This Is Not How It Should Be
This Destroyed
The saddest parting is when we are apart for good. Can't meet, can't hug each other to let go of longing.
Now Al and Rafa are different worlds, only prayer can be offered as a sign of longing for the body that can no longer meet.
Al was slightly disappointed at Rafa's parents' decision, why he had to stop the treatment that led to Rafa's death. Maybe if a little more patience Rafa will wake up.
But when he saw Mama Dewi so destroyed finally Al knew not only her who lost, they also felt it.
It feels so painful and so stifling. It must all end and how can he end what has not yet begun?
Tears can not stop continuing to wet the barren land that is in the heart but does not bring coolness but pain that never improves.
The body that was now covered in white cloth could no longer be touched, could no longer be held in his arms, and among all that happened the most painful was that Rafa left Alka with feelings that he had not yet acknowledged.
Alka is like a lifeless body, lost soul, even forgetting how to use his body. Powerless sluggish.
In the corner of the living room that became the most heartbreaking place, Alka continued to regret the fate of her love with Rafa, wanting to feel like berating circumstances that never sided with her.
"Al.." Letta's hoarse voice made him realize that he was still in this world, a world that no longer had Rafa in it.
Weakly Al turned to Letta, looking at Letta who was as devastated as Al.
"Lo wants to eat? I take it if you want" a question that is not in Al's mind, even he forgot when the last meal.
Still just as weak he shook his head and looked back at the lifeless body in front of him.
"Let, how should I?" it was the first time Al had let out his voice after so many hours that he just cried without making a sound.
Sometimes roaring sounds better than crying without a sound, because it feels more stifling and tiring.
"Deliver me dear" Letta then pulled Al to enter in her arms.
"How to do it?" a question that Letta could not answer.
Letta also did not know how to mengikhlaskan. The cry sounded again and was even more heartbreaking than before.
***
The day was getting late, the lifeless body was buried with among all those who loved him so much, accompanied by Tahlil who continued to echo to the niche of the tribe.
The body that used to always embrace the frail body of Al has now reached its final resting place, flooded with tears that somehow can not stop flowing.
The body that used to always be the most comfortable place for Al back can no longer be a backrest.
The body that was always strong to bear the pain of one-sided love has now gone without anyone being able to resist.
Al remained a loyal person sitting next to the puja contest, staring at the mound of land covered with thousands of flower petals.
His eyes continued to stare at the gravestone that read "Rafardhan Athalla", like a dream when reading the name on a tombstone. Proving that Rafa has really left.
The reality that continued to hit him caused a sense of tightness in every blow.
Al's cry could not be dammed anymore, Al finally hysterically called Rafa.
"Sorry...!! Rafa...!! you are evil Rafaa.." her screams amidst the excruciating cries.
Even the leaves around it may be able to feel the pain that Al feels.
The sky shows his sadness with the point of rain, Al is still faithful to look at the tombstone Rafa. It was only a stone, but it was the link between Al and Rafa the lover that left a million regrets in Al's heart.
The water coming down from the sky was getting more and more like her tears were getting heavier. Letta who had been waiting for him elsewhere was already impatient with his stupid friend. With a firm step Letta approached Al who was sitting on the dirt of the scrapper. Her clothes no longer looked like clothes because they were full of earth.
Letta looked at Al who was still silent as if he did not feel the rain and cold air on the hectare.
"Al, let's go home"
There is no answer from the dead man, maybe if left alone Al could dig his own grave next to Rafa's grave.
Letta forcibly pulls Al's arm but is violently crushed by Al.
"Do you think Rafa's brother will look at you like this?" letta said in a slightly high tone.
Al was still silent, but Letta's words had a point.
Letta tried to pull Al's arm again and now Al was a little more obedient, Al got up and they walked away from where Rafa was buried.
***
The frail body looks thinner since Rafa's departure a week ago. Since then Al seems to have died with Rafa. Al kept shutting himself in his room. To make both of his masters worried. Every mealtime the house assistant always brought a tray of food and drinks for the nonanya who was still grieving, but always stranded when taken back.
"Honey is mama." said Mama Elvina sadly looking at her child who was standing next to the window of her large room, staring blankly at the view of the city in front of her.
Al looked slowly at his mother.
His face was gloomy, his aura dark like there was no sign of life. His eye bags were blackened, his cheekbones were increasingly prominent.
Jesus, Inner Mama Elvina.
Mama Elvina immediately hugs her thin body Al and is determined to take her to a psychiatrist.
"Pa, we have to take Al to the pa's psychiatrist" Mama Elvina said as she felt her husband's presence.
"Our son is crazy" Papa Danish's tone slightly raised.
"Yes but Alka we can go crazy if we just shut up!!" Mama Elvina was already furious with her husband who had nothing to do.
And they finally decided to take Al to a psychiatrist.
The doctor explained that Al felt regret that made him feel guilty, he felt the loss of part of his soul and the Doctor explained there is a possibility for Al to experience psychiatric disorders if not treated , Doctors suggest hypnotic methods might make it even better.
Finally, a pair of parents who want their children back also approve of their children undergoing hypnotic therapy.
No one expected losing Rafa to make Al so devastated, that's how destroyed Al was. That's the effect of losing Rafa.
They came out of the practice room and saw Dhirga sitting waiting for them to come out.
As soon as he saw them coming out Dhirga immediately approached him.
"Om, auntie" greeted Dhirga politely and kissed the back of their right hand.
"Would you like to come here?" the words came out of Al's lips. Al finally let out his voice but was accompanied by a clear-cut rage.
