This Is Not How It Should Be
Who Lives as Dead (2)
Al was in the car with Dhirga. And both of them still sat with their own minds. Al threw his gaze outside not wanting to meet with Dhirga. And Dhirga who still focused on the road in front of him when his mind floated somewhere.
Why did Al kiss Rafa's forehead and bother to challenge him?, the inner Dhirga.
Why is he so fat?, Inner Al.
"Baby.." call Dhirga, while Al is fed up with the call. How can people's husbands call him 'Baby'.
Al doesn't want to answer Dhirga's call. Al stared outside.
"There's something I want to explain to you" Dhirga pulled over his car at one of the cafes.
Al caught Dhirga in confusion. Still able to invite him to hang out without sin while Al's mind is filled with Rafa lying unconscious.
"Why stop here?" ask Al cynically.
"We're talking inside, while you're eating. You haven't eaten yet ?"
"Is it important that I eat or not? Was it when Dhirga bang livedin I thought I had eaten what yet?" al sarcas.
Dhirga felt guilty that Al had died without explanation. And suddenly appeared just like yesterday while they were on vacation without explaining anything. And now he actually shows up to explain what really happened.
Dhirga removed his seatbelt and sat sideways facing Al trying to pull Al's hand. But Al immediately brushed it off rudely.
"Merry did not know himself admitted that the child he contained was my son, my parents were angry even I finished in the beat of papa Al. And papa asked us all to move to Bali after I married Merry back then..."
"Why did Dhirga bang never say the same to me? what do you want bang? lost then came and lost again and when I really can accept you same Merry bang Dhirga come again" Al cut Dhira explanation, it feels Al is very impatient.
"Because you're hoping that someday when Merry's lies are exposed, we can still go back to what they used to be."
"back as before? We were? Don't dream bang. I don't want to be an actor" Al's remark just made Dhirga startled, what adorable Alka had turned into a cruel Alka.
"Who said you were an actor? Ga Al, you are not a actor because we were once a couple, right? even to this day"
Al looked at Dhirga in disbelief.
"Until now? bang our relationship was over when you left me without explanation" Al's tone slightly raised.
Dhirga really did not believe in Al now. Al was angry, disappointed and sad at the same time.
"I don't know how else you should bang.hiks.i'm confused.hiks" the tears were dripping again, I don't know how to drip.
"Al. don't cry, I can't see you like this" Dhirga cupped Al's hand to cover his face.
"I never fell in love, fell deeply in love with you, but you hurt me as deeply as I love you.hiks..."
"No, Al.. Don't tell me that I don't want us to separate.." Dhirga cut off Al's speech.
Now Dhirga's eyes began to glaze over. Almost dripped those clear grains.
"Do you know I'm so tormented Al.a.k...."
"YOU'RE SELFISH BANG! KITA UDA GA CAN BE ALIKE AGAIN.Kasian Merry, the widow is not your child but you are now her husband.." cirih Al at the end of his sentence.
"And I love Rafa's brother." insisted Al.
Dhirga was not so surprised because he had expected this to happen but still it felt painful. Dhirga released Al's hand limp. And the seed she was holding could no longer be held. Dropping just insulted his master.
"I knew you'd say that, and I knew it was coming. This is all my fault" said Dhirga lirih. His head was bowed down not daring to show the face of his pain to Alka.
"I'm sorry" said Al, then got out of Dhirga's car and stopped a taxi that happened to pass at the right time.
The taxi brought Al back to his house. Along the way Al just cried. Want to be angry at circumstances that do not let him be happy. Want to scream at a time that can not be replayed.
***
The day had already shown at 14:20 WIB, when Al arrived at the hospital.
Al walks excitedly towards Rafa's room. He saw middle-aged men and women crying in front of Rafa's room. And Letta and Naufal were sitting in the waiting chair.
"Lettle..Fal.." greet Al as soon as his feet get there.
They all looked at Al.
"Om.tante.." greet Al politely and kiss their hands in turn.
"Honey you must be Alka" said the woman who turned out to be Mama Rafa, Mama Dewi.
"I-iya aunt" replied Al confused why they know Al.
"Rafa often tells me about you"
Al smiles to hear Rafa likes to tell his parents.
"So the doctor checked Rafa, the doctor said...Raf.hiks..Rafa's.." Mama Dewi was unable to continue her sentence making Al even more curious but felt that something bad was going to happen.
The water drips without being banned.
"Had ma, don't make Alka sad" said Papa Rudi to calm his wife.
Alka gave her forced smile, and clasped Mama Dewi's hand.
"Tante is calm, brother Rafa is strong." I don't know who he entertained, maybe himself.
Mama Dewi took out a rectangular box from inside her bag. Give it to Al.
"Rafa has prepared this, yesterday my aunt found it in her desk drawer, it's for you, although Rafa won't be conscious anymore but it's still yours" Al looked at the maroon-colored rectangular box and received it with a trembling hand.
Al opened the box, wondering what it was. Turns out a silver necklace, a necklace that is so beautiful with a simple design, Rafa really knows Al's taste.
The cry can no longer be contained once he saw the beautiful necklace given by Rafa. She wished Rafa had given her the necklace and put it on her.
Mama Dewi put the necklace on Al and the two women of different generations hugged each other. Letta's cry also broke in Naufal's arms.
From a distance Dhirga noticed them all. Dhirga was hurt looking at them, wanted to feel angry but I don't know with whom because this is all his fault.
"Al.." and then left.
The doctor said that there was no chance Rafa to wake up again, in other words, actually Rafa is not there just because the help of tools makes it like it is still there. And both of his parents have signed a letter of approval to release the tools that are in Rafa's body. Not because he had the heart but precisely because he could not bear to see his son suffer because of the tools that held him to go.
Hearing that explanation Al then cried historyis. How could this all happen. Even Al hasn't said that word of love to Rafa. He has not apologized to Rafa. Al regretted all that he had wasted. Al regretted his stupidity.
