Trapped in the Love of Immigrants

No Time Wants What

For a few days I drowned myself with busyness, but Sadeev still disturbed by playing to work, just say hai or invite food if it has break time. Yes, our friendship is indeed so close at this time, it can even be said that we have been friends. For some reason, he was so able to make me laugh and smile while my heart was still crying and bleeding. He was able to calm me down, able to control this self that was dissolved in grief, but one thing that still could not help me, was being able to break this bondage of love in the Pakistani man. It still feels so hard to forget him, even removing the shadows about him, especially about the two of us. Mirisnya, wherever I was, even interacting with anyone, again the figure managed to tease and enter in this slit of thought. Really, that guy really almost drove me crazy. This love, really transformed into painful, but ridiculous, so beautiful I feel and enjoy.

“This time what else do you want to woo?” I asked when the man was in my room.

I'm getting ready to go home. Today's patients are quite numerous and so crowded, and I'm happy to spend time in this work. Helping others, as well as helping me forget the man, even if only for a moment.

Sadeev was still looking at me seductively, leaning on my desk while his hands were stuck in his jeans. “Still like yesterday, Ms. Makassar, watch,”

I rolled my eyes, then sighed. “You're really not bored, huh? We've had four consecutive days watching in theaters, and today want again?”

“Need to be noted, Girl, once for karaoke,” please correct.

“ya, yes, it's the same! after all, have you never thought about saving your money? At least when you get your freedom later in another country,”

Sadeev took a deep breath. “It's still unclear, Keysa, and you know for yourself that,” is dark.

I think I broke his spirit.

Somehow, every time I talk about their Freedom—the immigrants—the same expressions and answers I hear. Who would not be sad to remember freedom is still unclear. It could be tomorrow, or maybe next year, or the next three years or maybe more. No one knows. Moreover, the number of immigrant population in the country is quite large and spread in any city. In fact, in fact, they had to separate from the family, even parents for a long time displaced. And what makes me angry is, often they are judged or bullied with harsh sentences like useless, or something like that by people in this country. Either directly, or from social media. Really, it's really sickening. If only they knew how it felt to be like them. I, who only heard their dark stories, felt so sick, let alone be them. Indeed, sometimes we are forced by conditions we never imagine and want, but it must be lived.

So, under these circumstances, in this section, who would want such a thing? Nothing, is it?

“I just want to make my life and days like a normal person, Babe, just like them. So there is nothing wrong with spending time busy with workouts or others, right? At least, forget for a moment this sadness that is like being imprisoned in a hotel. It feels bored, tired, if you do not do any activities and just fixated in a helpless room,” Navroy admitted at that time, when I asked his hobby that every day routine is done, without fatigue.

And that's when I understood, he was trying to survive in a people's country, fighting against the destruction that has plagued him every day. Destruction when having to stay away from the family, especially at any time was worried because it might suddenly bad news about his family there, heard by him.

The man touched my arm, then smiled darkly as I gasped and froze in a daydream. “Remember her again, huh?” assumption Sadeev.

I looked at him wince.

“I know that expression, so don't put on an idiot's face like this,” admit it's what makes me smile wryly.

Apparently Sadeev had memorized this expression.

He pulled me closer to him, then clasped my hands together as he stood before him still leaning on the desk. “I can understand how you feel, Keysa, and I can tell, how tormented it is when you feel it. Trying to forget and look okay now, when it comes to getting away from our loved ones, is painful. It feels like every moment is looking for an air gap because it is congested without oxygen. But you, you are so hard to go through all this that I know it is not easy,” he took a deep breath, then sighed heavily while those eyes still looked at me intensely.

His right hand now holds my face gently. “You know what has kept me going until now? When I try to be sincere, but believe that someday God will improve for me, at least better for now. And I'm sure, you know of this that things aren't going to be like this forever, even if time just keeps turning around. Smile, because it's the only shield facing the moment,” said and for some reason, that power spread instantly within me.

“Thank you, Sadeev,” my murmur smiled in teary eyes. His big smile seemed there.

“Do not overdo it, you may fall in love with me,” chirps origin that makes me laugh.

We then left the room, occasionally joking and laughing.

“So, are we today so watch or karaoke?”

“Basic dewana, still just keep trying!” he just laughed and rubbed off on me.

* * *

 

“So, today you are going jogging?” ask her on the phone while I'm wearing my black-and-blue sports shoes. I was getting ready for a jog this afternoon, just after Sadeev called.

“Yup! It's already wearing shoes, the rest are leaving!”

“Without taking me?” scowl.

I even put on a smile because I was amused to hear it like that, just this time. “Well, I thought you were busy!” timpalku

“I never said busy,”

“Oke, fine! Where are you now?”

“Di Jogging Track Area Karebosi.”

My eyebrows cringing. “You're working out, huh?”

His innocent crisp laughter sounded. “Yes! It's been two hours ago,”

I glanced at the watch that was attached to my hand. It was four in the afternoon, meaning he had been there by two in the afternoon.

“Dewana!” it was my cry that made him laugh. It was clear that the sound of house music sounded vaguely from the background of his phone.

“Then, why ask to invite you if you have been there, Dewana?” my continue.

Again, the laughter sounded. “Just want to hear it, you invite me too or not,”

My smile evaporates. “Alright! How long were you there?”

“Until you get here,”

Okay, he's starting to make jokes! All righty!

“And if I don't go there?”

“I'll wait,”

“Really? Really?”

“Ya!”

“Why?”

“Because at any time, I will wait for you, until I get,”

I don't know why, this time it sounded different. Unconsciously I was beating. “Alright! Thirty minutes or so I'll be there. I'll let you know if I get there. “ I said divert and hang up.

Just for a moment he made me fall silent, then then gasped for remembering the time. Then go to the jogging place.

Right in the twenty-sixth minute, I arrived at the entrance gate of the area. The parking lot is not too crowded. Usually solid when dusk or at dusk will sink. Not far from the parking lot, just to the left, the east direction of the entrance of this jogging area is wide open. Simply climbing the four steps made of cement without any polish, I was now standing at the corner of the entrance. The atmosphere of greening immediately outside here, feels cool because the green trees are getting richer.

The first and second football fields were filled. The sit-ups, push-ups are also fully occupied, and some of the rest areas on the edge of the track area are filled by some people who either just visit to just look around without exercising, or just looking around, or take a break to unwind after jogging.

I tried to call the man, to clarify his current position, just in case he might change position. I called him many times, but there was no answer. When I tried to look from afar at the workout pull-up area, I did not see clearly.

Indeed, there were some groups there that were in the middle of pull ups, the rest were just sitting watching. Again, I tried to call Sadeev, but the man still did not answer the phone.

When I turned around, exploring the view looking for Sadeev's whereabouts, my body stiffened, my nerves malfunctioned and seemed locked to death. He's right there! Right in the parking area not far from the entrance stairs. Staring at me without gnashing as our eyes met—after so long. My chest is pounding fast as well as tight and sore. The world felt stopped, silent, it felt like the pain was shaking violently in this mind. Navroy stood there holding his sports bike. Those shady eyes really made this chest even more tight. In just a few seconds, the memories of us instantly twisted clearly in the brain. I couldn't even look at him when these two eyes started to look in the mirror and then looked away with my head down. Yeah, same as it seems. I don't know, why he looked at me with those twinkling eyes, why the look on that face seemed like—

“... Where are you already? Are you lost?”

I gave a smile, silently wiping away the tears that started to flow in the corner of these eyes. Sadeev's voice rang out on the phone. Right, Sadeev has picked up my phone since then. My gaze has now shifted with this body that no longer faces the Pakistani man.

“I'm still here, right at the north entrance gate.” Lirihku tried to control my heartbeat which still felt tight and beating fast.

I don't understand, when I tried to get up and sacrifice to torture myself, time seemed to be again trying to bring me together with you, Navroy. Yes, the tightness is still there to this day, it feels so agonizing and painful. You are a shadow, wherever I am, again you feel you are still in my life. Then, am I wrong if I say this time is so toying with me? I've been trying to get away from you, but somehow, it's like time said something else I don't understand. At this moment, my heart still misses you and loves you, but there is also hate. Hate when you have to drag me so wickedly out of your life. Hate, when I still feel pain, only for a man who has made me a bet. I hate you, Navroy!

I found these eyes staring at him, staring at him who had gone by while pedaling his bicycle.

Oh, shite! Looks like my eyes are watering. You idiot!

***

 

“Key?” call the man in Arabic-Afghanistan, when I'm about to turn in the alley of my house.

My eyebrows frowned while looking at him in wonder. “You're here? What are you doing?”

“I'm stalking you,”

“You sound scary,” he chuckles and rubs on me.

A fairly crowded alley, instantly made us the center of attention. Maybe the face of this stranger guy next to me made them stare excessively.

“I looked for you earlier in Karebosi,” Sadeev said again which diverted his discomfort. Obviously the look of the face was so uncomfortable in excessive gaze.

“Iya, sorry, I came home first,”

“Not even jogging?” I smiled wryly.

For the first time, I was a coward. Running away from this tightness, my long breath was heard.

“Just because of him?” sadeev continued, digging deeper.

“I thought, I could be that strong, but it wasn't. I could still stand up straight even though bleeding because I love him, but I feel helpless when I see him,” I murmured darkly.

Sadeev smiled. “Remember, the power is within you and it is created if you yourself make the effort,”

I'm nodding. The man smiled, then gently ruffled my hair. His habits are like normal things to me. Our jokes instantly stopped and turned silent as we found the figure of Farah staring with a stunned look, then the next second smiling as if relaxed.

“Hai.” Sapa Farah smiled wryly as she looked at the man next to me, then turned to look at me.

“Hai.” Our words are almost at the same time.

“Well, you remember him, right? My best friend, Farah,” as I elbowed Sadeev, melting this tense atmosphere. Farah smiled a fleeting knot at the man and rubbed on him.

“Of course, I always remember,” His sigh and then smiled glancing towards Farah, and then glanced at me.

“From jogging?” sidelines Farah as we step in.

“Ya and no!”

“What's up?” he asked as a glance stopped before me, like intercepting. His curiosity is crunching again. My eyes rotate.

“Alright, I give up. Seems not the right time,” Sahutnya then smile caving.

Not as usual!

Sadeev glanced at his watch, then looked at us. “Looks like I should go home,” his sigh finally.

“Why? We just got there,” my timpals are staring at him.

“Still missing me, huh?” his words made me feel wrong. Then the next second, “Keep, one day, I will make you remember me, even as if always with me, Keysa,” whispered as he leaned towards me who was instantly stunned.

“Well, see you!” he shouted after smiling then left after waving.

Farah elbowed me, then looked questioningly, but I just ignored her while twisting my body and went inside. He followed and asked questions.

 

***

 

My feet aghast. As if numb and locked, standing helplessly pegged right in the middle of the entrance of this jogging track area. As my cells and tissues cease to function, the senses include. So quiet and freezing when the eyes managed to look at me that they could not turn their eyes. Navroy stood there staring stiffly, but the sight seemed to melt and paralyze. The look I missed, the intense gaze that was so coveted that it hurt every day. Time seems to just highlight it and ... Stop this world.

If only I could run hugging you, crying for a moment in the chest of that field to bring out all the destruction in this mind that for a second without rest. If only! But, you know what's going on? My head just turned away not looking at him. As if, he wasn't there standing up—an ultimatic laser sensorid connected to me that feels so hurtful. The aroma of his favorite perfume—which I gave back at that time— cried freely in my nose until it was like a thorn that pierced down into these lungs. Just a moment past me, he managed to create my stupid tears.

Is this what you call coincidence? Ugh, what a ridiculous coincidence!

Again, time brought me to him, like mocking. As if intentionally tormenting me in every second.

My feet had collapsed on the ground, allowing this clear water to again flow freely on the cheeks. In fact, indifferent to those who look at me excessively. Yeah, how crazy I am because of you. That's that bad indeed. He managed to reach all my life, even the smile and spirit of my day, now managed to take away my peace and sane.

Really, I hate you, Navroy, so much!

I felt my shoulders tremble, with a mind so sore and pained. Faintly obstructed by the water hanging from the eyes, I saw a pair of legs with sporty purple brown shoes tracing before me. That shady look I found looking at me as this wet face looked up to find out.

"I'm sorry" said the man who almost whispered, then rubbed this silly water on his cheek with his soft fingers. "Please, no more tears" he whispered further, then rubbed these tears that were increasingly flowing. She clasped my face, then looked at me lovingly. There was a glimmer of sadness there.

“But it hurts so much here, Sadeev,” I'm so dark in tears that I almost whisper, in a hoarse and vibrating voice as my hand hits my chest slowly.

"I know you can be strong to face. Please, don't kill yourself slowly. Release him, Key, let him go, you have to understand that" he whispered and wiped my tears. "I'm sure you can, my Wonder Woman." Lirih Sadeev again strengthened.

Sadeev is here again, with me, just as I am fragile and helpless.

I tried to catch my breath calming myself, then tried to smile at him. But there's something I want to finish first.

"Where are you going?" Sadeev asked after successfully helping me stand up.

"To the beach."

"For what? Should I come?"

I'm shaking. I forced a smile to join in. "Thank you for taking care of me, but no need, Sadeev. Everything's fine."

He sighed, looking at me for a moment as if convincing himself. Then, "Can you tell me if something unwanted happens?"

Think of it like it relaxes her. Shoulder slumped.

"Take care of yourself, be careful, okay? Don't trust anyone else so easily" his last sentence made me look at him for a moment. "Go away." he muttered continuing while patting my shoulder as he jerked me.

"alright. I'm leaving now. See you." My pamit then passed.

* * *