Teahmore
Episode 21 - Decision
A month has passed since my birthday, since then I have not heard from Desta even he no longer updates his social media. It completely disappeared like it was swallowed by the earth.
This afternoon I decided to spend time in the park where we first met, I don't know what made me choose to come here.
“You know.” Said a voice coming from the bench behind me. “How does it feel, to be in love with someone, but afraid to express because you don't want him to leave? But it turned out that the choice was wrong, because He chose to be with others.”
I nodded in understanding, because what he asked was indeed being experienced by me. Like reading a book, I did not dare to open the next page because I did not want sweet memories that I had replaced with the bitter fact that we would not be together.
Even every time I pray I hope to be reborn so that the next life can be with him. Hhh, so silly!
But what does it mean to ask me like this? Is he talking about his problem with Erine?
I turned my face around peering at the glimpse of her sitting looking up at the sky. I wanted to ask, but considering how our status made me not want to interfere much.
“What do you bring the guitar for?”
“Filling free time.” Answer smiled. “I don't know why, it feels like I'd love to go here.”
I fell silent again, neutralizing my uncertain feelings. On the one hand I was happy to meet him, but on the other hand I felt that I should not continue to hope for someone who has been owned by someone else.
“No, I don't understand
How I held it together
Before I could hold your hand
And I can't, I can't recall
If I know who I was before
You know me flaws and all
Whoa ~
Feels like a lifetime ago oh,
And do you know
Who did I use to be?
How was there ever me without you?
Don't want to ever be without you
Without you, I without you”
Baby I can't believe
I ever lived or breathed without you
Don't let me ever be without you
Without you, I without you
Lost at sea, I found your shore
And I can't crumble back to the man
That I was before
You're all I am, I'm only this
Since my world was reset
For the better at our first kiss
Whoa ~
The only world that I know oh,
Is yours alone
Who did I use to be?
How was there ever me without you?
Don't want to ever be without you
Without you, I without you
Baby I can't believe
I ever lived or breathed without you
Don't let me ever be without you
Without you, I without you
And what did I dream about before I knew your face?
In this empty world how did I fill that space?
It's now as though I've always known you'd be the one
To change my life and make the man
That I've come, I've come
Oh, who did I used to be?
And how was there ever me without you?
Don't want to ever be without you
Without you, I without you
Baby, I can't believe
I ever lived or breathed without you
Don't let me ever be without you
Without you, me without you, oh
No, don't let me ever be without you
Without you, I without you
I don't understand
How I held it together
Before I could hold your hand.”
♥♥♥♥
“This song paints my feelings onto you.” I clearly.
Anggie was still silent. I put my guitar down and moved to the side. After all this time we were like this. My hope remains the same. He wants to listen to my explanation and we can be together.
“Dest.” Ask Anggie to keep me away. “Please don't be like this !I don't want to ruin anyone's relationship.”
“You mean?” I don't understand.
Anggie took a long breath. “You've been with Erine, enough for me to expect more of you.”
I hugged Anggie. Slowly the awkward atmosphere between us began to melt away. At first she just fell silent, now starting to return my embrace, as if my longing feelings for her were finally reciprocated.
I don't know who started it, but I enjoyed our kiss. It felt like every time our lips touched made me even more aware that he was indeed the person I wanted to choose to be my partner.
“Sorry.” Anggie said, bowing his red face. “If you knew I was really happy right now. But this is wrong, because you are already with Erine.”
“I'm with Erine?” Ask surprised. “Where did you get the conclusion?”
“She herself said you guys couple! Keep the doll that you once gave me, she also has! Oh he hugged you too. Try to explain in which way I can think that you guys are not dating?”
“Brian only.” Cut Anggie. “Brian. Brian's just my past friend. I did love him, but after He returned my feelings finally knew that these feelings were only as friends! Even the day that you met together, I wanted to make it clear that I had chosen you. But you see me as a friend,
even the next day I have to see Erine hug you!”
I laugh. Whether because we are happy or amused to remember everything that happened just because of misunderstanding, shame explained and not confident made us stay away from each other all this time.
“Remember when we played basketball and Erine came. When you left, I was angry with her and left her. Then how many times have I wanted to explain to you who Erine is. But you always refuse. I can't force it because I think you've been with Brian.”
“I'm afraid if you say he's really your girlfriend.”
I smile back and kiss Anggie on the forehead. “Make me only you are the only special woman who can make me fall in love.”
Anggie smiled and put the headset on both of our ears. In the chant of Perfect I clasped his hand.
“I found a love for me
Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead
Well I found a girl, beautiful and sweet
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this time
But darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you’re holding mine
Baby I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered beneath my breath
But you heard it, darling you look perfect tonne
Well I found a woman, strong than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own
We are still kids, but we’re so in love, fighting against all odds
I know we’ll be alright this time
Darling just hold my hand, be my girl, I’ll be your man
I see my future in your eyes
Baby I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don’t desire this, darling you look perfect tonne
Baby I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect, no I don’t desire this
You look perfect tonne”
♥♥♥♥
As usual, Brian would stop by my place if he had free time after work. He would usually accompany me to dinner and then go home.
I stole a look at her who currently looks busy watching the news on television. It felt as if my heart was worried about explaining everything from where, I was afraid he was angry and away from me. Even if I don't love him, it doesn't mean I want to lose someone who's been like a friend to me. “Hhh.”
“Why you?” Ask worried.
I looked into her eyes, trying to convince myself that this had to be done so that she wouldn't get sick wishing for me who never loved her. “I. I'm sorry.”
“Sorry? Sorry for what Gie? You are not wrong with me.”
I'm down, embarrassed. Shame on yourself who has been receiving her kindness hoping to forget about Desta. But it turns out my heart can't lie, that it just loves her.
“Sorry because my dear feelings for you are nothing more than friends.” I hope it doesn't disappoint him.
“You don't need to apologize.” Reply smiling. “I know, therefore I want to always be near you so that that feeling of love will be present.”
“Do.” My love.
“Why?”
“Because all this time, we go, eat, go for a walk and whatever activities we spend together can not make me deny that in fact I just love the same.”.
“Desta?” Cut Brian.
“Where did you know?” Ask surprised.
Brian smiled again and gently stroked my hair. “You cannot lie to Gie. Remember how
you smiled when you saw Desta coming, when we first met?”
I'm nodding.
“Every time you accidentally meet with Desta, suddenly you become changed. It was as if there was a painful feeling when he saw it, especially when he was with Erine.”
“Sorry.”
“Gie, you don't have to apologize. Okay?” Brian Pinta.
“Still.”
“But instead of Desta dating Erine? Why do you love him?”
“I don't know.” I'm honest. “Today I always thought he chose Erine, every time I
also try to forget and try to love you more than friends. However
somehow the story goes, the feeling I always wanted to love Desta.”
“How do you want now? He's with Erine.”
I smile. “They are not dating, it turns out we misunderstood.”
“You know from Desta?”
I'm nodding. “Yesterday in our garden explained everything and said honestly to each other.” I clearly. “Oh yes do you remember not when I was Junior, my clothes were dirty because of ice cream? It's because of him.”
“Narrow world yes.” Brian's Laughter. “Not that time you said you would scold him if you met again?”
I laugh. “Not just scold him. But we often fight.”
“Then why did you fall in love with her?” Ask Brian curiously.
“Neighborhood.” I shrugged both my shoulders. “It just happened. Even though we often quarrel, but with him I am happy.”
Brian smiles. “If you really love Desta, I want you to be with her as long as you are happy Gie.”
