to accompany you here, as long as your mother does the hospital treatment." I was surprised at what Aunt Marwah said, Aunt Marwah is the mother's sister-in-law, her husband is the mother's younger brother, but now her husband om David is in Singapore because of his project.

"Mom's in the hospital again?"

"Yes, your mother relapsed because she was too tired, oh have you eaten?"

"Tan, Micah's anther is at the hospital right now."

"Mikha, it's night, tomorrow it's day..."

"Mikha, don't calm down tan, Micah wants to see mom, Micah's afraid of mom why napa."

Yes, the mother had congenital heart disease since she was born, but since her first surgery was declared successful, the mother never missed a routine check-up every month, the mother also always took care of her health, and the mother always took care of her health, but in recent years, the condition of the mother seems to decrease every month.

I said to Aunt Marwah, I had dinner with mixed feelings, I couldn't enjoy it, I was upset why I wasn't told.

I fell asleep with anxiety my mind continued to drift on the condition of the mother, I decided to contact Prama.

"Sister, how's mom doing?"

"Can I talk to mom, or you can just send me a picture of her, I'm worried."

"I know you're very anxious, but stay relaxed don't think like that, and pray that you recover quickly."

"All right, let me know whatever happens."

"Yes." Yeah."

A year after the phone broke I started to pull the blanket and closed.

Right at 03:45 I woke up, my soul drifted deep in my grasp, I focused my mind on my mother, there was anxiety mixed with fear, I was afraid of losing her, I was afraid of losing her, if no mother would care about me anymore, who would scold me when I was wrong and who would guard me from what my father said that sometimes hurt me.

Mom. I want mom...

I can't live without a mother, I'm sure my life will be even more tormented without a mother.

This was my first time crying out for fear of loss, I knew and understood that everything I had belonged to God, I know I can't love or have someone too much. All that is in me belongs to God, all will be lost and go according to his terms.

God, if you won't feel pain, if you really love me, and if you have to go first and leave me, so give me time to see her smile and say proud of me, I just want to make her go away quietly without worrying about my situation, God if mother's illness torments her so much, take her, take her, keep her by your side, make her comfortable and happy, enough of all her pain and suffering, she's the best mother for me, she was one of your angels in heaven who took care of me perfectly.

I slept with millions of tears flowing down my pillow.