The Artificial God

The Woeful Life

I hate this kind of life, I should never have been born, or at least I wasn't born into this gloomy family. I hate it when my parents compare me to my sister, who has no flaws at all.

My brother is the perfect man of the perfect. I was so envious of how there could be such a perfect human being as my brother, he was also such a fun, sociable person. Not only that, he is very intelligent, and has an above average IQ. Since my perfect brother was in everyone's eyes, I became a disgrace to my family.

I am not as smart as my brother, I find it difficult to get along with others. But at least they think of my feelings, and don't look at me as a disgusting animal. What if I'm not as smart as my brother, and perfect as my brother?.

There's even someone worse than me, but they're not cursing him. Is it because my brother is a perfect human being? and since I'm not as perfect as my brother then they treat me badly?.

All I want is your affection, and your love for me. Why did I never get both of those things? do I have to be perfect like my brother, and then I will be admitted?. I've tried it very hard, and as much as I can, however, still a fool like me would not be able to surpass my perfect brother.

Being beside him is impossible, our differences are like hell, and heaven. That's what I've seen in my life, I don't need the wealth, nor the power. I would rather be born as a poor man loved by many than this.

But I shouldn't blame everything on my brother. Because he was my only place to lean, he was so kind to me that he listened to suffering. It is a shame to talk about my suffering to the person who made me suffer.

But the hug, and the smile was so warm to me. I want to continue like that, without any endless suffering like this, I want to stay together with my sister if I can. But in front of me there is only a bitter reality.

Brak!

"Build a lazy boy!" shouted my father who entered my room in anger. I, who was sleeping on my desk, woke up immediately. As usual, I bowed my head, and knew what would happen afterwards.

Bugh!

"You know how long you'll live to be a disgrace to this family!" yelled my father who kept beating my face until it left a bruise on my face. This has become my habit, not because I made a mistake, but every day I will continue to be treated like this.

Of course I was in a lot of pain at first, and cried asking me to stop. But being used to it I just kept quiet, and endured feeling this pain with a blank look. At least I didn't fight my parents with violence it's much better.

"Now a holiday you must not be lazy! I'll watch you till nightfall, and keep learning!" my father shouted, then I took the textbook in my bag, and put it on the study table with piles up and up.

My father not only noticed that I was studying, he also asked me questions from the books I was reading. After that I have to answer it correctly, otherwise I will be beaten again by my father, therefore I must study carefully, and carefully so that when my father gives me a question, I will ask him a question, I can answer it correctly.

At last the night had come, I had managed to get through all of my questions properly. I was very lucky this time because I was able to answer the question correctly. I'm so tired, and tomorrow I have to go to school to study again. Now that I'm in the middle of the night, I only have at least 5 hours or so to sleep.

"Well done, after tidying up your books, go to sleep quickly" said my father, who immediately left my room.

Can this life I live be called life? ahaha! it's funny to think of my life as life. I am treated like an animal, if I do something wrong I will be justified by being beaten. Like a horse racing movie I haven't seen on television in a long time.

Chequek...

"Guhh..."

"Nobody's home yet?" ask me with sparkling eyes.

"Yes, my sister has come home my little sister" said my brother who came to hug me with affection. Warm..it feels very warm, as brought to a different dimension.

"Good work my sister.Sister believes in you that someday you will become a great person. People who are more than anyone in this world include your brother" my brother said with a big smile at me.

But somehow it felt like something was different from my sister's smile this time. It felt like my brother was hiding something from me. His face also looked suspicious, actually what had just happened to big brother?.

"Sister... Does anyone want you to talk to me about?" I asked that made my sister a little surprised.

"Haha, you are very good at understanding other people. It's true you said, I want to tell you something. Maybe this." said my brother who suddenly fell silent.

"What's up, brother?..."

"Here you go. Brother is very sleepy, you go to sleep quickly. Tomorrow you have to go to school" said my brother who behaved very differently today. He was in a hurry to leave my room, and went back to his room.

In the middle of the night I thought a lot about what my brother said. What exactly does my sister want to talk to me about? my brother's last words kept me thinking about him. I found it difficult to fall asleep because of the words of the older brother, and also his very suspicious attitude.

Then suddenly someone whispered in my heart, "Go For Forever". Instantly my heart stopped beating, and made my body tremble in fear. No, my brother can't possibly be like that, right? that's impossible! my heart! if you do suffer, you shouldn't say such a bad thing to my brother.

My brother can't leave me, he's not that kind of person! I'm pretty sure. My mind became more and more chaotic, and I finally decided to get up, and go to my brother's room. But what the fuck is this!?. My brother's room is empty, like the one who's leaving this place.

There's no way my brother's leaving! there was no brother in his bed. Though earlier brother said that he was very sleepy, and will soon sleep. But what is this!? brother lied to me, is it okay. Brother really will leave me, for ever?.

That night I kept crying sobbing in my brother's room hoping my brother would come back to me with a warm hug, and a smile that calmed my heart. My tears soaked my brother's bed, and made my eyes red from crying.

Brak!

"It turns out you're here! get up, and go to school!" my father shouted rudely at me.

"Well-we..."

"What the hell are you talking about! what dream did you dream last night to cry like this! you fucking kid!" my father shouted in annoyance while beating my face.

"Ka-kak has left..huhu" I cried at my father.

"Basic stupid! your brother used to leave, and rarely came home like this. Getup! otherwise I'll break your hands, and your feet!" shouted my father who was really angry with me.

It's true my father said that my brother rarely came home because of his many affairs. My brother was a great scientist, sometimes he fell asleep at work, and didn't come home. As soon as my brother woke up he had to work again, because my brother said there was something he wanted to research about something by himself without the help of another scientist.

Brother never told me about what he was researching until this one year older brother so it is very rare to go home. But right now I'm very confused by what you said just now. His words, the look in his eyes, his smile showed that he was going to leave, and would never return for ever.

He was the only person who loved me, the only light in my life. Although I don't have much time to remember together because my brother's business is very crowded. At least for me there was one person who understood me very well, but now the light has gone away, and my heart begins to darken again.

I hope it's just my mind, and it's not really happening...