reversiat
#15
4 Years ago
My open eyes were now hard to shut, I was awakened by a little turbulence. My eyes looked at the clock now pointing at 5am Sydney time, just 1 hour away and I was about to land at Kingford Smith Airport after less than 6 hours of flight.
Visiting Sydney is something I have dreamed of for a long time, meeting her who is no longer coming back to Indonesia or maybe going home without my sepengatauan. After 7 busy years with each – life I still can not move from my feelings, especially this guilt.
I hurt him, and he decided to leave my life. And right now, when I feel like I've achieved what I dreamed, I want to have her live in my dreams, starting the dream we created together. I hope I'm not too late.
Armed with the data I had collected before deciding to meet him. Where he works, where he lives, even his shift. I made up my mind to go here to see him, hoping to still have a chance to apologize and restart the relationship that had run aground.
Arriving at the hotel I immediately slept preparing myself to be fresher when I met him later. After a short walk I decided to go see the office where he worked, it should be time to go home now.
Actually, I'm afraid that what I'm hoping for isn't in line with reality. I had prepared for the worst case scenario, but still I felt unprepared for what would await me there.
I walked slowly feeling the autumn breeze blowing in my face while stuffing my hands into the pocket of the thick jacket I was wearing. Occasionally look at the leaves that I throw every time I step. Trying to calm my heart with the doubts that kept driving my way.
Until I arrived in front of the office where he worked, a building owned by a fairly large company in Australia, had even expanded abroad. I was admiring the shape of the building from across the street then turned into a doubtful gaze, Should I come in? will he recognize me? What do you do when you see me? a lot of questions come up now and I can't decide which one I should look for first because I don't really want to find the answer.
the automatic door of the building was open and it was seen that some employees began to leave the grounds that had many floors. I saw them full of admiration, proud of one of the people I knew who could work with them, in the magnificent building. And I was fixated on a long-haired figure who from the middle of the end was now dusty pink. The black suit he wore made his white skin look very pale.
My voice that wanted to call his name was swallowed back when I saw a man who also called from behind him.Making He who had walked it stopped looking towards the arrival of the voice that made him smile expands, making him smile, he extended his hand to welcome the man who followed his steps.
I momentarily fell silent and then stepped in to watch them from behind. The two of them walked hand in hand while telling stories occasionally accompanied by laughter that made my heart feel pain. Shouldn't that be me? I should have greeted him first.
Their steps stopped at an Italian restaurant while I continued walking, moving my mind somewhere. My feet stopped in a garden that looked sad because of the autumn sun. I bought coffee at a nearby stall and sat down on a long bench, thinking about my fate now.
Without feeling 7 years passed and now Narya has moved from her feelings for me. I know it's not a short time to keep getting caught up in this feeling. And it's my fault, never told him that I really loved him –, never contacted him all this time, never looked serious about this relationship.
The clock showed me at eleven o'clock the night I arrived at the hotel. The time I spent walking through the city without any direction, constantly thinking about what I should do next? I had no hope of seeing him because we couldn't get back together like we used to.
***
The sound of a bell on the door of the room began to tease me, pressed without any patience it began to disturb my ears. I woke up and threw a blanket so upset. time on the local clock showed at 11 pm. the bell on the door was pressed again, I immediately stepped in without seeing the peeping hole, I opened the door roughly.
“oh god...finally” the voice burst out followed by a hug that made me take a few steps back because I was not ready to receive it. Am I dreaming? I was still trying to regain my consciousness when Nayra let go of her embrace looking at my face which made her hand move caressing my random hair – scramble. “you should have said if you want to go to Sydney!!” the thrill is still with his behavior just now which makes my hand automatically stop it. “you are the same who?” Nayra who was still standing in front of the door was not allowed to enter. I answered with a sleigh and immediately signaled to invite her into my pretty messy room.
I immediately darted into the bathroom, while Nayra put down her bag and opened the window curtain. I stared at the matted face with dark circles because honestly I fell asleep in the morning, yesterday morning I chose to sleep after landing which made me have trouble managing time. I immediately took a quick shower and was quite surprised because Nayra had already tidied up some of the mess I had made earlier.
“you already.. eat?” Nayra glanced at the clock that now pointed at 12 noon. I still shook my head, moved quickly to pick up clothes from the closet and then back to the bathroom, which made Nayra laugh. I came out of the bathroom after feeling ready, approaching Nayra who was looking at the scenery outside.
“do you not work?”
“aku permission to go home early”
“do you know where I'm from?”
“Rena phone, worried about you who can not be contacted” I glanced at my bag and just remembered that I turned off the phone and have not changed the number abroad. I told Rena where I would stay when she drove me to the airport. “at least you can call me if you come here” Nayra now looks at me.
“I'm here for a short vacation, I'm afraid later even bother you” I try to avoid not wanting to tell my real reason
“vacation by yourself, for a first time new to Sydney? Rey..you are too reckless” words that have a point, I was too reckless to ignore the fact that I did not find out in advance about her lover, who is positive already have a boyfriend.
I just shrugged my shoulders because I couldn't find a reason that made little sense to him. Nayra approached again stretched her hand to hug me again – again I refused by clasping both hands. The beautiful face was a little disappointed.
“oh.. yes where have you been?”
“opera house?!” my answer wasn't sure it made Nayra laugh cynically. Knowing I was lying, the view of my hotel room was an opera house visible from afar.
“ayo.. we go eat” I follow Nayra's invitation.
And so began my 4-day adventure in Sydney, Nayra willingly took a few days off to accompany me around Sydney ranging from down Hyde Park, Bondi to Bronte Walk, to almost a heart attack while passing Bridge Climb. Continue to the museum, gallery, aquarium and botanic garden.Then we will have a night at Circular Quay, Nayra's favorite place.
Unfeeling today was my last day in Sydney, Nayra and I were sitting waiting for our dinner at a famous restaurant in the Opera House, Bennelong.
“I want to talk to you” said slowly. Nayra now looked at me more seriously, and my eyes caught her, a ring of diamonds curled in her sweet finger. I sipped my drink trying to calm my feelings.”I want to apologize, have hurt you” one more thing, that I deliberately came here to meet you is another thing that I could not say.
Nayra looked at me with a small smile as if trying to calm me “then let Rey pass.I have forgiven you”.
“to be honest. I was afraid to meet you here, afraid you can not forgive me” Nayra again smiled a little laugh because of my words.
“how can I be angry. Seeing you now who can realize your dream is more than enough. I am proud of you Rey” Nayra who is in front of me as trying to control herself, as if so keep her attitude.
“i am also proud of you..” I said which made him confused, why now talk about him? “your office... wahhh!!” I raised my hand trying to describe his large office, instantly making him laugh followed by my laughter that seemed to foresee the atmosphere tonight.
After dinner we are still walking – streets in front of the opera house area while enjoying an increasingly cold night. We were holding hands through the streets joking.
“thank you well. have taken time for me during here” Nayra nodded and smiled at me. “have accompanied me around, and help me search by – by” I said put both his hands in my coat pocket.
“anytime Rey.. I always love you” said Nayra while laughing and hugging me. “hati – hearts on the road Rey. sorry tomorrow I can not take you to home” I nodded saying his words.
“I hope after this we can be good friends” said I rubbed his head which made his face so pouty, he tried to get rid of my ignorant hands and we both laughed.
***
The sound of the waves brought me back, I was walking along the beach around the hotel while contemplating that Nayra had already erased her feelings from me. I'm the only one still stuck until when. Somehow I never managed to forget it even after coming back from Sydney until now, when I had Mila on my side, when she had already rejected my feelings.
And now in order to forget it I focused my attention on making the hotel's cafe dirooftop, which I named Hideout. Other than because I like to hide here, but this is where I try to hide the rest of the feelings I still have for Nayra. The last place I made out of thinking about her, the place where I would try to get rid of my feelings, keep all those wonderful memories, get used to myself without feeling what – more to her.
I even intervened in discussing materials and construction to feel distracted, even willing to go around the material store looking for the best material suitable for this cafe. Spent time discussing with the architect about details, and designs that I hadn't done in a long time.
Wasting my time until I feel like I've been a zombie lately. Going home just to sleep, because you're afraid when you're home alone I'll remember the moment we were both here. Diana who seemed to be aware of my behavior even started putting blood-boosting pills on the tray that contained my lunch. No more eating at the hotel for fear of seeing it there.
I even back ignore Mila who is late – this late like happy eating out of the office because I always refuse his invitation to lunch together. After eating I usually immediately spend my afternoon rooftop looking at the workers who are installing sills – large window sills that will cover some of this rootop.
And so on until sometimes I start sleeping in the office or in one of the empty hotel rooms. I'm afraid that when I'm alone and do nothing, I think about it again. I was afraid to be at home, afraid of being in the crowd until I unconsciously started building a fortress around me.
***
“rey... how are you?” nayra's father's question makes me feel bad because at this time I don't want to meet – people who remind me of Nayra.
“my good om..news om yourself how?” ask me not to try to let go of her embrace
“as you see” said Om Syah, my call to him. He looks very fresh fit for a man who is already in his 60s. “don't be too busy working Rey. once – times refreshing.” continued Om Syah who seems right, he said, I need refreshing right now.
My eyes became interested in various – kinds of models of lights hanging over my head. The shah now left me as if it was giving me to observe the beauty that was above my head. He brought back mineral water in his hands. Is it not forbidden to drink and eat in this store?
“what's okay – what's om?" tanyaku received water from Om Syah.
“asal you keep your distance from my furniture” he said with a smile that rubbed off on me knowing that the furniture was on top of my head. We consulted casually about the concept of the building I was building compared to the materials and furniture I had chosen, Om Syah is indeed one of the best architects he easily understands the concept I mean and immediately gives some choices that I can decide.
“not that this kind of work can be done the same interior design?” question Om Shah disperse my concentration.
“this project I want to do myself om.. I want to trust my intuition this time” I said with a smile considering the reason why I almost died working on this project.
“you are the same Nayra just the same, even the boss is still doing all himself to forget the same himself, ignore his health finally sick, enter the hospital. there are – there are only you in”
“Nayra in hospital om?” my worries started to recur.
Om Syah nodded in answer to my question “ tambapekan. today he can go home he said” my worries decreased hearing he did not suffer from severe pain.
Without feeling we talk so long about many things about business, design – design that is being updated, to health problems. I'm actually quite relieved that I didn't discuss my past with Nayra who was once the victim I was hurt by.
***
I set my foot back at the hotel when the time showed at 4 p.m, I headed to the restaurant to ask them to deliver some snacks and coffee to the workers in the rooftop and stopped for a moment when they saw Rena talking while laughing with a woman who should be be in the hospital.
I stepped closer to them, Rena who saw me immediately asked to join them, Nayra who still looked a little pale was still busy with her notes without looking at me. Rena stood on the toilet seat, now leaving us both.
“are you not in the hospital?” I asked Nayra, who was sucking the juice, to cough.
“who said?” Nayra tried to deny
“said papa you!!” now he smiles covering up embarrassment for being caught red-handed by me “not rest even here” I started my nagging
“completed this meeting I went home. Promis” now he is trying to convince me who does not believe it. Rena who returned from the toilet again continued their discussion, Nayra who seemed to write slowly it made me realize that in her right hand there was a bruise and looks swollen needle infuse. I pulled the book out of her hand leaving Rena and Nayra confused.
“let me take note” said I can't bear to see him endure the pain in his hand. Rena looked at me then smiled as if implying something while Nayra who was still trying to pull the book but stopped because of my sharp gaze that hinted not to do anything.
And the meeting was over, they were still chatting making Nayra unconscious I took her handbag then checked inside which contained various – kinds of prescription drugs, put the note in. I immediately asked the waiter to bring him some food so he could rest for about two hours before taking his medicine.
Rena who was still smiling with my behavior finally said goodbye because she still had to check the cafe, leaving me and Nayra who looked at me with annoyance.
“you brought a car?” ask me without caring about the expressiveness.
“no.. was ushered office” employees he said in a cold tone “Rey.. I've told you you don't need to do things – things like this” Nayra still maintains her upset face.
“asal you don't do things – things like this too?!” answer me to be an upset follower “new out of the hospital instead of rest instead work”
“iya. yes I said I finished meeting home for rest” still trying to defend himself
“don't do anything that worries me if you don't want me to be the same attention you” Nayra restrains her frustration while smiling at the waiter who delivers her food. And I was busy with my phone when a voice came saying hello.
“Rayhan.. “ I raised my face saw Bani come then shook my hand then took a seat between the two of us. “lalu.. who is this beautiful woman?” ask Bani who is now curious about the beautiful figure that used to be his target when at the club
“Bani.. Nayras.. Nayras.. Bani” said I was trying to introduce the two of them. Nayra who was eating was surprised to hear me mention the name Bani and vice versa.
“Bani..? that Bani?” Nayra was trying to guess Bani who I mean is a schoolmate and college also my friend when found by him consuming illegal goods. Bani nods her omen Ya makes Nayra nod in understanding, then greets Bani.
We also had a long chat with various topics, from business to great football none of which Nayra missed, making Bani amazed because she is a rare woman, you can connect and understand any topic. Nayra's phone ringing made her leave us both.
“I so know why you like it so much” Bani's words develop my little smile. Nayra is the type of woman who looks difficult to approach because her beautiful face does not often smile with people around, but once close he became very interesting because he did not expect he could be so pleasant when chatting with him, his slightly tomboyish and indifferent behavior became his own challenge to conquer it.
Ringing Bani's phone which he said was a call from a friend who made an appointment with him that ended our meeting, he immediately parted and left. If you think – think the trip from Bani's office is quite takes half an hour to get here. He didn't even have time to order anything when he arrived and had to leave again. Feeling he is very busy to spend time here and have to go again is very unexpected done by a Bani who has a busy schedule.
Nayra came back and sat down and asked Bani who was now invisible in her seat earlier which I answered immediately made her nod in understanding.
“what time will they pick you up?” I glanced at the clock that was now pointing at 6 p.m.
“they are having an obstacle in the venue of this malami event, so I asked them to go help” I looked at him astonished because could – usually he put others first with him who seemed to have returned sick it.
“you stay here tonight” said I was upset because of the thing he had explained, he will wait whether or not until when, which means his time to rest is getting bigger.
“tapi Rey.” Nayra tried to reject my offer.
“you need a break now” said I who had asked him to stand walking towards the receptionist “later I who spoke with your papa” said I tried to convince him who looks still insist on refusing my offer.
“please give me the usual room key” I said to the receptionist who understands what I mean. The usual room I meant was a suite that I used to live in when sleeping in a hotel, a room that they rarely gave to guests except when full booking.
The namapak prescriptionist hesitated when I asked them to give it to Nayra because they knew that it was my room “bapak how?” the receptionist asked Nayra to look at me suspiciously.
“i came home tonight” said I convinced those who finally handed over my room keys to Nayra
We walked to the 3rd floor where the suite was with Nayra's eyes still staring at me, until we both got into the empty elevator.
“you never come home?” nayra's question made me mute. How should I answer, where should I start? Does he know that the reason I don't come home is because I'm afraid he's in my house sitting with me eating, watching tv even in my bathroom. I kept remembering the moment she was there at home that made me so scared of what was going on with my feelings.
“Rey..answer?!” I swallowed my saliva not daring to answer because I was sure he would know that I was lying.
***
